damn...whatsup with the abusive brothers out there?

wifeable · (#1 (**permalink**))

I once asked a fellow student at my uni why this event occurs so commonly, well at least it does when I happen to witness or experience it myself, though I am sure there are many sisters who have emerged womanhood unscaved. The question being, why do some brothers turn nasty at the drop of a hat if a woman does not respnd to their advances?
And I am not talking blantant disrespect from the woman, I am talking just doesn't respond, or responds with a "no"

For instance today I was walking through the town center and some black man tried to interrupt me with CD's as i was on the phone, he said excuse me and before he could stand in my path to stop me i said: and these were my exact words "no, I don't want a CD". Bearing in mind i have a sore throat and cannot speak much higer than a whisper at the moment, so there was definately no attitude, or loud mouth humilation from me to make him feel defensive. However, as i passed he obviously felt he had to hurl abuse at me, and then started insulting my hair saying I need a relaxer! ( obviously to him my hair is not straight and caucasianiod enough to meet his standards!)
I told him to F-off and walked away declining the offer of a public black on black spectacle.
my point is, this happens all to often, i have caught hell off black men, and no other race of man has ever done this to me. Admittedly i haven't always been a saint in my youngers years, but even now as i am more careful and awear of my safety, but if i dare to even utter "no" i can and have got told to suck my mum (a favourite), whore, b1tch, black this black that...AND THIS IS BY BLACK MEN, I've even been spat at and followed by a car full of crazy men before.
the guy from my uni days said that in HIS OPINION its because black men have no one left to put down further than themselves but black women and this is why some are so quick to try and humiliate us, which seems logical enough to me. Over the years its really made me reluctant to talk to some black men who approach me, infact if i see one coming i think looks the type i grab my phone and pretend i'm taking a call, just to avoid the possibilty because in the back of my mind i worry they are going to get agrressive, And the worse thing is when i spotted the cd guy, i thought to myself here we go again, and brought out my phone decoy....and stereotypically, he did not dissapoint!
fellas, and sista's what is your opinion?

Black_Power · (#2 (**permalink**))

So because some random Bro told you to straighten your natty head your gonna jump up start chucking labels round?

wifeable · (#3 (**permalink**))

I asked for your opinion....I'm not sure where your opinion is in that response. Anyway, what labels am I throwing around? Are you saying some black men are not agressive? is that your opinion?

yeah my hair is curly and natty and i love it

An_Advanced_Spark · (#4 (**permalink**))

Its not fair to target black men specifically and this type of threads piss me off to the max, wifeable if your so wifeable why don't your hubby sort them out?>>>> KMT

Any way, I must say at my work place (predom white) there was an event in which a woman was punched in the face for refusing an offer of sex.. was that abusive? Yes Was the man black no!
You get good men you get bad men. Simple... You coulda asked the question about men in general but targeting black specifically just foolish>>> Continues kiss teeth

Judge J · (#5 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by wifeable

I once asked a fellow student at my uni why this event occurs so commonly, well at least it does when I happen to witness or experience it myself, though I am sure there are many sisters who have emerged womanhood unscaved. The question being, why do some brothers turn nasty at the drop of a hat if a woman does not respnd to their advances?
And I am not talking blantant disrespect from the woman, I am talking just doesn't respond, or responds with a "no"

For instance today I was walking through the town center and some black man tried to interrupt me with CD's as i was on the phone, he said excuse me and before he could stand in my path to stop me i said: and these were my exact words "no, I don't want a CD".

Maybe he felt offened by not necessarily your response, but the fact that you didn't even hear him out before he got to finish what he had to say.

However I myself have in the past switched on those guys trying to sell me their CDs

Bearing in mind i have a sore throat and cannot speak much higer than a whisper at the moment, so there was definately no attitude, or loud mouth humilation from me to make him feel defensive. However, as i passed he obviously felt he had to hurl abuse at me, and then started insulting my hair saying I need a relaxer! ( obviously to him my hair is not straight and caucasianiod enough to meet his standards!)

Some people do get offensive when they are rejected. However for what you know he may have had that attitude all day, maybe he has had a bad day, may be he has familyu problems, maybe he has bills to pay...

I told him to F-off and walked away declining the offer of a public black on black spectacle.

my point is, this happens all to often, i have caught hell off black men, and no other race of man has ever done this to me. Admittedly i haven't always been a saint in my youngers years, but even now as i am more careful and awear of my safety, but if i dare to even utter "no" i can and have got told to suck my mum (a favourite), whore, b1tch, black this black that...AND THIS IS BY BLACK MEN, I've even been spat at and followed by a car full of crazy men before.

