Posted on Sat, Jul. 12, 2008

BY TAYLOR BARNES
tbarnes@MiamiHerald.com


When Broward County's only certified domestic violence shelter, Women in Distress, opened in 1974, its sole purpose was to offer beds to women. Now, shelter leaders say they see up to 15 men a year who need a safe place from domestic violence.

''Despite our name, we serve both men and women, and increasingly same-sex partners,'' said Mary Riedel, shelter president.

As shown by the shots fired earlier this week at Fort Lauderdale Police Chief Frank Adderley by his wife, men can be the targets of domestic violence, a crime long associated with female victims.

An estimated 5 percent of reported domestic violence victims nationwide are men, said Lt. Sherry Schlueter, who leads the Special Victims and Family Crimes section at the Broward Sheriff's Office -- where serious felony-level cases are handled.

UNKNOWN VICTIMS

But Schlueter said she believes many more males are victims but are ''disinclined'' to report relationship violence in part because of ``the perception of victimization.''

Some of the South Florida numbers back that assertion. From 2003 to 2008, 642 men reported domestic violence to Schlueter's office compared to 1,532 women. In all years, the majority of domestic violence cases against a given gender were from an offender of the opposite sex.

The total number of men reporting domestic violence grew each year from 2003 to 2007, which the office said could be due in part to an expansion of the sheriff's jurisdiction.

The Lodge, a domestic violence shelter with 40 beds in Miami-Dade County, also offers shelter to male victims, said Executive Director Angela Diaz-Vidaillet.

Shelters in Miami-Dade -- Safespace and The Lodge -- have names that do not reflect the gender of the majority of domestic violence victims. Diaz-Vidaillet said that in 2004, when The Lodge was set to open, founders considered calling it ``The Women's Lodge.''

''However, we don't only serve women, so we couldn't possibly give it that name,'' she said.

Of violent crimes in general, Schlueter said, the aggressors are not just men. ``We are seeing a rise in violence perpetrated by females.''

Sherrie Schwab, chief operating officer of Women in Distress, says women are capable of being as violent as men even without a weapon. ''You don't need a gun to be violent. Small women can be very violent,'' she said.

Male victims of domestic violence seek both emergency lodging and outreach services. In the second half of 2007, the most recent period for which statistics are available, 4,020 men statewide used telephone counseling for domestic violence, compared with 52,595 women, according to the Florida Department of Children & Families.

''It was strange for me when I saw my first male victim,'' Schwab said, because the complaints he made sounded just like ones she had heard from women for years. ``It was just verbatim.''

Abuse occurs as frequently in same-sex relationships as heterosexual ones, said Brenda Levine, who directs outreach services for Women in Distress.

Within the past few weeks, the agency coordinated emergency shelter for a man who was ''quite physically abused'' by his male partner, according to Riedel, who did not disclose further details of the case for confidentiality reasons.

SEPARATED

Though men contact Women in Distress, the organization does not house them alongside female victims. About five years ago, Women in Distress started partnering with local hotels and motels to provide rooms for women when they ran out of beds in the main buildings and for men who could not be housed alongside women.

Before the partnership, male victims of domestic violence stayed in Salvation Army facilities or homeless shelters, Riedel said.

Schwab said the shelter at Women in Distress is nearly always full. ''Given where we live, it can be hard at times to get a free hotel room,'' she said, adding that demand for emergency housing is greater than their supply.

``We can't meet the needs of our community.''

I really do feel for any victim of abuse. Men have it very tough as many in society don't take it seriously but if a women throws a swtiched on iron at your head or attacks you with a knifewhile you're asleep because you came home 10 minutes late (which a male aquaintance of mine actually suffered) its not funny and it hurts just the same as if a man were to do it to a woman.

didn't he knock her out??? the only thing stopping most women in abusive situations from retaliating is lack of physical strength and fear of more severe abuse. if you are a man and are bigger and stronger, you dont really have that as a reason. if someone is attacking you it is only instinctive to attempt to defend yourself and if you are physically able to do so, you should. i dont have as much sympathy for most male victims of domestic abuse for this very reason. you want not want to hit a woman ordinarily but if a woman is coming at you with a knife or hot iron, you gotta do what you gotta do.

its a shame some are in relationships where their partners want to do them a serious injury. I would like to know why any woman would want to throw a hot iron at a man when he is sleeping????/



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Funny story but true unfortunately...

my cousin Lee Ester Williams and wife lived in Dallas for years. Lee is my grandmothers brothers son.

At a family get together one year about 20 yrs ago Lee was telling us about his limp. He told us how he used to drink and come home and beat his wife for years. She put up with it for many years till one time he come home drunk and when she asked him where he been he beat her and made her cook him some fish.

He said that after she reluctantly put the grease on he went in to lie down and wait for the fish to get done.

He said that all of a sudden he felt warm and flush and raised up in the bed. He sees his wife standing in door with the skillet with a strange look on her face. He started to get up and noticed the sheets were wet and his feet felt funny. When he tried to stand he fell down.

His wife had reached her point of no more toleration for abuse. She had taken the grease after it had heated up and poured it all over his feet.

Lee said that it took him at least 5 years and many operations to get back on his feet. He now treats this same woman like the queen she is. never raised his voice again let alone his hand against her since the grease incident..

It would seem that some women do have their limits, but its a shame that it has to come to reverse violence before some men decide to change their ways. There are of course intergenerational issues to consider here too;especially if children and other family members are involved. Does violence in the family create violent children, and does it explain the violence observed in black communities today?

Vern


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