UNTITLED


I desire a relationship that is safe and satisfying
I want a relationship with a man of integrity
a man who is able to reciprocate love, support my dreams
and understand my needs without hesitating.

Is it to much to what the best in life
has the past not been a rollercoaster of bad emotions and pain
and when i want to regain who i once was before all the chaos
i am refused a new beginning
a new me
feels like i may never breathe again.

I wanted to embrace a new found love
to be able to identifying with the reality of love
instead i am not able to connect to my current situation
which has left me void

In order for our relationship to evolve
we must share experiences
how can my love develop for you
when you are not here
holding me
touching me
kissing me
inside of me
loving me
feeling me
needing me
living for me
right now I refuse to appreciate the imperfections that exist,
because with out you all those elements that would make us who we are together go to waste

Your driving me away
My heart was once filled with hope
but each and every day my soul evolves from the loneliness i face
making it harder for me to love
or let you in
so i shut you out

you have open the door to my past heartache
I’m not at peace
the love that I feel for you is tainted
disturbed by the distractions of my inner pain

We both know how deep my pain is
the kind of pain that metamorphosis
into death
in order to escape the fear
loneliness
unhappiness
regret

What makes you so sure that after this chapter
i would ever feel complete with you
after all you have made me feel
i am not sure i could relight what has now been burnt out

forgiving
understand
determination
those things are over ruled by my pain
from this point i can no longer remain victim
if i leave
i would no longer desire
stability
love
faithfulliness
passion
sex
a lifetime of happiness
because you are not giving those things to me
yet you say we are one

but really i am alone

do not think you being here will make everything okay
you have to find away of undoing my pain
and restoring my happiness
or truly there is no gain.

the insanity is spreading inside of me
like cancer
and it has made me do some crazy things
its like you were a drug
i was not getting enough of you
and started indulging in other things

i could have been addicted to you
but my insanity spread like rain flooding a stream
over flowing with emotions
needs
desire
lust

pain and loneliness had evolved into another side of me
crazy
carefree
promiscious
scandalous
dirty
lustful

you opened the door and let that side of me in
you were not paying enough attention
where not there with me the nights i use to cry
when i was lonely
needy

And now you call me a b**ch
you claim not to understand me
yet you were never giving me what i needed
to sustain my sanity

i am different from you
more passionate
screaming to be love
touched
to belong

I felt you could have been the one
I wanted to love you
become apart of your world
be your wife
have your babies
and live happily

"BUT THEN I WOKE UP AND REALIZED IT WAS ALL A DREAM"

there never really was a you and me.
- written by yaya 07/01/07