What She Says vs. What She Means
By Victoria Holmes
Relationship Correspondent - Every 2nd Monday



1- "I don't mind when you go to strip joints."

What you think: "My girlfriend is so cool! I need to call the guys right now and head down to Hooters!"

What she probably meant: "Not only can I not believe that you enjoy watching nearly naked gyrating skanks, but I abhor when you go to strip joints! If you really cared about me, you wouldn't even think about ever going to one again!"

The women who play this game do not understand that guys will always love to look at attractive women -- especially ones that are dancing for them, nearly naked and not playing any mind games with them -- and that it really has nothing to do with them at all.

Instead, they take you going to a strip joint as a personal insult to them, and are too insecure to even tell you so directly, so they try using reverse psychology -- which usually doesn't work out as they had hoped.

By telling you that they don't mind, they are hoping that you will turn around and say: "Why would I need to go to a filthy strip joint when I have all the woman I could possibly ever want to look at right now in front of me?"

But you took it at face value, and are still paying for it I'm sure. By going to the club, you not only became a male pig in her eyes, but you also became a thick male pig because you failed to grasp the meaning of such an obvious statement.

What to do next time: Take this statement with a grain of salt and don't get too excited. Don't go to a strip joint that night, or even the following night. But when you do decide to go ogle some big-chested blondes, and she tries to give you flack about it, gently remind her about what she said. She won't be able to say a word.

Learn how to deal with the inevitable query



2- "If you weren't with me, which of my friends would you go for?"

What you think: "This is odd. She wants me to tell her how hot I think her friend Jennifer is. Okay then..."

What she probably meant: "Please tell me that you don't think my friend Jennifer is hotter than me."

Like the previous example, this is yet another test for her to determine if you love her in a way that she deems acceptable or not.

By asking you this question, she is hoping you'll tell her that you can't even picture being with anyone but her, and that, she is, by far, the prettiest of her friends.

What to do next time: Although I don't usually advocate lying, if you don't feel like spending the next few days profusely apologizing to your girlfriend for no reason -- and having your every exchange with Jennifer turn into a paranoid 'r' us convention -- then for God's sake man, do not reveal your said crush.

Try telling her what she wants to hear, and moving in for some action to back up your words of love. (Yes, this is a woman writing this).



3- "Tell me the truth: have I gained weight?"

What you think: "Well, she has been looking a little chunky lately... Here's my chance to make sure that this doesn't go any further. Is that ice cream in her hands?!?"

What she probably meant: "I'm feeling insecure about how I look. Tell me something reassuring."

This is a tough one because on one hand, you don't want to hurt your girlfriend's feelings, but you don't want to be dating a fat chick either. So what is a guy to do?

Tell me you didn't playfully tell her that she's giving Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Diary a run for her money... You poor soul.

What to do next time: She may just be fishing for a compliment. If she really hasn't gained any weight, tell her that she looks fantastic and that she's being silly.

If she has gained over 10 pounds, and it doesn't seem to be stopping, maybe you can gently tell her that you've both put on a few pounds lately, and suggest that you both start going to the gym together.

By using the right tone and choosing your words wisely -- and showing her that you are willing to go to the gym with her -- you will at least make her feel like she has your support.

[align=right]words of wisdom[/align]

It's sad but true: women don't always say what they mean. So don't fall prey to their traps. Try to see through their queries and comments as much as possible, and avoid any undue grief. But remember that some women actually do say what they mean (I know, you just can't win...).



[align=right]the pursuit phase[/align]

She says: "I don't want to ruin our friendship."
What she means: I am not attracted to you, or I don't feel enough chemistry to date you -- but I do like you as friend.

Why she does this: She probably does want to remain friends, but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by admitting that she doesn't feel the same attraction for you.

What you should do: Don't take it personally; she just doesn't feel the same chemistry as you do. Take the hint and work on being friends with her, if that's what you want.





She says: "I'm just so busy with work right now."
What she means: I am not interested in fitting you into my schedule.

Why she does this: She wants to let you down easy. Instead of being blunt, she is hoping you'll just get the picture.

What you should do: When a woman likes a man, she will always find time for him -- no matter what her schedule is like. So don't kid yourself into thinking that the situation might change. Instead, move on right away.





She says: "Are you seeing anyone right now?"
What she means: I might like to submit an application for the position of your girlfriend.

