Fall for a girl who's been raped?

Would it change how you feel for her?

Could you have children with/marry her?

Does it somehow effect your perception of her... someone you love & make love to having been through something so terrible so violating?

I've never been in that situation, but a friend dated this bird that was raped when she was younger.

It wouldnt bother me. In fact it'd make me try to show her that not all men are like that...awww

Thing is I had akindathought that agirl I know of is being abused by her boss at work. Probably wrong I hope but I don't like the people shes working around after a change in management, nasty characters, shifty looking bunch of rats. Hada flash thought after seeing her withthe new bossthe other day prehaps paranoid thinking of the, ''do you need a lift home?'' senario....

After thinking about it for a bit too long and feeling sick it made methink/feel diffrentlyof her, decided I couldn't like her in the same way, couldn't be with her or prehaps any woman if something like that happened. Didn't dwell on it, it was just a knee jerk reaction to off the emotion involved. Felt as though her being violated was/would've beena part of me being violated,holding something so close to youand having someone change it would meanhaving tochange my perception emotionally to compensate meaning that things wouldn't be the same.

Diffrent if it was pre relationship I guess but it made me wonder about that as well.

Apologies if this is a bit depressing. Its something I never really thought of before wanted to hear peoples opinion on it.

Rebel-Lion wrote: It depends how this has affected her and how she's dealing with it or not. I suppose if it happens when you’re dating her it raises questions about one's notions "protective" masculinity, which has more to do with the guys selfish perceptions of self then about her trauma I would suggest. I used to date a girl that was raped in her teens, she needed a lot more assurances about the relationship, but I wouldn't say her experience played a disproportionate part in our relationship. The only time was when we were out in a park just having a nice walk and she suddenly insisted she had memories of the area, she started walking off almost in a trance and led me to this house by now empty that she suffered her trauma. First I wanted to smash that door down and smash the house to bits but in the end I just wanted to hold her forever.

It depends how this has affected her and how she's dealing with it or not. I suppose if it happens when you’re dating her it raises questions about one's notions "protective" masculinity, which has more to do with the guys selfish perceptions of self then about her trauma I would suggest. I used to date a girl that was raped in her teens, she needed a lot more assurances about the relationship, but I wouldn't say her experience played a disproportionate part in our relationship. The only time was when we were out in a park just having a nice walk and she suddenly insisted she had memories of the area, she started walking off almost in a trance and led me to this house by now empty that she suffered her trauma. First I wanted to smash that door down and smash the house to bits but in the end I just wanted to hold her forever.


Selfish!? How about empathy? That would hurt man.

Ok yeah, the masculine protector thing comes into it but don't you think the pain is shared? A mans nature can hardly be selfish, its his nature, its a part of him.If it wasn't there both him and the woman he would normally seek to protect would be worse off for it.

Sad story. Hope she was ok in the end.

The girl I know has been raped before, cansee it now, not about to ask about it but thats what I was picking up on I think. Its horrible.Itgets tomecause i don't like hurting people, especiallywomen and it makes me wonder about my commitment to her...it'd make me feel uber by her side.

Guess its in that 'Can a person love too much' thread.

Are you still with the girl you mentioned? How was she when you broke up with her... sorry if its a bit personal.

In my younger days I had an experience that taught me if you drop one principle you drop them all. I wold never date a woman with another manschild and I would never date a white woman.

Met this round and brown sistawho was so pretty and so fitwe soon began courting -and through conversation found she already had a nect mans child. Now when I say fit, I'm a bum and legs man myself and this woman was the nearest to Jessica Rabbit I've ever seen....and so humble and innocent, almost naive with it, the whole package was enoughto make me question my own principles.

Decided she was worth dating only to discover her daughter was for a whiteman wh raped her. Felt it for her like a motherf****er but no longer had eyes for her as a date much more a wife. Last I heard she's now married to some church bod and they have twins together. Her Jessica Rabbit bumper has gone out of control and now has a life of it's own.

So from willing to date a single mum only to find there's also grey in the equation, Idecided to stick to my guns. But I guess it's like the single mothers thread, women who have been raped need love to....I like to believe there's someone for everyone....but without crossing race?....tricky!

Rebel-Lion wrote: Ok, I understand the need for empathy and needing to share the pain but I honestly think it's something the girl in question needs to find a way of dealing with. The support of her partner is important, but in my experience even thou this happened to her before I knew her; my instincts at first were anger and the need to damage something when she showed me the house. In a sense she was dealing with her pain and then my pain on top of that which I later realised was unfair, thus realised all I needed to do was be there for her listening to what happened and holding her, it's not a proactive stance of "doing" something if you see my meaning. I'm not with that girl anymore broke up two years ago; I saw it as a "normal" relationship and thus a "normal" break-up. I didn't think "what's going to happen to her because of her earlier trauma". She had found a way of dealing with it and thus it didn't come upvery often. You have to be sure she has found a way of dealing with it, then you must find a way of dealing with it without treating her in a very different way from those who have not had this trauma. If you cannot relax and feel a sense of normality then I would question if either of you are ready for this.

@RL the answer to all or most of the questions is no it would not affect me. All depends on the damage. But having been out with a woman who had emotional damage I would not recommend it for anyone.

Damn hard work and the problem is they are so very good at hiding what they feel because they have been doing it so long. You have the public face and private behaviour scenario which can be so wide apart that you think you are off your head.

So a case of treading lightly.

FB

Rebel-Lion wrote: