....why not? You can sleep with these women, have babies for these women, make these women provide you shelter then why is marriage such a biggie, even at the conceptual level. I knew one hypocrite who used to talk about marriage being associated to white people but this was just an excuse to mask his promiscuous lifestyle. Is this what it is really all about, marriage stops you from the freedom of sleeping around...what is it about your woman that makes you share everything apart from the ring...are you just with her for the sake of the children?

Marrry many women my friend and multiply, only in the west has the institution of marriage been desecrated and made a joke of.

But there are africans in the west, mostly muslim who still find ways to live a natural life the way god intended life to be lived, with many women and lots of children.

Here's an interesting article.

Philly's Black Muslims Increasingly Turn to Polygamy : NPR

Taysense - I'm beginning to realise many women seem to see marriage as some kind of dependancy on a man as opposed to an integral part of a structure - as such given independence marriage is now some kind of visual extravaganza designed to enhance a womans public appearance.

I wonder if it's worth asking the women in the village, have you ever asked your long term man or even long term engagee to marry you, what did you make of his excuses for saying no or not yet?

As a woman I am not interested in marriage for the reasons most people have and hold dear to them. If I get married or when...it would be a mutual decision based solely on my partner and myself and not on what society thinks, religion thinks or the ten people down the street thinks.

I believe in marriage but simply because I think its and affirmation or step forward that shows how committed the two people are or wants to be. I can live with my significant other and still give that committement but I guess most people and especially religion needs you to get married just because.

I see women get married to men who they argue with and dont have healthy foundations with. I see men marry women because they only want one baby mother but several vaginas to use so they get married and still sleep around. Go figure!

For what ever the reasoning behind many individual marriages, do not assume all of us are shallow, sykoh or just plain silly. Different cultural upbringing has a lot to do with it too. I was never raised to shack up but here in this country it seems like the normall thing to do. Hey...let them do them and let me do me is all I gots to say!

Karmakazzi - see this is where I have a problem, this association with marriage and commitment is ludicrous, marriage is a cultural right of passage, this commitment stuff relates to life being a journey of fornication with a western fairy tale marriage at the end of it.....if you are lucky.

In the name of unity the commitment thing just doesn't ring with me, why wouldn't someone be committed, especially in a long term relationship? It's stuff like this that really reveals the value system we are in without having to admit it. Thinking like this means we're more associated to heathens, cultured and religious folk don't think this way.

Who is setting these standards, this way of thinking. You can't be thinking consciously, why do you think it's based solely on you and your partner, even more so if you expect everyone else to chip in for the occasion and the celebration. It's like people now get married to create a gift list to fill up their house with stock from Argos or something.

You don't care? Guess that says it all, it's a selfish thing....which I guess is understandable if you've been sold out in the past as opposed to it being naturally intrinsic.

And this I can live with my partner without getting married as a way of saying the significance is till there really does show how narrow and insular the perspective is - which if we are honest we know this is just another one of those excuses people use to front....like marriage is something abstract with no more significance than making a cup of tea or something.

Ok, I'll flip it again, Brothas, how many of you have asked your woman to wed and she said no?

I see women get married to men who they argue with and dont have healthy foundations with

Don't be silly all relationships have ups and downs never smooth sailing been watching too many hollywood flicks..
And stop looking at other people to validate your position or hesistancy...if you feel its right its right if not then you with the wrong person SIMPLE!!...I just cannot stand this position where people use others relationship as a benchmark..for every marriage that goes awry there are tonnes that work out...ur call.... just don't waste your most productive years with the wrong man!!

astmartins - I'm afraid that mentality typifies this whole concept of the relationship being the foundation and not the foundation being the relationship....and why many arguments exist in the first place, because there is no foundation.

From a mans perspective you can give and take, especially if it guarantees some pu$$y but when crunch time comes and crunch decisions have to be made, I find it very difficult to include the mentality of the superficial in making that decision. Very important when building structures.

You wonder sometimes is it a curse to have a thinking brain because being superficial you are not burdened with what eyes of depth can see. As the saying goes, my values are not your values so fears are not my fears. That's another one I made up just by interacting with this village.

Incog do u but for the love of all that is sane DO NOT PRESUME TO JUDGE ME BASED ON YOUR WARPED SENSIBILITIES ON WHAT'S "right" or "wrong". kma WITH THAT BELLIGERENT B.S. BRUV/SIS.

You do you and continue to walk your path but your opinion is one of many...like a grain of sand at the bottom of the ocean...not even relevant or important to me and mine.

So move along and preach. I aint interested hun!

But I'm judging you on your owned warped words so don't try to twist it. Instead of winding you should have just said that in the first place, you don't care and are not really interested in anything other than your own survival.