^ That is such bull. In my ethnic group, and I'm West African not South African, marriage is seen as a man becoming part of the woman's family. Even today, the man is required to move into the woman's household, not the other way around. And children are seen as belonging to the woman's family. In Africa some societies are matrilineal and others are patrilineal. That's just the way it is, stop pigeonholing Africa to suit your needs. You're views of marriageare probably more Eurocentric than you would like to admit.

Well, many of marital practices in Africa are matrilineal. . .not the other way around.

I must say that I am a bit surprised at this thread.

Well we no longer marry into families as such it's more individualistic. I mean it's one of the prime reasons I couldn't marry a white woman. Me and her may be the 'perfect' couple but what about her family, especially her brother Mick from East Ham. If I had a girlfriend with a traditional African surname I'd definitely take hers and scrap my European one. Hmm...never heard of it myself but it makes me wonder whether couples have scrapped both their names and chose a new one together.

^^ since you put it that way, hmm maybe not.

ive read other peoples opinion and now im not too sure if he is whipped maybe they both have double-barrel names and its their way of showing each other love and being recognised as the joining of two families.

i guess if my husbands culture was for the man to take the female name then hey i wouldn't complain and neither would i think he was any less of a man. but if its not his culture and its purley to do with the fact that he gets to have a slave name that would make his application forms more favourable- i personally think is a problem.

i would not double barrel my name if my man has a slave name as i love my muslim surname which suites my african name.

Very well said Aryek.

Shemsi en Tehuti wrote: --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me make some clarifications here; I don't recall me (VK) calling anyone p***y whipped or p***y. I have never heard of African-men changing their names and taking on their wives surnames( It could exist; but where I am from that is just weird, I will never do that).So brother Shemsi, you should change your surname because of your consciousness not becauseyour futurewife made you to adopt her name, because men do not change their names and adopt that of their wives,I have not heard of such practices in Africa, I could be wrong though. If you want to change your surname beause you feel the surname you have is a slave name, then why can't you choose any other name from the tribe your woman belongs to? where I am from in Africa, when you marry from a certain tribe your wife belongs to,then you are also part of your wifes tribe and she is part of your tribe and vice versa.

So brother Shemsi, what will happenif the lady is an African moslem, or an African Jew;thenare you going to change your surname to Abdullah or Cohen, because you know many Africansparticularly moslems have moslem surnames. What if the lady is moslem, Jew or Hindu, will you convert to get rid of the European surname you carry? I know of an African-American man who married a female relative of mine in New York Stateand he changed all his names and choose names from my tribe before they were marriedbecause he felt the names he has are slave names (according to him). He did not adopt her names but choose some names from the tribe to complete his consciousness, not because She asked him to.

Hey!

My mom took on my dads name but as it was two clans joining they gave me and my brother double barreled sir names. Not no pussy 'ish. Both are from large families so I carry both names... until I commit treason &go through an African naming cerimony and drop both I'm proud of my double barrelled sir name.

Double Barrel sir names = Typically western, at least the term anyway... Reffers to shotgun marriages.

Its obvious that there are diffrent customs in Africa.Most places werematriarchial, the europeans have a thing with being patriarchial. As women are best at reciving wisdom from the ancestors and gods they were/are held in high esteem in positions of power, enough to drive the european women crazy considering their low status in european societies. The muslems also hold their women in high esteem but in a diffrent way... they make it look like they're oppressed when the opposite is true in most places.

As said, it would differ vastly throughout traditions.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matriarchial

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriarch

Shemsi en Tehuti wrote: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

@Shemsi. No you would NOT be laughed at for adopting your wifes family name based on the fact that you are DIASPORAN and based on the HISTORY of what happened to Africans that were brought to the New World as slaves. So the family of the wife to be would understand your reasons. But for me who was born in the continent with both parents from the Continent, then that is a NO, NO and yes I can be laughed at. Different circumstances for me and you. You would be considered as the lost son reclaiming your heritage. I on the other hand if I adopted my wife's name would be considered a lost African who does not know where he is going.

For you as a Diasporan, it would be cool to choose a name from your wifes tribe and actually it will make things easier regarding being accepeted by the family of the wifeas a Diasporan brother and it will remove any doubts with the family if they have any. Regarding choosing other names from the tribe, you can choose any names you want. Even among people from the same tribe we share names so the family is not going to say NO, Don't choose name XYZ, because some-one in the familyalready has that name, it is not their choice but rather your choice. I hope it clears things and if there are any questions, just ask and I would try my best to answer them to the best of my knowledge.

Incognito wrote: Well we no longer marry into families as such it's more individualistic.In Africa, marriage is not an individualistic thing unless they are some Westernized Africans. confused3Marriage in Africa is marrying into the Family and the whole family and relatives from both sides are involved. Some families are even worse, because you might end up being introduced and dealing with a whole army or battalionof relatives who might want respect from you a as an inlaw.

VK - agree the individual thing is western, was more a comment to illustrate the shift in perspective...quite worrying when the shift is deemed as moving forward.