seeing so many of our sisters with fake hair, straitened hair, caucasian hair styles... hearing the excuses they give for the choice that do not wash, such as 'it is easier to maintain/keep' or 'we do not really style it like white chicks', while in reality the only conclusion that can be made about this behaviour is our womenfolk think it makes them look better (nappy hair makes them look fugly), but especially seeing a lot of my own relations, blood siblings of a conscious brother get the strait hair bug, has got me to thinking: if women are the other half of males, and we are males by sheer chance, isn't our nature reflected in our other half? if so few of our women desire to look natural, would it not be logical to conclude they hate how they are made by the almighty, and that we too display this same behaviour in ways we are not very conscious of, that, being who we are, thinking the way we do, if we were to get a sex change, deep down we would feel straitening our hair is the way to go, and would end up the same way as our sistren?

i think the issue is not so much restricted to our women, but is a statement on how the entire race feels about itself, about how much we like not just our hair, but our very flesh.

While I do agree that as a collective we hold very negative views of ourseleves, I'm on the fence about the issue that you've raised in this thread. I had my hair relaxed about eight years ago and in no way was I trying to make it look like a white person's hair. It just seemed like the thing to do and I think a lot of black women relax their hair for that same reason. It's sad when you really think about it but getting a relaxer has become a rite of passage for many black girls and they do it without much thought to whom they are trying to emulate. I'm natural now, and have been for a long time, but I only went natural after a relaxer damaged my hair. I went natural with the intention to relax my hair again but after months of being natural, I feel in love with my hair, so to speak, and it was so much easier to take care of it than my relaxed hair so I decided to stay natural.

However, my experience does not reflect other people's experience with their natural hair. There are a number of black women who go natural only to end up relaxing, texturizing or flat ironing their hair like 90% of the time. A lot of the time their reasons for making this decision centers on the fact that natural hair was too difficult to care for (i.e. it tangled too much, had too many knots, took forever to detangle, etc. While some people may be quick to dismiss these women as making excuses for themselves, I think that they are actually making some valid points.

Many of you men don't keep your hair longer than two inches. I've had hair that short so I know how easy it is to care for our hair at that length. But once you start growing your hair to longer lengths, things change. Our hair does have a tendency to knot and it does take a long time to detangle it. I think that sometimes we get so sick and tired of people complaining about kinky hair that we're quick to classify women who make these complaints about their hair as self-haters. However, I don't think that issue is as cut and dry as that. Having hair that tangles and knots easily can be a source of frustration if you don't know how to remedy it. In fact one of the reasons why I've stayed natural is because I found a way to solve this problem. Before then there were times that I would actually go to the BSS, stare at relaxers and try to talk myself out of relaxing my hair.

Not every black woman who complains about her hair is making excuses for herself or secretly believes that their natural hair makes them look ugly. I think we do our community a disservice by not lending an ear to them and actually try to help them find non-chemical solutions to these problems. There are women who just want their hair straight and then there are those who want to be natural but have a hard time taking care of their hair. There isn't a lot of cultural knowledge about taking care of natural hair so it goes without saying that some people will be at a lost for what to do with their hair.

Does the same apply to women who wear relaxed hair or their weave in styles that are CLEARLY not "white-girl styles?" What would you say to that?
I think most women who relax or weave their hair do it because, as Aryek mentioned, that is just the style. Many black women have created their own styles out of weave and relaxed hair, and add-ons etc that identifies more culturally with Africa or diasporic African culture. What would you say of these women?

Oh, and to answer your question concerning the menfolk. The men (not ALL, obviously) don't need to change their appearance, their role in this comes merely through preferring, and therefore perpetuating, these "caucasion" styles on these women.
There are plenty of guys out there who will talk about how much they hate weave and relaxers then turn right back around and say "I love natural hair....that's long and wavy."

do not get me wrong on this one, but i understand what you are saying and am in no way downplaying the dynamics.

i agree with what you say afterwards. it is in part the tragedy of the situation... when what is at base a complex gets to be seen as 'the natural thing to do'. it would not even be considered a complex if it was not as rampant, and as extreme as it can get at times. personal experience of direct exposure to relaxed, weaved, etc., hair is of the unnatural, to both sight and feel, without regard for the expense and renown of the hairdresser.
happens a lot, but most women i know do not do the sensible thing you did because they see no other way out. they just continue and end up with whiskers for hair, then have to wig it all over to hide the damage.

this is the main reason put forward by most women i know, the very first one i heard when i was but a child, that actually says/makes the wrong impression about whoever is saying it. the thing is, for one who has known and knows a lot of brothers sporting Afros, and also the fact my hair grew long and at one time i had a rasta, with proper care, in fact half or less of the care that goes into maintaining artificially straitened hair, the afro comb does a very smooth job of ironing out the knots, every time. here i am talking both light to heavy kinks.

but then i have to be more understanding and realize the pressures some women go through daily make them opt for what they consider easier to make look presentable, and here again my suspicion is that, if it was indeed the case that untreated hair is harder to maintain, but represented a beauty standardwithin the system, natural curls would be worth the trouble.
i agree.

i have always been of this opinion. in my words, African women see blonde women in our hollywood whooped/hooked eyes, and the only way they can compete/get our attention is to emulate what we desire. this does not mean to say the problem can then be laid squarely at the feet of the males. this isn't a general state of affairs neither, as most Africans remain wed to physical characteristics that typify the black female, albeit some are hunting for those features (full bottom, bossom and lips), in white chicks.

despite the odds, black males remain at the top of the feeding chain where partner attraction is concerned, which is part of the reason we are such a threat in western cultures, and women, both white and African, are checking black males out for that, a significant percentage of who happen to be checking for strait hair.


hmmmm! are there really? i know it could be psychological but then i do not believe there is a black male who would say it openly like that...

All good points.

Concerning the last bit, I have had men, black men, approach me and "complain" to me in what they think is a compliment that there is too much weave everywhere and how nobody wears their natural hair anymore and they are attracted to "natural" beauty and how my hair is natural and long and "so curly". Clearly they can see that I am half European?...and that many black women with more African in them than myself will probably not have my specific texture? So yes, to me that is as good as an admittance of preference for European features. Either that or they thought that by "blowing me up" I would sleep with them...which is also a great possibility.

ETA: I have had one fella even say that he thought "it was nice that I don't have to put weave in my head to have long hair". I avoid little boys like that like the plague. Pure ignorance. So ignorant that they don't even know what they're saying as it's coming out of their mouth, so believe that there are a few stupid black males out there that will put both feet in their mouth.

Afriki, thank you for pointing out the damn hypocricy of some of these men who go around complaining about weaves and relaxers. The sad truth is that the only type of "natural" hair that black people are prepared to accept is the natural hair that curls. Even among naturals, they seem to have erected some hierarchy of natural hair textures, with looser or more defined curl patterns being seen as more acceptable than hair that grows out as a straight up afro. Ask them to show what types of natural hair they like and they'll go and point out hair textures that look nothing like the hair growing out of the scalps of the majority of black people. They say they love natural hair but what they really mean is natural hair that doesn't grow into an afro. Lol... bunch of jokers.

just wondering why this is in the mens village

MB that proposition is completely unknowable. Yep I thought why is this in the men's section...A man cannot answer how he would be if he as socialised as a woman and exposed to the perverse influences they have to under go or experience no more than a woman can do vice versa.

At best all men can do is shake their heads or not...Can't see what else they can do. Support blond wigs or laugh at them...