I am new to this forum and I just need a male's opinion on this friend I have..

We met through a mutual friend and we've been cool for about 5 or 6 years. One of the things that I dislike the most about him is that his character can get VERY ugly. If any of his black female friends associate with a non-black guy on a platonic level he gets very aggitated and starts saying negative and nasty things like "I bet you're going to be his wh0re." or "those white guys just use black women for sex." He doesn't like it when his black female friends mention White men in the media who are attractive. None of us are even remotely interested in dating White men, but occassionally will just say somethng like "Brad pitt is good looking" It's not like they are chasing after non-black men, or putting him down because he is not White. Yet, he himself have talked about several non-black women who he has found attractive i.e Kim Kardasian Lastly, he threatens to end our friendship if I ever dated a non-black guy

Our friendship has been off and on, we have gotten into discussions where he has hurled all kinds of demeaning remarks like calling me a "wh0re" and saying "I just want to suck a White man's d1ck" and saying that "i'm jealous that I don't have beautiful hair like a white woman" all because my political views might be similar to a man who happens to be White. Once he got so out of control that I hung up the phone on him, and threatened to end our friendship because of his unnecesary behavior. He is an adult, in his 30s and far too old to act like this.

I really just want to understand why he cares so much about what race of men I date. If I mention a guy that I met, he'll ask if he is black. I just find that so odd because for as long as he has known me I have never been the type to express any genuine interest in non-Black men. I really put off hanging out with him in person alot because he makes me feel uncomfortable and I just don't trust him.

Guys can you help me understand this...is there something more behind his erratic behavior??

There is nothing to understand, your friend has some deep seated issues that HE needs to address proffessionally.. I would QUESTION whether it is a friendship or a co dependant relationship.. There is a difference..a big one!!!

Why do you question if it 's co-dependent?

Lately, I have cut back the amount of time I talk to him a lot. I may speak with him 2 times a month. I used to talk to him a bit more, but I realized that the more time I spend talking with him the more disrespectful he becomes. He used to call often but I would avoid his phone calls. Once, he made such disparging remarks that I stopped talking to him for 8 months. He made the remarks about how White women have more beautiful hair than black women. And that nappyhair is masculine looking on a Black woman. I just cut all contact off from him. But he still tried to contact me but I refused to make myself available. Eventually, I forgave him and tried to look past that. But in the back of my head I always remember those views he has on black women and our hair

madam, may I just say..... any person that has to push another person down, has major issues.... Truth is and as much as it hurts, you will need to get rid of this guy, he is a negative distraction....

To be honest he does sound insecure and very manipulative, he has a hold on you

However I have learnt when people give advice (like myself and others) it always falls on deaf ears until something dramatic takes place...

Ok you obviously forgave him for some personal reason, but be real to your self tell him he has issues and check his response

If black women are uglier than white women to him then why the hell is he so angry and goes crazy at the thought of any black women being with white men or finding them attractive? Not me, that is. I love only black men. Anyway,your friend makes no sense at all. I think he may be mentally ill.

I agree with Menzer. He does act if he has a hold on you. Like he owns you. As if he wants you to be his woman.

Since you two have known each other for such a long time, i am thinking he feels as if your like his sister and he actually has some kind of right to tell you what to do with your life,you need to call him and set him straight and tell him that it doesn't matter if you marry a midget he has no right to talk to you that way.

If he doesn't get that through his head then obviously you need to disassociate yourself from him until he can grow up and respect you.

But i do have a question what race of women does he date?

Probably non-black women. But there are black men out there who are like that. They love dating non-black women, but don't want to see black women dating non-black men.

Truth be told, I have never seen him in a relationship before. Briefly, he was involved with a Black woman but it was a purely sexual relationship--not serious at all. He says that he likes only Black women, but his comments about our hair being unattractive in it's natural state (which I find to be hurtful, I no longer even discuss hair with him anymore), and his fondness for "long silky Black hair" suggests that deep down he probably truly desires non-Black women as well. In fact, he had a crush on this young woman who was of a different race (he has no idea that i know she's not Black) unfortunately, she did not like him the way he liked her.

He likes to needle at black women about our hair. He'll see a White woman on television and start saying how gorgeous her hair is and how long and silky it is. He thinks he is being funny, but I think he is being a total tool. I just don't understand why he uses that as humor. Whether he is being serious or not, I don't like it. If I call him out on it, he'll say that I don't know how to have fun, or being stuck-up and whiny. These are reasons why I don't like hanging out with him in person.

We share some mutual friends, and other black women have fallen out with him over this. So I know it's not just me who finds his behavior unacceptable.
In the end, we'll fall out with him but he'll always come crawling back and acts like nothing ever happened. I'll address this concern with him but he'll accuse me of being "too sensitive" and being "too uptight". For awhile, I thought maybe he was right until I realized that other friends felt the same as I did about his behavior

I think he is very insecure and likes to take it out on black women. It's easier to use us as a scapegoat I guess. He has told me that he can't attract the women he used to when he was younger--he has gained a lot of weight, his hairline is receding, & the guy is only in his early 30s.

Thread closed and 'person' with multiple personalities banned.

Someone either has one hell of an imagination or they're two beer cans short of their six pack.