Don't know which way to go

Madam Butterfly · (#2 (**permalink**))

Well first you need to realize that being alone and being lonely are two different things. Then you need to realize that being alone is not some disease you should be afraid to catch. You have spent the past 21 years being in one relationship or another. You probably only know yourself through these relationships and have forgotten who you are deep down. Therefore being alone (or, more precisly, not in a relationship) can seem like a scary prospect. Your husband has problems and he cheated. You have given it your best shot AND a second chance. I think maybe you should think about letting it go and support/be there for your husband as a friend. You clearly don't love him enough to want to stay in a one to one relationship. As for your lover/friend he was a convenient means of escape metaphorically and physically when your marriage hit the skids. You have already said you do not love this man. And you are confusing your lack of love for him with still having feelings for your husband. I think it is kinder if you let this man go also, unless you can commit to him fully at some point in the future. Otherwise you are just using him, and i think you suspect that already. So i guess my bottom line advice is to let both these men go. Stay in touch with your husband. Leave your lover to find someone who can genuinly return his affections. Rediscover yourself again. Only then will you meet someone who is truly compatible with who you really are. There is also the possibility that you have simply outgrown your husband. Do not be afraid to be single. Singledom won't bite!!! spend more time with friends, take up a new hobby or just shop/pamper yourself all day!! devote time to your career/community. Volunteer your time. Visit family etc. Men do not have to be the be all and end allof your life/world.Simply being in a relationship because you are afraid to be lonely is simply wrong. And i really hate to quote Jerry Springer, but if you can't choose between them, then maybe you don't love either enough. Hope i have helped.

facetygal · (#3 (**permalink**))

blkhailerBACKATYA, BACKATYA WHEREFORE ART THOU BACKATYA?

I'M GONNA LEAVE THIS ONE TO U BRO niceone.gif

joocee247 · (#4 (**permalink**))

Surely, I do believe that you are right in all you say. I guess its time to find myself and be happy with me. At one particular point in time I thought that was what I did, but all i did was hide behind the comfort of a relationship. a place where I did not have to be alone. Thanks for the advice. these are some things that I have known, I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. Your a Doll !!!

Madam Butterfly · (#5 (**permalink**))

And you are welcome

Backatya · (#6 (**permalink**))

facetygal wrote:

Quote:

blkhailer BACKATYA, BACKATYA WHEREFORE ART THOU BACKATYA?

I'M GONNA LEAVE THIS ONE TO U BRO niceone.gif

[size=3]
@ Facetygal
LOL........Girl, you crack me up, you really do.....LOL

Anyway, I am staying well clear of this one.

niceone.gif

Respect

Mafdet · (#7 (**permalink**))

@JooCEE247

I think is very clear that you need time by yourself to get your thoughts together, and discover who you really are and what you really want, even if you were to go back to your lover you will then want your husband back....your going around like a ping pong ball. BTW did your husband come of the drugs confused3if not then that should add more weight to why you need to stay away from this relationship period, plus your won't be 100% sure he won't cheat on your again.

MB is right you sound so scared of being alone well it is scary if you view it as being lonely and it really doesn't have to be like this. Take time out for as long as it takes it is often that people who are looking for a relationship never get what they want because they are expecting too much.

One thing you need to do is learn from your previous experiences use the time to address what really made you happy in both relationships and what made you sad and miserable in both relationship.....but don't spend your whole existence fretting over this. Men are like radar signals (if thats the right quote) they can detect a troubled female miles off and will stay away....I gaurantee you the ones who will approach you in this state are those who home in on easy prey......because that is what your are right now.

Go and spend some quality time on yourself learning to love and overstand yourself from within. It is understandable from the age of 14 vital years in any teenagers life that you have been in a relationship this lifestyle is all you know. So you are basically rediscovering yourself but don't worry its not something to be scared off your no longer 14.

The women that presents herself as being happy and contented with herself and oozes positive vibes is the women that will attract many decent men....that deserve her.niceone.gif

Sister to Sister by Bernice Kendrick

eskay · (#8 (**permalink**))

No truer words could have been said clp)@ MB and Mafdet. Having been thru similar experiences, I appreciate spending time with me, and am far more confident in regards to entering future relationships.

facetygal · (#9 (**permalink**))

Backatya wrote:

Quote:

facetygal wrote:

Quote:

blkhailer BACKATYA, BACKATYA WHEREFORE ART THOU BACKATYA?

I'M GONNA LEAVE THIS ONE TO U BRO niceone.gif

@ Facetygal
LOL........Girl, you crack me up, you really do.....LOL

Anyway, I am staying well clear of this one.

niceone.gif

Respect

Quote:

Ok if u won't say something I will. Familiarity breeds contempt. There are too many threads like this, all started by new members. Because they all have a similar concept I now find it hard to believe these stories. Granted they could be true. But I'm getting just a little tired of the whoa is me threads, especially as it seems to be coming from a lot of women who are "hard done by their men". I've been hard done by at some point in my life, doesn't mean I'm gonna start a thread about it. Shit happens, deal with it. I mean what are these people looking for, sympathy for whats been done to them, justification for their own actions, or a good reason to just rubbish the male population?Sorry but I find it hard to give sympathy to someone who is stringing along two guys because she is afraid of being lonely. I find it hard for her to justify getting involved with someone else knowing full well she wasn't ready, then has the cheek to be mad cos the guy fell in love with her. If her husband cheated then yes she has good reason to rubbish him, and him only. But there is no point in telling us the bad things this manhas done if ur gonna go back to him.

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@ joocee247

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If u really want advice here's what I suggest: buy a dog. It stops u from feeling lonely, and u won't have the problem of choosing between ur husband and ur lover.

joocee247 · (#10 (**permalink**))

ok ok ok ok