A black family's worse fears...relatives in mixed race relationships..

Kunjufu · (#1 (**permalink**))

**This is just me clearing my chest..**

My father passed this week, after a long illness....as the title suggests when he left my mother he choose to marry outside of his culture... Which is perhaps one of the reason why I'm so against advocating these type of relationship because of the pain and disrespect that being with someone who does not respect or recognise cultural protocols at significant times like these...just goes to underline why these type of relationships for me are just plain wrong...period!!

However I cannot in all good conscious let my father or black men like him off the hook lightly either... Anyone who knows me knows that I loved my father such as he was, mistakes and all... However my father and black men like him who get involved in these type of relationship are a utter disgrace, especially when they forget themselves and then expect the people they leave behind to clean up or reconcile their life choices....

How many times have we as black people heard stories of Black men & women, marrying outside of their culture and when they dead, that partner virtually taking liberties with the family and children.. stories of men, especially being buried in the cheapest and disrespectful way possible...of arguments when naturally brothers/sister, parents or children want to honor their parent properly..but the wife/husband not allowing it..

I never thought the day would come when I would be in such a position, yet here i am having to watch and accept my father not even being buried, but disposed off like unwanted rubbish..and in a way that contradicts him as a proud Jamaican and his long years on this earth... further the wretch is doing everything possible to be divisive and upset his BLACK family..... But when all said and done it is his fault this could not have happened if Black men like him didn't forget themselves, he did not give them license for these people to do that in life..

In death one is supposed to be sad and have regret for the life just passed, but to be honest my feeling is one of relief, of not having to consort and mix with certain people..who this week demonstrated the most disgusting behaviour to the memory of the man they claimed they 'loved' ... It is at times like theses, that remind me whywe are not supposed to mix wid these dutty disgusting people must less lie down wid dem...

People can tell me i'm werong on this..but I know that when i dead...my wife would never send me on my way to the next life in the dutty disgusting manner that I've witness so far.. in fact unless the Black woman is truly lost I don't know of any Black woman who would do that...it is only ever certain dutty cave dwellers who behave like this and then look you full in the face and call it 'love'..

So the learning point for all those idiot black people who wrap up wid dem people deh..mek sure Oonu sort fi oonu business and don't EXPECT that it will be sorted afterwards because it won't...

Thankfully after next friday I don't have to see, hear or smell dem dutty stinking rasse again..what a blessed relief...

If this sounds angry it was meant to..if it sounds disrespectful it wasn't, the disrespect comes from idiot people who tek up wid dem type of people..

x_Lullaby_x · (#2 (**permalink**))

So sorry for your loss.....

Its just over 2 years when I boycotted my sisters funeral for the same reasons. They cremated her as cheaply and quickly as possible in order to make way for the inheritance war which is apparently still raging.......she has no headstone, no grave, NOTHING. Needless to say I havent spoken to these 'family' members since.

Kunjufu · (#3 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by x_Lullaby_x

So sorry for your loss.....

Its just over 2 years when I boycotted my sisters funeral for the same reasons. They cremated her as cheaply and quickly as possible in order to make way for the inheritance war which is apparently still raging.......she has no headstone, no grave, NOTHING. Needless to say I havent spoken to these 'family' members since.

This is just one of slackness I'm talking about..and the thing is for me..I don't even want their dutty stinking money..I wouldn't lower myself.... how can you say you love someone but then cremate and put them in a plastic container..?

Le Moor · (#4 (**permalink**))

Sorry to hear your loss Kunjufu, my condolences.

For what its worth, I can kind of can relate to what your saying as my Dad divorced my mother in their retirements and now hes living with a white woman.

x_Lullaby_x · (#5 (**permalink**))

A question I have asked myself many times, Kunjufu.......The worst thing for me is that the children have nowhere to go where they can put flowers and remember their mum......

Kunjufu · (#6 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by x_Lullaby_x

A question I have asked myself many times, Kunjufu.......The worst thing for me is that the children have nowhere to go where they can put flowers and remember their mum......

I know what you mean, at least i was with him at the end and held his hand when he passed so that will stay with me... but I'm just speechless at the brazeness of their behaviour...

