banana.gif

[font=tahoma]

[align=left]Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.
[/align]

[align=left]"Why are you crying?" asked the little boy.
[/align]

[align=left]"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl.[/align]

[align=left]When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.
[/align]

[align=left]"Why are you crying?" asked the little girl.[/align]

[align=left][font=verdana]The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test!"
[/align]

[align=left][/align]

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defence:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic. I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled, and without his lawyer's assistance, he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench and walked out.

Sheamus phones his national airline and asks " Is that Air Lingus". "Yes it is came the relpy" "Could you please tell me how long it takes to fly from Dublin to London?"
[color=#ff0000]
"Just a minute" came the reply "Thank you very much" said Sheamus and put the phone down.[color=#ff0000][color=red]



[line]


[color=darkred]What's 10 inches long, 2 inches thick, and starts with
a P?

A really good crap.[color=darkred][size=1]



[line]


Q: You're in the jungle and you come across a tiger - what do you do?

A: Say sorry and wipe if off with a tissue.



[line]


[color=green]1) He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've g[color=green]ot nothing to putin it. She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

[color=green][color=green][color=green]2) He said . . . Since I first laid eyes on you, I've [color=green]wanted to takelove to you really badly. She said . . . Well, you succeeded!
[color=green]
[color=green][color=green][color=green]3) He said . . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
[color=green]She said... That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
[color=green]
[color=green][color=green][color=green]4) He said . . . What have you been doing with all the [color=green]grocery money I gave you? She said . . .Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
[color=green]
[color=green][color=green][color=green]5) He said...Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm? [color=green]Shesaid... I would but you're never there.
[color=green][color=green]
[color=green]6)On a wall in a ladies room . . . "My husband follows me [color=green]everywhere",
[color=green]
[color=green][color=green]Written just below it . . . " I do not"



[line]


[color=blue]Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. Both of them.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. Why did the man cross the road?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. He heard the chicken was a slut.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. They don't have time
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. What do men and sperm have in common?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a [color=blue]human.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. He buys two cases of beer.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. The bonds mature.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. So men can remember them.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet [color=blue]paper?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. We don't know; it has never happened.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, [color=blue]caring and [color=blue]good-looking?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. They already have boyfriends.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is [color=blue]every [color=blue]night?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. A widow.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go [color=blue]to bed.[color=blue]Married [color=blue]women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have [color=blue]in common?
[color=blue][color=blue]A. They're married.
[color=blue]
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so [color=blue]beautiful?" God says: [color=blue]"So [color=blue]you would love her."
[color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue][color=blue]"But God," the man says, "why did you [color=blue]make her so[color=blue]dumb?"
God says: "So she would love you."



[line]


A west indian love story...

Donovan was on his death bed. His wife Leila was maintaining bedside. She held his fragile hand, tears ran down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Mih dahlin Leila," he whispered. "Hush mih love," she said. "Rest. Shhh...doh talk.

[color=violet]" He was insistent. "Leila" he said, in his tired voice. "Me have someting me hafa confess to yuh." "Yuh have nuttin to confess." replied the weeping Leila. "Everyting alright, go to sleep mih love." "No, no, me hafa die in peace love. Me sleep wit yuh sister, yuh best friend and yuh mudda."

"Me know," answered Leila, "dats why me poison yuh rass". [color=violet][color=orange]



[line]

sorry about the sexism in some of these jokes. try and see da funny side. dont want to start a war up in here! maybe i should have posted these on da womens forum!! oh well too late now!!!

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up.

A twelve year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."

The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What did you say?"

The young girl shrugged confused3. "I said I want to be a prostitute."

"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said. "Oh, praise the Lord! I thought you said you wanted to be a protestant."

With the high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a "Women Only" parking lot at the Mall of America.

Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world-first women-only parking lot in Minnesota.



Scroll down....





















.blkbrukteetCan i just add in my own defence that this joke was sent to me by a female friend ok!!!

[color=#0000bf]Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
[size=4][font="times new roman"]One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]
[size=4][font="times new roman"]Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some." Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line.
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age, How do you do it?"
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]"Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry....................."
[font="Times New Roman"][color=#0000bf]
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]
[font="times new roman"][color=#0000bf]The policeman fainted.blkblkkiss

STOP - Saddam time...........

LMAO Kunjufu you sho is craziiiiiii

Half Eediat, Full Eediat

Some men were working on a construction site. The job for the day was to carry building blocks from a delivery truck parked on the road to the place on the site they would be laid. All the men not wishing to strain themselves - especially their backs - were carrying two blocks each - well almost all. One 'gladdis' who was always trying to impress the boss, face contorted with effort, staggered around the corner with six bricks, nearly colliding with a co-worker. After the job was finished, the co-worker said to the 'six-block-man': "Tell me John, you is 32 years old, no true?". Surprised, John replied: "Fi real, Killa, de man have judgement star. How yuh guess dat?" "A no guess mi guess," Killa declared, "Is simple Maths." "Wha' kine a Maths inna dat?" John demanded. "Well", Killa replied, "me have a bredda whe is 16 year ole an im is a half eediat, so if yu a carry 6 brick one time yuh is a full eediat!!"

ROTFLMAO at that one Prince Hakeem

Jah Will Save Me

A small village some miles away experienced heavy rains. A rastafarian's home was flooded out. On the roof the rastafarian prayed to Jah to save him. Feeling sure that his prayer would be answered he waited patiently. After a few minutes some men came in a boat and asked him if he needed help. To this he replied: "Jah will save I and I." So the boat left. A few minutes passed then a plane came to aid the dread followed by a helicopter, and each time the Ras replied: "Jah will save di I."
Alas, the Ras drowned. When he was resurrected and m