Dear Grandma,

It's a year today since you passed away, still think about you each and every day. The pain is still there like it only happened yesterday, but I keepit well hidden behind this masquerade. I try to keep a smile on my face like you always did, but inside, when I'm all alone the crying begins. Uncontrollable floods of tears, when did they start? When did they finish? I don't even know, cos when I cry all I feel is empty sorrow. I touch the chain that holds your ring, then all of a sudden the calming begins. The overwhelming presence that you had when u were alive still preceedsnow u have gone. I feel ur love, ever lasting, ever strong.

I never got to really know u like other people did, shame on me for thinking that I had. My bad grandma, my bad. Because I'm sickened to the core when I hear from other people what u were like. I should have taken the time to find out for myself instead of dismissing u, like rubbish that has been left on the bottom of my shoe. I was ur first granddaughter and u were proud of that fact, damn my selfish act! Quite frankly I'm a prat! I wish I could turn back the hands of time, to have everyday with u refined and defined, grandma I'm so sorry for having lost my mind............

So no more soups, no more old soaps, no more QVC. Damn how u love to spend ur money going on a QVC shopping spree! You'd smile with glee at the latest gadget you just bought, and cuss everyone for being a spoil sport!"Grandma can I do a puzzle in your puzzle book?" You'd shout: "No, lef it alone, tell ur daddy fe go buy ur own!" I could never understand the fascination with the puzzle book, but in some strange way u actually got me hooked. So yes grandma now I do buy my own, now I'm all big and grown!

I love u grandma. Even though I never told u I hope u felt it, cos it's true. Everything I do now I do it thinking of u. I try not to hold hatred in my heart, cos I know thats not what u were about, I say that with conviction and not with clout. I hope where u are now residing is a peaceful and tranquil place, u are one true woman who has never fallen from grace. I know where ever u are u "a pop style"in ur pretty hat and ur pretty dress. The most vainest person in the world? No contest! You'd be first, my dad would be runner up, together you'd take home the trophy cup. Well as they say "the apple never falls far from the tree". I see alot of u in dad, people see alot of dad in me.

So let me end it here grandma, as I could go on and on and on. Take care, sleep well, good night.

RIP xxxxxxxxxxx