Le Moor...Bwoy I feel for you because that must really hurt...I can only imagine the pain you're poor mother must feel....to struggle all them years and then see him run off when they are supposed to enjoy their final years...

Le Moor · (#7 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kunjufu

I know what you mean, at least i was with him at the end and held his hand when he passed so that will stay with me... but I'm just speechless at the brazeness of their behaviour...

Le Moor...Bwoy I feel for you because that must really hurt...I can only imagine the pain you're poor mother must feel....to struggle all them years and then see him run off when they are supposed to enjoy their final years...

Nah, it was my mudda who finally kicked him out for his years of wotlissness. I just feel sad for her that she has to grow old on her own, its not how i would have wanted it for her. She must get lonely even though she never admits it.

Judge J · (#8 (**permalink**))

Firstly Sorry for your loss.

On the subject matter I see your point. No one in my family has gone down that route, however I do know family friends who have.

For example one of my parents close friends ( who is a male) has an older brother (qualified doctor) who chose to marry an irish lady. This cause problems as thhe guys father disapproved of it. The situation got so tense that the elder brother stopped talking with his father.

What made me sick was that when the father was in hospital, nearing his death he still refused to see him. In our culture when a family member dies all the family members get together , pool our money together to take the body home to be buried. This fool wouldn't even do that, he was all hugging up his white wife.

He refused to come to the burial, and didn't even contribute to helping to get the body home.

They son who disregared his father apparently died this year, and his white wife was trying to get many familes to attend his funeral. My mum refused to go , however I think my dad went.(ILL LEAVE IT AT THAT).

Whenever guys marry outside their race, they seem to disregard their culture totally and embrace that of the outsiders.

jett Black · (#9 (**permalink**))

Sorry to read of your loss Kunjufu,which has been further compunded by the wrenkness of these people.

Firstly, as a son, I would have thought you get some say as to how your father is sent off??

My Mother was cremated because I knew these were her wishes(and mine when I pass) its a conversation we had quite a few times,however I know this method is not for many old school West Indians..which is fair enough..i'm sure there must have been a few internal"tut tuts" at my Mothers homegoing from certain family members but at the end of the day,they didnt know her and I as an only child had the final say......I dont know what I would have done had I had to battle any of these people as I was already in a pretty fragile state.

Anyway I dont know what your fathers wishes were but am presuming they were probably traditional and you are right to say that if these are your wishes one needs to make them clear and have them written down,if they are cremating your father just to expedite the situation,its a crying shame!

Kunjufu · (#10 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by jett Black

Sorry to read of your loss Kunjufu,which has been further compunded by the wrenkness of these people.

Firstly, as a son, I would have thought you get some say as to how your father is sent off??

My Mother was cremated because I knew these were her wishes(and mine when I pass) its a conversation we had quite a few times,however I know this method is not for many old school West Indians..which is fair enough..i'm sure there must have been a few internal"tut tuts" at my Mothers homegoing from certain family members but at the end of the day,they didnt know her and I as an only child had the final say......I dont know what I would have done had I had to battle any of these people as I was already in a pretty fragile state.

Anyway I dont know what your fathers wishes were but am presuming they were probably traditional and you are right to say that if these are your wishes one needs to make them clear and have them written down,if they are cremating your father just to expedite the situation,its a crying shame!

Jett...The man has a will...not that I've been allowed to see it...and I've been told that this was his wish....this may well be true... But having a cremation does not mean you have to do cheap and cheerful or DIY... Like i said I'm just speechless...

jett Black · (#11 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kunjufu

Jett...The man has a will...not that I've been allowed to see it...and I've been told that this was his wish....this may well be true... But having a cremation does not mean you have to do cheap and cheerful or DIY... Like i said I'm just speechless...

Man well if thats the case Kunjufu you might have to come to blows IM SERIOUS,you only get to see your parent/s off once and if you dont do everything in your power to make your voice heard on yor fathers behalf you'll regret it.

I know its not a money ting for you,they most likely think it is.

Its a respect thing and you have to step in if that option is still available to you.