With all the fuss about us Black men and our 'lack of commitment' along with other talks and debates stemming from the issue, fatherhood and so on, don't people think that our past culture and ways are an issue?... Aren't we struggling to accept a western christian culture of single marriage and involvement past our Polygamous nature as Africans?

Will no doubt kick up fuss with the women on board, no uneducated veiws on the issue please, it was in practice for thousands of years prior to the Maafa and still is in many places, in my opinion western ideals of relationships are simply against our nature.

With all the talk about our cultural heritage our ideals on relationships should be the first to be taken into account regardless of wether they clash with the given western ideals or not, it isn't an infringement on womens rights in any way as the dynamic of responsibility would change, women have always been well respected in our culture.

Are we letting our westernization hinder our veiws and relationship to the past and as a result allowing it to effect present day issues? Is our polygamous past an issue in regard to relationships and if so why isn't it being noted in talks on creating working family units?

I know there was another topic on this, am starting a fresh one.

HTP
B.L

"Polygamy is in our nature" is an EXCUSE when men want to lie to multiple women and juggle them around.

First, true polygamy is about having the resources to take care of multiple wives and children openly..........

Second, very few...less than .01% of us in the diaspora even know what our native ethnic tribes or languages were...so how could we even know that we are from region where polygamy was practiced or an ethnic group that condoned it.


We are chameleons when it comes to being African...we claim and deny it when it suits us and our desires.

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Polygamy is one thing.....what lot of these guys out here are doing...lying to women....is cowardice.

tell them how it is D!

polygamy was not as widespread as it seems........it was the domain of the rich who could AFFORD, and as correctly stated, it was for economic reasons not sex! is the family unit also provided labour in farms etc.

since it is tribal tradition, if now days disporians want to indulge in polygamy then be prepared to accept ALL traditions of tribe in question........like paying for everything! remember women in polygmy did not work........so you can't pick and choose bits OLD tradition, its all or nothing!

I won't go that far So Fresh.....

Woman who doesn't work is obsolete.......like an 8 track player.

I just wanted to differentiate between polygamy which was out in the open.....and the "so called players" of today.....

Sorry to disrupt your rose-tinted view of polygamy. You're partly right in that it was common pre-colonialism/transatlantic slavery in some African cultures...but so was monogamy. I'm Igbo and one of my grandparents was polygamous despite being Christian and one of my great-grandparents was monogamous - despite NOT being Christian and lived in the pre-colonial era. Both my parents came from polygamous families and they certainly did not have a Walton-esque, happy experience because of it.

In view of the HIV/AIDS/STI pandemic - I do not think there is a place for polygamy in the 21st century.

If it works I have no issue with it, but I guess we need to define 'works'. Conceptually have no issue with a man having many wives...as long as they all know about each other and accept each other. On the being able to afford it thing, not as if these people needed an excuse but the benefit system plays straight into a players hand.

Think conceptually there is a key point which needs to be made, polygamy assumes marriage and the significance that comes with it. Do not mistake this for promiscuity...indeed a polygamous man with many wives may still have his promiscuous pum pum on the side.

If it's about the level of consciousness interpreting such concepts then polygamy is usually something to be scapegoated and in their attempts at being smart without being clever is used by men to disguise the fact they have semen for brains. It's like women who use being equal to men as an excuse to deny their own promiscuity.

Women did alot of work, dont know where you got that from. I agree with the m an taking care of them bit.

Exactly, theres a culture surrounding polygamy. Not making an excuse for anyone who lacks in focus as it were, still, with all the talk about the problems in our communities I haven't heard anything about the roles involved in our past approach to relationships in particular those cultures who were polygamous as Eq mentioned. Perhaps its because many of the essays, books and so on are written by women who feel intimidated by the thought of it but if we come from such cultures it should be obvious that it will have an effect on us today, 'perhaps' it is the reason many of us prefer to have more than one woman and why there are fatherhood troubles in our communities.

It not being acceptable (or perhaps feasible) in western society is what is leading to the playa mentality where many feel the need to hide and sneak around rather than face the issue, pressured by an imposed western ideology on relationships and what is right and wrong like most of our culture its been belittled into being something ''ghetto'' because of the social pressures we face in these countries.

In my opinion its natural for us men to have more than one woman, not sure it could be more obvious, reinstating it somewhat would resolve a lot of problems. At the moment we're abiding by a christian moral code in regards to marriage and relationships and it doesn't suit us.

Black Lion, I disagree with your view that imposition of western standards is at the root of this playerism.

In various parts of Africa....where "traditional cultures" still exist to a large extent, playerism is rampant. Black country....president is Black.....people speak their original language....practice their original customs..... the same behavior exists...

and part of the reason our people are dropping like flies to HIV on the continent.(and cross the globe for that matter)

Looking at the numbers alone, there are more women than there are men each with the same needs in regards to being a mother, having a child and so on... isn't that a social pressure?

Hardly a part of the continent or wider diaspora that isn't suffering from some form of imposed economic problem, we otherwise come from countries rich in resources and would be able to cater to such problems through proper education and so on. To ask people to stop breeding is what you could call counter productive. Other countries are happy to have a healthy population who are prepared to work for their country and progress, if population becomes an issue people tend to span out and migrate to other countries to work and bring more money in that way, countries in Asia have a problem because of the system of oppression imposed on the people there, India would be a rich country if it wasn't for their caste system... China is doing well because it has a large working force who are becoming middle class.

A large population is a good thing in the right climate, if we can change the climate we would develop at a speed faster than China. As you said we can't talk about our roots and pick and choose what suits us if many of us were polygamous before the Maafa then its something that should be looked into to understand our current issues in regards to relationships, child rearing and so on, at the moment I don't think it is. In practice perhaps it would resolve a lot of issues.

**Treading lightly**

Hope no one is taking offense to this. Not making excuses for anyones commitment problems, its the opposite, polygamy involves marriage and commitment in the same way.