@Camile. Fair point but it is how we handle issues, particularly delicate ones. Some generalisations apply and others do not. We take what is useful and dash the rest. Black man and woman issue is not one issue but multiple which affects different people in different ways. From the young boy in the play ground who sees black girls as to aggressive loud etc and no matter how he fancies them he choose to go where there is less drama and that is a real issue and a very very old one.

There are issues to do with race and class which we see most clearly amongt too many professional or educated women. They have foolishness in their heads and class based foolishness and idealism too. They have lists as long as the road about what they want and must have. But sis they don't have anything to really offer. There are issues to do with children, how they are used, come into this world. Men who abandon their children etc. Women often married or in long time relationships ,who suddenly get promoted, or go to school etc and start acting in ways which undermine their relationship. Because their man is suddenly an embarrasment and what job the woman has to make her feel that way.

Sister do you know how many of my peers highly experienced and regarded professional men who have been stitched up and dismissed for acting with integrity and doing what all self respecting black people would expect of men in that position. When they belief they have a right to depend on their women many of whom they are married to or been with long days, suddenly realise not only they can't but notice how they are being treated in disrespectful ways. I spoke at a meeting years ago about the experiences of professional black men and we had 7 brothers all my close friends who were dismissed literally at the same time.

We can go on. What knock on effect has that, for young men in terms of their motivation. So if they act like batty boy or whimps they can be tolerated, but when they flex like men and consistent with their professional roles, white man and woman and too many black women will move on them.

I came from the Employment Tribunal two weeks ago to support one of our close brothers, in a joke of a case, only to come home to receive an e-mail, from another close and important brother in our crew who is completing his doctorate and a manager in the youth services and one of the pioneers of some of the most radical programmes ever designed to aid black boys. Him and I pioneered many of the things people today are pushing as models of good practice but inferior to our orignals. The brother just got dismissed after a dispute at work. I will go before god and say I am not a nice person on particular things, but this is one of the nicest brothers you will ever meet in terms of upbrining conduct, values etc. One of the best fathers of my age group I have ever met. What private faults he has I am not in the posiiton to say.

Things could not get worse, the brother and his wife seperated due to her insistance. To this day nobody man or woman who know her can work out what is going through the woman's head. When he accepted things were finished and easily got another nice sister, things just get even worse with the his wife.

The source of the problem originally as we have been told. The brother found out, that his wife who was working part time, was lying to him about money and was stashing money away while he was doing two jobs to pay for a massive mortgage. He found out by accident one day.

He lives around the corner from me and we helped him do up the yard. But the price of his home is no joke and if I did not live here long time, would never take that kind of weight. So imagine how a decent man would feel, as like me he did not demand to know how much his wife earns, that is not his upbringing. He comes from good Jamaican stock where men look after their business. But that does not mean your wife has to hide things from you where money is concerned. All his brothers are married men to black women.

The woman is complaining the man is always working. Well surprise suprise. Money is a serious issue in all relationships, particularly black people who have less and have to fight hard for what we have. The woman clap the man with something in his head, drama, police.

Next thing he left the home, she will not allow him to see his children[all boys] and even sending message to the nursery that the man cannot pick up his kids. The white people said what kind of immature shit is that, as they know the man far more than her. He is a very active parent raising money for them and all kinds of things.

Can you find one memeber of her family to come and talk peace for children sake no, at least. They are more ignorant than she is, because they like too many fools believe good family means backing your own regardless. My sisters could not do that shit to their husbands because they would contact me, as eldest brother of my parents backhome and something would happen. Too many families are responisble for mess, because they have no moral leadership within their own ranks[male or female].


This is part of the reality. Sis imagine how we feel, if say we have a team of 12 of our best brothers, most committed, most eduated and skillful and at anyone time half of your core are in the type of positions mentioned above. We are dependent on their money and positive state of mind, so we can collectively carry out the work we have agreed on, to move our families and people in microcosim forward.

When I say core leaders, that means a brother who is skillfull enough to go anywhere in the world and set up a complete programme or organisational structure and involve plenty people by themselves. A proven leader. People who can teach/train/motivate and show people how to achieve things

Imagine how I feel and how many sleepness nights I have as principal leader of the whole team, thinking how to get the money to help those brothers out, give what support we can emotionally etc and still keep the work programme moving and within timescales. We give our word and make commitments both here and abroad that have to be honoured.

If it not for the fact that we have brothers who are big boys in the sense of the word,[financially independent, or who invest and save succesfully] who I can approach and given proven integrity, look for ways to ease the pressure on our troops, whether in terms of money,or other things we would be finished.


So there are so many issues compressed under black man/woman etc and when we all talk the same time we talk pass each other. People talk to what is a priority for them, what is burning them at that time in that place and context. We either agree to deal with one at the time and move on, or just anarchy and foolishness reigns.

But I think if there is honesty and real sincerity people can move this or any discussion to a higher level. That is what we all want and I think need.

When women talk about certain kind of men, I know it has nothing to do with me. I can engage, or choose not to. I can choose to help the person with their priorities, so in turn they can help me with mine.

@Native son. Good posts like Backatya said. Constructive.

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