All Men Must Face This At Some Point...

Shemsi en Tehuti · (#1 (**permalink**))

...that no matter how aesthetically blessed your woman is, you will always be able to find someone who is more appealing than her. This reality unfortunately has many men caught up in bachelorhood looking for that one perfect woman well into their 30's, and for some men into their 40's or 50's. It is so crazy because even if/when you get that woman that has everything from intelligence to a good career and even great looks, it seems like many men still can't help themselves with other women for the simple fact that they are different from what they already have. Perhaps that is all it is...it is just the idea of having something different.

How do you break the cycle? I am not married, so I am curious to hear from any married, or thus knowledgeable, people.

How do you look at the good woman in front of you and essentially say, "I don't want any better"...LOL...ok, not quite that, but become content and satisfied with what is in front of you?

I know many men are reluctant to even discuss this topic, but there is an ever-present reality that we are not building the African family nearly as much as we should be. I feel that especially our career-oriented Africans should be having more than one or two children, while some even go childless given how long they waited to find "the One." We are having children later and later, albeit sometimes due to career aspirations, but often it is because men are looking for that perfect woman.

What needs to happen, perhaps in a man's experience or mentality, to overturn this prolonged bacherlorhood and foster more commitment to an African woman?

Kunjufu · (#2 (**permalink**))

I think that the fault of men..[myself included when i was young] was that we get too caught up on looks and being one up on everyone else. The fact is as you quite rightly point out is that just like the person who thinks they are the BEST fighter, there will always be someone bigger and better..I agree that the same applies to partners, no matter how good you think your partner looks, there will always be someone that much better looking..

So for I think I got to a point where I simply stopped trying to find THAT woman, and at the time i was stuck on stupid so my woman had to have the 'Hollywood' looks.. And i just tried to find someone i could:

(a) have fun with,
(b) Have a shared ambition
(c) wanted to be adventurous..
(d) hardworking..

I think when i came to that conclusion i was a lot happier and I was much more settled.. I think if you get stuck at comparing and contrasting which is what most men do, whether they admit or not..then you will always be unhappy and unsettled imo...

So my opinion to the author of this thread is to relax, and look to build instead of trying to find that ready to wear perfect woman...

Le Moor · (#3 (**permalink**))

[quote=Shemsi en Tehuti;1446241]...that no matter how aesthetically blessed your woman is, you will always be able to find someone who is more appealing than her.

More apealing in what way?. If its in every department then either you've taken your present woman for granted or you're with the wrong partner. If its purely a pyshical superiority then you need to either stop being so shallow and show some discipline or marry a Miss World look-a-like and then you won't have the problem, until her tits start to sag at least, then you will need to look again if your standards havent changed.

This reality unfortunately has many men caught up in bachelorhood looking for that one perfect woman well into their 30's, and for some men into their 40's or 50's. It is so crazy because even if/when you get that woman that has everything from intelligence to a good career and even great looks, it seems like many men still can't help themselves with other women for the simple fact that they are different from what they already have. Perhaps that is all it is...it is just the idea of having something different.

Or perhaps its the simple fact of fugging someone different.

Lets get real. If its anything thing else and your feelings are genuine, then you're probably with the wrong person or fooled in believing the 'grass is greener' when you already have everything that you need.

How do you break the cycle? I am not married, so I am curious to hear from any married, or thus knowledgeable, people.

How do you look at the good woman in front of you and essentially say, "I don't want any better"...LOL...ok, not quite that, but become content and satisfied with what is in front of you?

What needs to happen, perhaps in a man's experience or mentality, to overturn this prolonged bacherlorhood and foster more commitment to an African woman?

You have to think of the consequences of not being with your current partner, and how much you would miss all the things you love about them. You have to learn how to appreciate what you've got, (but thats not to say that you should settle for what you've got if its not really what you want) Also how can you be so sure about this other girl. You know you have to live with someone to really get to know them, so how can you be so sure they are right for you.

To be honest Shemsi that was the long answer. The short one is evaluate the whole package and not just the sex and the looks.

Right, having said all that im off to see the mistress......lol

Madam Butterfly · (#4 (**permalink**))

Maybe instead of tryng to find someone who is "perfect" in the general sense, you should look for the partner that is perfect for YOU. If you find several someones who would be "perfect for you" then you probably need to either raise your standards or be more descerning (or just less greedy!) Someone could look the best, be the most intelligent, have the most dynamic personality or exciting career, but that does not mean they are someone you could or would want to spend the rest of your life with.

How many folks go for someone because they are ambitious or career orientated, then get fed up of them spending all there time at work? how many people go for someone because they look good, then complain when they "let themselves go" or use their looks to flirt with others? How many people get with someone because they are intelligent, then complain when their partner seems to belittle them in public? How many people go for someone because of their outgoing nature, then complain that their partner spends too much time with their friends and not with them? The point is, "perfect" is a relative term, not a standardized one.

Ask yourself if you want a partner who is perfect for you, or a partner all your friends would want? With people of a certain age, it tends to be the latter. People only start to "settle" when they realize they are getting too old to be picky/fear of being alone/biological clock starts to tick.

My dad was with my mum for 16 years and always said he would "wait til he was old" to get married. he eventually left her for someone else he thought would be "better". Result? He died alone at the relativly young age of 53.