If men were to fulfill their role as head of the family, all our relationship problems would be over. Without a male had of the family, whether extended or not, would be like a ship with no rudder.

This question is for all men because even if you are not yet settled in your own family you belong to one and have a role to play particularly if your father has died.

How do you think your female relatives or partner would take this, supportive or resistent?

What does the role of Head of the Family mean to us in the 21st C in the UK?

Can you show what roles it is they are playing that makes it important?
eg breadwinner, or protection(of what exactly)

Honest Question

Well some would sayyour definition of family is very narrow. You've left out all the alternative family type setups thatwe are told toacknowledge as equal to the traditional family.

I mean if you're alesbian couple with two adopted children, two by egg donors and two that you paid for over the internet, living in a caravan commune in Glastonbury who is the head of the family in that set up? LOL!

That to me is a more pertinent question - :-)

Because if by family you mean a set up of man womanand children who are biologically related tobothparents then I challenge you to findand produce such.

LOL!

[align=left]I think it's very unfair to expect a man to play head of the household and point the finger at him when things go wrongwhen he doesnt take that role, when women of this day and age aren't playing the good housewife either. confused3[/align]

Femergy...Very easy and only not to those not clear on the matter. What is it to be a man in the 21st Century. Well nothing fundamentally different than that of my father in law and one of the reasons we are so tight.

His wife my mother in law is more educated than her husband a veterand and well qualified nurse.

Well that would consist of

1. Being the primarily shaper of family identity and values
ideology and ethos,rules and regulations. This simply follows from the fact your home has your name and you are essentially responsible for shaping the ethos and values associated with it. The buck stops right here...


2..Creating the necessary stability, environrment and basic systems of governance of family matters, helping to nuture and educate, stimulate chilren, wife etc in a safe and positive environment.

3. Provide key inputs into the healthy running of family in terms of effort, labour, money, expertis, knowledge etc, domestic management, pastoral duties concerning children etc.

4. Take the lead in planning for all key eventualities and contingencies related to family life and welfare and future plans.

5. To take the lead in all matters concerning the security and poltical repesentation of family matters...

6. Take lead in areas traditionally associated with men culturally eg organising building work and general nasty things in life which women run from if given a chance..

Your question suggest that there has been a fundamental change in the 21st century which is a false premise as my mother in law has worked all her life as a professional. But the buck stops with her husband and that is the culture her daughter was born into and naturally expects..

My wife does not expect to me more intelligent or worldly than me, as she is not in the latter, even though highly educated and probably more travelled due to her work. She does not have my experience in a whole range of complex things eg complex problem solving, planning etc and has no real interest in them other than being briefed in basic terms and participating in agreeements. But if you think my wife is going to stay up 4.00 AM in the morning to plough through some technical legal document or engineers report. You can forget it. My wife is waiting to speak to architects to tell them what she wants and is it possible.

As my mother would say "what the hell have I got a man for"? Men generally take the lead on the difficult and risky things which can go wrong and of coure get blamed for. But wise men are fare more shrewder than that.

My mother is a bit like my wife. My mother designed her home from here and my father spent years running back and forth doing all the horrible, stressful and difficult stuff. When things were ready she appears to give orders. My wife is exactly the same. The difference is my wife will have to get her backside on a plane and make some decisions, because only a fool or a very soft soft man[sorry dad] is going to have a woman make him build a house my proxy. Ain't happening.

Then she was not happy and they had to redo this that and the other...and the woman has the cheek to be going on. See what happens when men spoil their wive's? Now if he got her to lift a couple of dozen cements bags she would not have the energy to be going on with anythhing!

But ultimately the man is the boss of the home. If for one simple reason and it has nothing to do with money. SORRY GIRLS.. My mother put it like this. If there is ten feet of ice outside or snow and one piece of bread or a drop of parrafin. My father has to go and get, it not her. That is how it runs. If my father is not there then she is a woman who can do most things which needs to be done and my uncles can represent in others.

Equally if someone has to sacrifice their life in a second. My father's name is already on that list. My mother has her best hankerchief to wipe her tears, but it is not her who is going to lose her life.

She is the mother and her ship is her chidren. She must stay to care for them. That is how it goes. My wife or sisters/cousins ain't jumping at no head of any cue to give up their life for nish...Sacrifice is generally a one way masculine street.

So we don't have much disagreement on this general rule. Because if we do. My wife is the one who is going to get up 4 in the morning to find an all night chemist for our boy, or I am going to be waking her up next time I hear something strange in the garden..Worse still I will force her to use that damn driving liscence of hers and let her go and buy and maintain her own car and stop trying to organise my time around her pick up needs..

Life is so simple. Why complicate it..gifblksnoreblksnore

"sigh"

no comment

@Sooofresh. I answered you honest question[LOL]..

Why the sigh princess. Is brother Fred wrong. Does what I describe not work well and ensure equality and shared responsiblities within culturally defined roles...

Our women are not complaining. The one's who are unhappy to be honest are the minority, well two actually who have attempted to introduce these new experiments/theories into their homes and which ends up as a mess, with both man and woman going every which way etc And when those women are cussing their men, guess whose names or the type of men, whose names are being pushed in their faces...?

Women generally I find quite contrary and will flip and swicth the game when it suits. Very difficult living like that. Imagine if your man did that to you...?

Simplicity is always best, because life is already complex and no need to introduce it into your home when you care not sure on the realistic outcomes and know from thousands of years experice what works and gives us what we want...

FBniceone.gif

Good systems work by people being clear who is in charge of what and what is shared. So if there is an emergency we don't have to hold conferences and can act. Be it man or woman. If there is no agreement we know who has the legitimate authority to make that call. Man or woman. Simple....blktrainers

Ms_Underst00d wrote:
Hi Ms_Understood, nice statement. what constitutes a good housewife since most of us work (all the women in my family have worked). Is housewife a Western thang? Can we really own that label in any meaningful way since most of us do both?

runfromyourwife wrote:
[quote]Well some would sayÂ*your definition of family is very narrow. You've left out all the alternative family type setÂ*ups thatÂ*we are told toÂ*acknowledge as equal to the traditional family.

@RFYW, I don't believe I defined any family type in particular, but I'm happy to work through how lesbians balance it out or heterosexuals with or without children.

Ja wrote: Good systems work by people being clear who is in charge of what and what is shared. So if there is an emergency we don't have to hold conferences and can act. Be it man or woman. If there is no agreement we know who has the legitimate authority to make that call. Man or woman. Simple

_______________________________

Amen brother.clp)It's like in sports...when you know your role, things tend to run smoother.niceone.gif

brother Fred,

You are not wrong,

Yes it is important to have a male in the figure

BUT

when I think HEAD OF

I am thinking in the lines of Heads ofchemistry department or Head of the military regime.

Someone you answer to, abit tooo formal, Barks orders, make desicions without any external forces.

quite frankly i prefer the term Nuclear family, everybody plays a DIFFERENT but EQUAL role. nobody is AHEAD of anyone