Quote:
Originally Posted by bronze
Nights are torture. I see myself lying next to you..i can feel you relax..sleep.. gently breathe against the back of my neck.
Your toned..strong muscular mahogany arm enveloping me..protecting me.
We boast of a great whirlwind of a romance..different backgrounds..different outlooks..one great love.
One great love- made up...pretended..finished.
My emotions run back and forth. I love you and cant stand you inbetween breaths.
As you put me on this pedestool to only leave me on it.Im close to dropping and your not there to grasp me from mid air.
The air that fills my distant soul.Beneath my heart above my stomach. the emptiness is oddly filling. It pangs with images of other great "loves".. bitterness becomes sweet honey but im full
You would rock through me and take me to heights you've only seen
yet i urged for more.You think uve seen heaven until you realise that you were never there. what a cover up. The sheet of clouds has been ripped down to
display an unloved garden.
Im not sure what emotion will come out when i see you next..Rage.. desire.. a juxtoposition of the two. I havent see you to put across the fury.
I will do my best to not beg.. to barter for your heart
Maybe i dont love you ..maybe i love the idea of you..
Days have dragged on. nolonger check my phone to see a miss call or txt even,
it will be the way i left it.
Chargin in the wall .. no calls for it to play my heart song. This isnt depression its a loneliness with a lack of understandin
use to be a strong woman..provisions for my other half. Petrol..clothes.. food.. cigarettes...space..caramel skin..flexbility ..lady in the street..
Im just looking for a way out. this maze of you and i is unfinishing. I cannot stay in the house..but i cant leave either.
Promises are a comfort to a fool... and i encompass my label.
I hope this is a process of healing.
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To know all things have an end and to fear any end, this is the folly of all things, but in love, this becomes the greatest folly of all.
That is the mantra I have always lived by until rescently. I loved, lost, smiled and was extremely afraid. Love left me behind and has repeatedly done so over the last few years. Thoughts of lonliness became my entire minds work and I couldn't understand why. Until I remembered the purpose of my belief in all ends being the only thing not to fear.
An end is but an overshadowed beginning, shrowded in regret, and thus, witheld from it's purpose. I had to realise that I didn't have any regrets before I could reach for the beginning that hid playfully in the shadows of my own perception.
My regrets were born of my wants. My want for things to be as they were, my want to change things I had done, to get that feeling back. My regrets were forgotten when I realised my needs, and the needs of my ex (which should have always been more important to me). I no longer want for my selfish desires but I want for both our needs to be met. I cannot regret that we are incapable of meeting each others specific needs because I know we are as we are supposed to be. I am able to depart with a true smile on my face because I don't care to hurt her with what I want anymore, I care to smile when she gets what she needs and for this I gained another friend.
This is my healing process in a nutshell.
You should remember yours when you get to it because although it will be harrowing, you may look back on it as a fond memory of growth as I do.
Hotep