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Fredblack · (#12 (**permalink**))

@BP another very interesting post if you take it on a different level.

First, culturally most of us come from backgrounds where it is normal for men to have younger wives. My father is 15 years my mother's age. And if I am not correct most of my uncles have wives who are younger but not that wide a gap eg 5 years or so and most of my aunts are married to older men again not massive age gaps.

But the principle of 10 years difference to me is a good one. Too big a gap and you are dealing with a potential massive imbalance of power, which is no good for either party, or being unable to meet the needs and requirements of the individuals involved. An old man who is pyschically in the stage of deterioation which happens to us all or woman is no good to man or beast in a totality of a relationhip. Eg young wife killing him bed with sex due to over exertion etc or simply she being too old to be interested or a whole range of other things eg common interests etc.

But I think there are fundamental cultural issues in question and simply not a matter of age. Despite my cultural upbrining I have never gone out with a younger woman. My wife is 2 years older than me and that is my general pattern. The reason for my choices is because I noticed as a youth contrary to theory, that many of our women in this culture actually become more immature not mature. If you compare a 25 year old from here with her cousin back home it is chalk and bloody cheese in many key areas. I know plenty sisters I use to go out with who wanted to rave 24/7 at ages when they needed to be slowing down and thinking about stuff and when they do they suddenly feeled pressured and want to come and bag some brother with children.

It is my observation that given cultural changes the type of age gap which is seen as nothing in say Caribbean or African culture back home is massive in this country given the types of cultural change which has taken place.

So while a man who in the Caribbean may have a woman ten years younger, in this culture that gap could be massive in terms of values beliefs and certain basics without which you cannot have a solid relationship.

I have young cousins who I often refer to when showing the kind of changes taking place here and I just remembered they are not mid twenties but one is 30 and other I think 29 and when you check their friends, you would think they are little kids of teenage years when you listen to things they say or I am their grandfather. When in fact checking it our gap in age is not that big and they could be in theory in the age bracket of me and my male peers at the outer age limit.

I notice exactly the same thing with many older women and hence why so many of them are in a mess because the cultural change amongs them has been even more radical. If you check it. Many women at the age of say 40 would be well in the range of say a man of 50. A man of 50 is in good nick if he looks after himself and no real difference than say many men at early 40's.

But from what I see many men in that age group are by passing these women and going for younger women and one of the reason I can see clearly is the value change in say the 40 year old and also being older and also more jaded too often that can lead to a more conflictual or sharper kind of interaction. Doesen't make sense when they can have a smoother and not necessasrily dominating relationship, which is what older women like to claim, but more smoother and enjoyable relationship.

So I think when we talk about age we must talk about culture, because our culture is changing so fast in western countries.

So I would be reluctant as a man to go out with younger women in this country unless they were say sisters from the continent or from solid Caribbean families or had very strong values in key areas.

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