I have a girlfriend that has problems finding single men. The only men she seems to meet are either married or already in a relationship. She is 36 with one child andmost of her recent relationships have been with men that are already "attached". Now she desparately wants to find a "single" man but is finding it hard to do so. The men she meets tell her up front their situation but 9 x outa 10 she will have a relationship with these men b/c she just wants "someone". The men that she sees always stay with their women and my friend ends up the loser.

Ladies, are you seeing a married man and if so, what r u getting out of the "relationship"? Do you ever think about his wife/partner and/or the children and the effect it will have on them if the affair is discovered? Do you think that the man will leave his wife/partner for you or has he done so already.

Men, is it just a sex thing? Something different from the norm?

@Soft2The Touch

Your friend has to look at herself very carefully. It could be that she has a deep seated fear of committment. Even though people may say they want one thing, if they keep finding another then they need to stop and ponder why.

Some women are happy with married men because they cant get involved too deeply. All they desire is some fun, attention and regular sex. They prefer the role of Mistress cos they feel they get the fun side of the relationship and avoid the mundane routine stuff like cooking and washing his skiddy pants!!!

But if your friend wants a single man...there are many out there so why cant she see them? If she were my friend I would suggest she spend some quality time on improving the relationship she has with herself first. Maybe some counselling that will help her to look at deeper issues that may be obstructing her finding the right relationship.

DAMN-locsgirl that was good!!!!!You should have your own chat show-The Locsgirl Show-howz that sound???

locsgirl wrote:

@Soft2 theTouch, sound like your friend is suffering from low self-esteem. Because there must be some single or divorced guys out herefor your friend to meet yet she is only getting with married men. I am not sure if she is even aware of this consciously but sound like she is doing this to get some kind of psychological payoff.

Example: She doesn't feel good about herself so she doesn't pursue the unattached men because she does not feel she deserves or is entitled to a husband ora man of her own so she sets herself uponly to receive the crumbs of love that married men can throw. Now this is where the payoff comes in eventhough she is settling for men who are just using her and can't commit to her in any way,her wounded ego is lifed by the fact that she is able to come between a marriage and take the man from his wife even if it is only temporarily.

What your friend need right nowisn't a single guy and definitely not another married man but couseling to build her self-esteem and spending time alone getting know herselfand work on her own personal problems.

I have seen it just too many times, where some women instead of working on what is wrong with their lives or what they want for themselves, simply chose to ignore it and fill the voids with different men.

@Daronne 5

Thank you!

Yes I would Love my own chat show but its all you guys that I;d have on it as my guests! Much more interesting than any over blown ego;d celebritys!

niceone.gif

somebody close to me has been messing with a married man for a very LONG time much more that 10 years put it that way and when i ask ...why??she says becasue i know where he is and i say well you may know where he is but what about where the wife is because you can pick up an std from her via him and she remains silent-i woouldn't mind but normally when u are a mistress you supposed to get twice what the wife gets but what does she get..............nbot even a cold flippin drink-i,ve talked to her time and time again and it goes in one ear and out the other-i think its the wole thing of being lonley and scared to get involved with another man

locsgirl wrote:

@Daronne 5

I wouldn;t even bother trying to give her any advice. People will always do what they want to do until their behaviour actually sickens them. This applies to Any form of destructive behaviour. When people want help they will seek it out themselves. If you try to rescue someone who dont want to be helped all that happens is that your energy gets completely sapped.

There are many women out there who Only go with married men. They actually seek them out. They feel safe knowing that man is spoken for already and their involvement with them has a safety net. If a woman has been hurt and damaged by previous let downs from men, she may well fall into the married man trap.

A lot of married men get hit on by women far more often than their single brothers do. Also there are a lot of predatory women who only want what belongs to someone else. They get off on the intrigue and naughtiness of an illicit relationship.

Some women just dont care about other women full stop. They may even be friends with the man;s wife, and often are. They dont even care if the wife is pregnantor has very young children to bring up.

Also a lot of married men will have illicit relationships with other married women...so both parties are happy. Seems to me that its the married people who are having a much wilder time than the single ones. After all its usually only young single women who are welcomed into the swingers scene!

locsgirl i stopped talking to her a long time ago as it went in one ear and out the other-it was like talking to a brick wall so i just said to myself-when it all blows up in your face i will be saying i told you so-she been with the man for a LONG time and he ain't never even given her even a cold drink-and the man-............well he is damn fiesty too and out of order!!!-i leave them to their nastiness.

@Daronne 5

Very wise indeed!

Sounds like her self esteem was rock bottom. Not all Mistresses come so cheap. I know a woman who lives in her own luxurious apartment, drives a brand new BMW, has her own business which was all bought and paid for by her married lover. They;ve been together ten years and he has a wife who suffers with scizophrenia. They also have 4 daughters, and he just cannot leave his wife and family due to the extreme circumstances.

This woman loves him deeply, and is very happy with her lot. She would never make waves for him, and never threatens or complains about Anything. She loves her independance and though she loves the man could not cope with having him around all the time.

So same as prostitution thread there are many different scenarios to this subject, and they;re not all negative. niceone.gif

YOu see thats exactly what im saying any woman with sense won't be with NO married man for free!!!look at your friend aith apartment and everything for nish-she has brains unfortunately this particualr person i know is the total opposite she is hangiong on his every last word which i think is so sad-and the worst part is there is a child involved in all of this now who is old enough to see what is going on and see that daddy only comes round for his press and goes back to his wife and daddy never stays the night-thats the screwed up part

locsgirl wrote:

@Daronne 5

That is sad and I feel very sorry for that poor little child.

But the Mother will probably make excuses for that too. Like "well at least he/she has a Daddy".

Its amazing that no matter how dysfunctional a situation people are in, they often just dont see it. Its normal to her and so she just bumbles on in her own strange little set-up and doesn;t spare a thought for how it might feel for her child.

But one day that little child grows up and starts asking questions.....

But sadly then the cycle usually continues again cos children learn from what they see, and not what we say to them. Children will mimic their parents behaviour even if they consciously think they Hate what their parents are all about. In twenty years time they usually are a replica of those same parents!

The thing is the child is like i said coming of age where she has started to realise that daddy has 2 women-and he never stays the night-and the mother does stick up for the boyfriend and say oh well at least she got a dad-and i just roll my eyes i really do i think its pathetic how some people will stay in a situation for almost a quarter of a century just because they are scared of being alone-and the worst part is the woman isin't ugly at all but her man that she craving after so bad and no bloody oil painting

locsgirl wrote:

@Daronne 5

Yet when women do finally leave these men and are alone at last, they often realise how good being on their own can actually be!

Its like all things, a fear is often an irrational reaction. Like the saying goes..."There is nothing to fear but fear itself".

Sadly though some women dont appreciate when they are treated well. They got so used to being miserable and being treated like a doormat.

I;ve known good men who have "rescued" women like this, only to wish at a later date that they;d left him exactly where they found em!