Yeah some people are immature, but in my experience this is a negative element of human nature, its not exactly A BLACK THING. However your experience is your experience.

Spitting at you is unacceptable, they are obviously missing a few brain cells

the guy from my uni days said that in HIS OPINION its because black men have no one left to put down further than themselves but black women and this is why some are so quick to try and humiliate us, which seems logical enough to me.

Maybe for some

Over the years its really made me reluctant to talk to some black men who approach me, infact if i see one coming i think looks the type i grab my phone and pretend i'm taking a call, just to avoid the possibilty because in the back of my mind i worry they are going to get agrressive, And the worse thing is when i spotted the cd guy, i thought to myself here we go again, and brought out my phone decoy....and stereotypically, he did not dissapoint!
fellas, and sista's what is your opinion?

So you have decided to brand all Black men by the actions of a few. I find this kinda disappointing. How is a kind considerate , and understanding Brother mean't to appreciate and get to know you, if you take that course of action ?

wifeable · (#6 (**permalink**))

advanced spark
right, now you've kissed all the plaque off your teeth go ahead scrape the crust out of your eyes and read the bits of the post that say "some black men" not all, SOME. and i'm sorry, but it's true some brothers get abusive. that is a fact, as its happened to me or i've witnessed it. so insults aside, ACCEPT IT

secondly, get over my username....those gags are dead, they don't upset me (if that was the object, and i'll never change my log on name)

if you are capable of taking the actual point of the post and responding to it then please do

the cold hard truth is some black men diss black women if they decline approaches, don't really pay attention to what white men do to white women, i just know i have never had a man of any other race tell me to go suck. Furthermore, what I find more interesting is the opinion my male classmate offered, i would like to know your take on that.

Judge J · (#7 (**permalink**))

As far as your friend is concerned in some cases it can be possible for that to be the case. However it will depend on the males past history with relationships, how he was treated, as well as his upbringing.

Some people carry baggae from their past relationships into their next relationships, and at times unless these issues are dealt with they can spring up again via nbegative formats.

ITS NOT A BLACK THING

wifeable · (#8 (**permalink**))

Judge J

I dunno, maybe he was having a bad, I understand bad days but don't understand why i got told to relax my hair because i didnt want to buy a CD....i thought it was up to me what i spent my own money on, jeez

anyway, i find alot of ppl ignore posters attempts to use the word SOME despite CAPS LOCK. I think you have done this. I have not branded all black men...honestly,i simply don't know all black men. But some, unfortunetly like to run their mouths. As for me focusing this on black men, probably is because I am very aware of other blk people above any other race, who knows why i haven't experienced this from non black men. I'm sure amongst other races there are similar tensions- but i wouldn't know.

SOME or probably most (NOTE CAPS) guys approach women in a very non threatening way, and these types i wouldnt have a problem talking with as i wouldn't feel intimidated so if you know you are not making the lady feel slightly nervous i'm sure you'd be fine approaching

Incognito · (#9 (**permalink**))

Hey the brothas juggling CD's man...he isn't exactly having a ball...and there are brothas who wouldn't even do that...you'd probably get a better response from a brotha juggling travel cards

He probably wanted to ask you for directions. Assumptions - the mother of all f**k ups!

astmartins · (#10 (**permalink**))

@Wifeable

You sound like lilsoul ...ok make up your mind ..you just answered your own question by insinuating it was the action of a few probably wherever you dwell or socialize ...
back to the topic Yes i have this seen this take place in the UK and on holiday not to flatter your ego its not restricted to just black women its anyone that takes their fancy and its them young boys all under 25..you wouldn't find a cool cat like me approaching any woman in the street too much pride ..

wifeable · (#11 (**permalink**))

astmartins

no im not lilsoul
anyway, i spoke to a friend of mine and she said she was quite suprised at my experiences, and one of the factors is because she has the luxury of her own transport and doesn't spend much time in public, sadly for me i don't own a car, but i'm sure when i do the instances of abusive encounters will decline.

yes u are right the guys around my ends are abit lacking in heirs and graces much of the time, so yes i do think social environment is a factor on why somebody would want to start swearing at a complete stranger

salsaqueen · (#12 (**permalink**))

I don't understand why you're all jumping on the girl. Let me ask you a question. Say you're walking down a road and as you passed a Yorkshire terrier it tried to bite you, then you walked passed another one and it done the same thing, and kept happening as you walked down the road... Are you not going to be wary of the 5th one you passed?