I don't usually buy Ebony magazine but I thought I'd get this month's issuewhere they have focused on 'Black Love'.

I thought that these articles might be an antidote to some of the negativity demonstrated on this site of late...

Two sides...

Why I Love a Black Man (Respect, Strength and Passion)

by Daphne Maxwell Reid (Ebony, February 2007)

"I love my Black man [Tim Reid] because he is passionate about all of the things that affect our lives, our legacy, and the strong Black culture of which we are so proud.

He supports me as well by celebrating my strong Black womanhood. He was raised in the segregated South by strong Black women, and he does not fear the power of women because he respects the power of women. Yet, he also is secure enough in his manhood to command respect. He is tender, romantic and skilled. He is clever, opinionated, argumentative and hysterically funny. I wouldn't have him any other way. He writes me poetry, sparks my imagination, supports my dreams, holds my hand, kicks me forward, and he constantly reaffirms my faith in love. I love looking at hims as he sleeps - the curves of his body, the color of his skin. I love my Black man.

In early December, Tim and I celebrated 24 years of marriage. In Hollywood years, as in dog years, that's about 127 years. Those years have been years filled with laughter, child rearing, creative collaborations in and out of show business, and travel around the world. We knew as a couple that we needed to have a good foundation of common basic beliefs, and we explored those beliefs in the two years we spent living together before even mentioning the word "marriage".

Our childhood experiences were completely different. He is a Southern-born native of Norfolk, Va., and I am a city girl from Manhattan, N.Y. Our union was not a first marriage for either Tim or me, so we entered into it with children, ex-spouses, knowledge, opinions, specifications, and accumulated desires. I wanted to travel, and he wanted a partner. The rest was negotiable. Our bottom line was respect for each other. It is still our bottom line.

Through the years of blending our families together, we taught our children that they didn't have to love our partners, but they had to respect them. We have all grown to love one another more that we thought was possible. My Black man has helped raise two strong, successful Black men who now have families of their own. We now have an extended family that inclued two adorable grandchildren.

Although both of us had successful careers on television for more than 30 years, we have lived relatively simple lives. We have invested in our creative dreams, our family's happiness and our shared futures. We have also shared our spoils with the people who have assisted us in getting where we are. We continually reach back to where we came from, assisting others who need a helping hand, in the same way we were assisted in the early years of our lives. Our Tim Reid Scholarship Foundation is 14 years old, and with the help of our communities has assisted more than 80 students through college.

We have made it our mission in life to maintain our integrity so that our legacy would be something of which our children could be proud. Tim has insisted that everything that we do should be done with passion and good intention.

My strong, loving Black man has always been the king of our household, and he has seated me as his queen."


Why I Love a Black Woman (Patience, Dedication and Faith)

By Courtney B. Vance

"How do I say, "I love you?" Let me list the ways: Honey, when I think about the man I was before God brought us together, and the man I am today, I am in awe of the distance travelled! When I talk to other husbands and husbands-to-be in the course of my travels, I understand the fear and uncertainty as the conversation invariably turns toward relationships because there is a cerain amount of faith involved in the journey.

I want to thank you for having faith that I would wake up and begin focusing on you instead of waiting for your to focus on me. I have always seen myself as a "good man" in the back of my mind, but somehow I could never quite get my actions to match up to my words. I just wanted to be trusted and to be trustworthy.

The first thing you helped me to see is a divine order to things: God, first; wife, second; children, third; work fourth; and I am fifth. More specifically, you taught me it is not just about me [Courtney] anymore.

You were patient with me as I learned the value and power of becoming the "servant-leader". I began to see that God gave only one directive to husbands regarding their wives - "love them". You have helped me to see that if I wanted to be the "head of the house", then I should lead by being first to "apologize" and ask for "forgiveness".

By being who your are, you gave me insight into what being the "a mature man" is all about. The mature man can let his wife "get the glory". A mature man is secure in his wife's love for him even when she is basking in the spotlight while he stands behind the scenes.

And it takes time for a woman to "pray her man into maturity". Because the mature man begins to gradually acquire the understanding that oftentimes one has to "give and give and give and give... in order to get". The mature man understands that respect is "earned", and not "given". And he is not undaunted by this "refining process" during those first five years of marriage. The mature man remembers that he got down on one knee and "asked" his then girlfriend to be his wife...

It is a very difficult process for a man and a woman to get this 'understanding' about their roles and begin to look for ways to "do" for the other person. When does that moment happen? When the husband and wife cease competing with each other, and looking for ways to put and keep smiles on each other's faces? Angela, you have taught me to slow down and "change my attitude". You have indeed "helped me meet God", and for that I will forever be indebted to you.

And finally I want to thank you, Angela [Bassett], for preparing me for fatherhood. Your sister, Lynn, and her husband sat us down and let us know that it is not about the children. "When you get married and have children", they said, "never forget that the children would not be there if not for you and Courtney" They let us know that we must stay focused on our marriage! The primary relationship in life is not parent/child but husband/wife. Now that the children are here, that lesson becomes all the more powerful.

There is no such thing as a "perfect marriage". Men are men and women are women all over the world. Just because you have been blessed to be able to make a living, "playing" does not exempt us from having to do the same work every other husband and wife have to do. I just want to thank you for making the decision to work with me. What more can a man ask?"