Why she does this: She wants to make sure she is not wasting her precious flirting energy on a man who is already spoken for.

What you should do: Answer honestly, and then hit her up for her phone number.

Things she says during the dating phase and what they really[/i] mean

[align=right]the dating phase[/align]

She says: "Do you really want to go to that restaurant/movie/dinner party?"
What she means: I really don't want to go to.

Why she does this: She doesn't want to go, but she doesn't want to appear stubborn either. She is probably hoping you'll sense her hesitation and come up with an alternate plan that pleases her.

What you should do: If you have your heart set on going to that particular destination, stick to your guns. Otherwise, you might want to switch up in order to please her. Remember this: If you keep her happy, she'll keep you happy.





She says: "You have a knack for dealing with kids. They really seem to respond to you."
What she means: I am contemplating eventually having children with you and am wondering where you stand in that department.

Why she does this: An indirect question is her way of feeling you out without freaking you out.

What you should do: Don't freak out. She is probably thinking very distantly into the future (yes, women do this). If, however, you absolutely positively know that you never want kids, this would be a good time to say it.



She says: "Where is this relationship going?"
What she means: I would like us to graduate to a more serious, exclusive relationship.

Why she does this: She wants you to be the one to suggest exclusivity.

What you should do: This depends on whether or not you actually want exclusivity. If so, suggest it. If not, let her know that you care about her, but are not interested in being exclusive right now.





She says: "I feel so close to you right now. You know me so well."
What she means: I am starting to feel the l-word, but I don't want to be the first to say it.

Why she does this: It's a scary thing to be the first to say "I love you." It's much easier for her to hint and hope that you'll take the plunge first.

What you should do: Do not -- under any circumstances -- say the l-word if you don't mean it. If you do feel it, then go ahead; otherwise, don't say anything. In the long run, you'll be happy not to get entangled in such a lie.





She says: "I feel like our relationship is stuck in a routine right now."
What she means: I want you to be more romantic and spontaneous, and surprise me more. I need you to pay more attention to my needs.

Why she does this: She doesn't want to hurt your feelings and admit that you are, in part, the cause of the rut.

What you should do: You don't need to change your personality entirely, but it wouldn't kill you to surprise her every once in a while. Call her out of the blue and tell her you're taking her for dinner, go on a spontaneous weekend away, or just surprise her with her favorite chocolates.

What does it mean if she tells you some guy was flirting with her all night, if she asks whether you get along with your mother, and all those strange things she says when you're breaking up...





She says: "A man was flirting with me all night."
What she means: Does it make you jealous?

Why she does this: She wants you to know that she's a hot commodity and that other men are interested in her. She wants you to appreciate what you have.

What you should do: Don't respond to it in a way she'll expect, like by getting angry or jealous. Instead, pay her a compliment -- she's definitely fishing for it. Don't get all insane with jealousy; just let her know what she means to you, or else she'll be playing this card every so often to set you straight.





She says: "Do you get along well with your mother?"
What she means: Are you a family man?

Why she does this: A man who gets along with his mother tends to be more loyal, sensitive and devoted -- at least that's the stereotype that a lot of women buy into.

What you should do: Talk about how close you and your mother are; you could even tell a couple of stories. Just enough to affirm that yes, you get along with her.

[align=right]the breakup phase[/align]

She says: "I'm just not ready to make a commitment."
What she means: I'm not ready to commit to you, and may never be.

Why she does this: She uses this tactic to soften the blow; nine times out of 10, this means that she doesn't see a future with you... ever[/i].

What you should do: Don't stick around until she's ready to make a commitment. Chances are, when she's finally ready, it won't be with you.





She says: "I think we should stay friends."
What she means: I am trying to cut you out of my life gradually.

Why she does this: She thinks it would be easier to gradually stop seeing you instead of going cold turkey. She may even want to keep you around as a backup.

What you should do: Stay friends if you like. But don't let yourself become the backup guy. If she wants to get back together down the line, ask yourself if she's only doing it because she hasn't found anyone else.

[align=right]read between the female lines[/align]

By now, you should know that a woman's words can be very loaded. Unlike a man, she often uses hints and insinuations to steer you in her direction. Her way isn't necessarily better or worse than yours -- just different. But after perusing the above list, you should be armed and ready for any curve balls she might send your way.

Oh then..follow these rules..!!



that way you wont get dumped !!(again..but who is keeping count eh)!!