Monique: first welcome to BNV...if you're a newbie, if you're a returneee under a different welcome back anyway...

This is such a good question..i hope yoyu don't mind if i chip in as a man, to respond to the 'good looks' bit... I have to say that whilst i was never one for looking for the perfect type man... I know from experience looks do matter.. I once experiemented and decided to look past that bit... But i found that it did matter more than i expected about the looks.. I was alway concious of what people thought and their responses.. I even found myself making the excuses before they even saw her...

Funnily enough it matter more what my friends thought, because in the back of my mind I kept thinking they would think i was desparate or something.. or that i'd settled for second best....yea i know it sounds harsh.. but its how i felt..

I also think that I remember seeing a Black man in Brixton, with a white woman..who looked terrible, i mean terrible... it was one of those couples where you ask why? and then HOW? I know he felt shame and concious being with her and I thought less of him period..

so I would say looks does matter to a point...some people can transend look with force of personality..but thats rare...