What BabyDaddy hell???confused3You know they are never in the picture,so what have you got to worry about.













*Jett sprints from thread*

blkhide

I almost got caught up in this mess, because from my experiences women who have 1 or 2 children really know how to take care of a man...assuming she isn't ahoodrat. Perhaps it is because she has children that she wants a good man to be around them, so she onlyputs out the best care toa man...not sure.

I had to end it because seeing her interact with herbaby's daddy, it was obvious that she still had a soft spot for him, even thoughshe could notstand being in the same room with him sometimes. He wanted tocome around more after he saw her stepping out of my car. It was better that I let it go early, than be tempted to take her kids' daddy away.

BPhas a point though.

I can see why it’ll be a nightmare if the biological father is taking an active role in the child’s life, but the message he’s giving or the way he is with the kid may conflict with the step father’s values etc. How does one solve these issues without interfering between the child and the dad’s relationship? Also which man should have the final saying in any decision making that concerns everyone involved (i.e. moving, schools, extra curricula for the kid etc)?

ah thats a toughy me lad.

biological father has the legal rights.

to settle it fo' sho the woman needs to go to court to settle access rights once and for all.

once that happens all parties should know where they stand and access to the child will be a more scheduled affair.

stick-upKid wrote:
I totally agree......because step parents can get caught up in a load of mess.....when there are legalities involved.

@BP well that is why I said long time she has to be one exceptional woman for me to think about getting involved in such complexities and to be honest I would struggle to find that time. Because you have to invest even more energy than you would in a less straightforaward relationship and they are resource intensive at best of times.

PH made a point which is so live right now because one of my close bredrins is in exactly the same position and was unloading to me the other day about some serious decision he has to make. His woman has kids and the boy who is growing up he has known him most of his life, as the boy does not havea relationship with the father. But as he is reaching adolescence the boy is enquiring about his father which is not unusual, because most of his friends know their fathers and have decent relationships with them.

This issue is obviously very important to the young man, because he keeps on raising it, which puts my bredrin in an awkard position of reassuring the young man and not lettting it get him down, while on the other hand feeling gutted as he said to me what have I been doing here all these years. At one point he said he felt so bad for the young man, after all he is a father of a son and grew up under his father's roof so he can appreciate how he feels and was thinking of approaching the father who he knows and is a brother in the area.

He then decided against it, because as he said if the woman and mother of the boy is not going out of her way to maintain a relationship with the father, why is he going to put his foot in it and create something she is not going to thank him for.

It is my view many women think they can cobble together make shift new families, like life is a movie, not realising that we are dealing with human beings and it is clear in this instance there is two hurt people involved and I can't see any clear resolution or future in it myself.

These things need to be handled so skillfully and with great wisdom from all parties and that is where the problem lays.

FBconfused3

BP this is one of the most difficult and testing times a man will EVER face, trying to raise another womans kids and hold down the relationship as well.

It takes a REAL man to be able to achieve it believe, and should not be underestimated.

Real tough one as there are so many things to deal with. When you are trying to discipline the kidsthey will turn round and tell you "you're not my dad so piss off" which they do have a point with. You have to go through that barrier and gain their respect, which only comes when they trust you and see you're in it for the long haul.

You gotta make it clear to the children, if the dad is still around, that you are not trying to take the place of their father. You just want to be kinda 'like' a dad to them and someone who cares for their mother.

Also if the biological fathers around you have to set boundaries. Although the man is still the father his rights to your girl have been waived. So when he turns up at the house for the kids hes gotta come under your terms and respect the missus, else other arrangements WILL be made which doesnt involve him coming near the house. Little things like that which just send outthe signal that although he can see his kids you are the one in control. your girl must back you up on this.

If hes the local bad boy with reputation than im sorry you will just have to grow balls. These type of guys will not respect a pussy so just hold your ground same way. Obviously aint worth getting shot over a gal you dont care for, so you need to think carefully about your long term future before you get involved with this senario.

@Le Moor said "It takes a REAL man to be able to achieve it believe, and should not be underestimated.
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Come one bro...expect better from you. Takes a real man...you sound like those young girls who don't know what a man is...And therefore someone who would not take that problem on given their understanding and judgement or experience is what....Not a real man..

Bro a man because of his maturity and insight may not take on such a relationship because of their primary concern for upsetting the lives and routine of a child....He may not have a dolllar or a proper home of his own and see such relationships as an actually easier way out.

About real men. Tell me how many brothers in that situation have any real money or homes of their own or are bringing the women and their kids to live with in their houses or homes?

About real man..trying to piss me off Le Moor. My father who is a man amongst men in his peers would not take such a relationship on not because he is not man, simply because of what he knows about their complexities and has too many alternatives and more important life goals than enmesh himself in uncessary complexities...



Peace.

FBconfused3