Hello All,

I am very happy to have found this forum and hope that there can be some informative, civil and frank dialogue on the topic "Why do Nigerian women dislike thier Nigerian brothers marrying African American women or foreigners?"

I want to know, why does it seem like continental African women and African American women can't seem to get along?

I don't know if I'm being hyper sensitive or crazy or what, but it just seems to me that there is a subtext of animosity betweenAfrican Americanwomenand African(Nigerian) women. I would really like to know why. ?

Why is it that they seem hesitant to speak if we pass each other on the street or they just act like they dont see me?

Why is it that in the braiding salon, they won't say hello but skip right to "what do you want today?" and then chatter along in their Yoruba or Ibwo language with each other rarely trying to bridge the gap between themselves and their English speaking clients?

Why is does it seem so hard to meet and befriend continental African women? Why is it that when African-American women date or marry African men, the continental sisters often treat them badly? Why don't we talk?

I ask these questions as one who can see much from both sides of the 'line' as it were but who doesn't understand this phenomenon. Further, I don't seem to notice the same type of animosity between African American women and Caribbean women-which makes me wonder if there is something about our (continental African vs African American) experiences that forces us separate.

Case in point-recently, I went to a get together at someone's house with my husband who happens to be Nigerian (yoruba). Everyone else at this gathering was Nigerian as well and I only knew one person there. Myhusband and I entered, he introduced me to several of the people there, then did his mingling thing. We were there for at least4 hours and of about40 people, only ONE woman even acknowledged my presence by saying hello and asking me where I was from. Most would come and greet my husband, speaking only to him in yoruba. While thevery fewhe knew, would just ask in English, How is his ex-wife? that he divorced years ago? (whom is another Nigerian woman) (In any mans language to say the least they were rude).

My husband is a DJ, and most of his clientele are Nigerians and Ghanaians. It is always the same scenario all the time. I have tried to mingle at these parties, and it is the identical thing over and over again with my continental African sisters (Nigerian/Ghanaian) sisters. Why? Then men are always very pleasant, but out of respect I limit my interaction with the men. I'm aware of the attire; I'm always neat and modest in my dress. I greet everyone with a smile. But I just can't figure it out.

Another example: My husbands aunt came to visit us from Nigeria. She is a well traveled and well versed woman, that uderstands english and speaks english fluently. She and I talk English thru out her visit. When my husband comes home from work;they speak in thier own language through out, igoring the fact I'm still in thier presence. Mind you when my family comes, I speak to my family(grandmother) in English, because my husband does not understand Spanish. My grandmother like his aunt speaks english as well. So I ask....Is it not rude to speak in your own langauge, when your capable of speaking English; around people that speak english? That is the equivalent of one whispering in front of guests.


Does anyone have any insight on this? I am tired of excuses and I think the only way things will change is if we dialogue so...the floor is open.

Looking forward to your honest responses.

Deja

LOL!OK Deja I have lots of insights for you but I have to leave so when I get back....

...in the meantime chew on this: you are wife #2...wife #1 was a Nigerian woman....where do you honestly think the allegiance of the ex-couples' Nigerians friends will be? (And God help you if you were the reason that wife #1 was usurped!)

anyway, I think the African vs African American thingy is more you and your circumstances thananything else. Although I do agree that Caribean women and African womenhave more in common than African American women and African women.

Will be back with more!

well then I can turn around and say why do African Americans hate me cause I am muslim:?since America declared war on muslims!

Doesn't Make sense

Are you sure you are not just had bad luck with the few African woman!

BUT

BUT I will probably get shot for this

Is your experience just with Nigerain women or all African women in general?

The reason why asked is that I find

Ghanian people laid back and softly spoken!

Zenyan and Zimbabwea people are full of life and always smiling!

Niger people tooo damn serious! (my people)

Nigerian people are very vibrant but tend to be pompus

Now I have few Nigerian friends and at the beginining I thought they were rude ie demand things without saying please , but after friendship developed they are the most fierce loyal and damn niciest friends I have.

Now I am not implying everyone fits in this catogry, but maybe you are misinterpreting culture traits the wrong way.

I have found that also to be true that some (not all) African women do seem to have some sort of animosty towards american black women. In all honesty I don't know why . It may have to do with the fact that to some of them may view us as not Africans (although we are) Maybe some think better of themselves because they know their direct ancestory and we don't. Think about the diffrence between someone who is Jewish and other whites. Jewish people are white however, but they are looked down apon by other whites because the were also slaves and also killed. Some Africans look at us the same way other racist people see us, and that makes some think they are better. Don't think I'm talking about all Africans I have met some nice ones who speak and are very kind. But, there are those who would rather chew off their own foot than speak.

Happiness

1st - No I was not the reason for their divorce, in fact I came met my husband 5 years after their marriage succumbed. If it were the other way around, I could understand the reason for the blatant rudeness and by no means do I expect for the select few friends of the X-wife to be my friend. But I did expect for them to possess a thing called "TACT" in which they were deficient in. Cordiality goes along way.

2nd - I gave at least 3 separate examples- all separate. I have spoken with quite a few other American women who feel the same way; and havebeen in a relationshipwith or married into this sort of arrangement. I guess I was under the guise that we are all black women, so why would there be a problem marrying into another culture. Hell, it worked for my parents one of which is not an American. But I learned there is a difference. Nor do I believe because we share the same skin color we will automatically love another. It sounds wonderful but not the REAL WORLD.

Last but not LEAST... I said, there seems to be no problem with African American Women and our sisters from the Caribbean. I posed the question: Why is it with Continental African Women(Nigerian) and African American Women that there seems to be a problem? I made a broad statement to get a measureless response. I don't mean to stereotype any one nationality.

This is not only my experience, I alone encountered; in fact this topic was one on a nationally syndicated radio station here in the USin whichthey spent almost 3 days with many callers talking about this subject. I'm interested is it the same in the UK?

How can we ever get ahead, if we are like crabs in a pot holding one another down?

a bit off topic ....but at my uni i see FAR more Nigerian girls dating white mencompared to African Caribbean girls...why is this??

See the thing is @Happiness that people love to look and complain about negatives and all in all dismiss the positive. Why?? Because the -ve has had more of an affect on that person. Why?? Because those people need other people to be kind and nice to them. Why?? confused3Beats me.

Then they say its because of this and that, did u ask them...or is that your personal opinion. Its an unwritten law that says because u are black another black has to be nice to you... and if they are not then it must be for this and that reason...looking down on us... (maybe some do...)

How do u know that person wasn't in a bad mood when they met u on that day and how do u know that u yes u yourself never rubbed the other people the wrong way by your mannerisms...supposing they are talking to their compatriots sayingbecause oftheir experience with you "American this and that..." but of course "some" Americans are kind andthey also havemet some nice ones...

Please let me apologize, I have met very nice African men and women. I married into their family. I love my mother in law, and she is muslim/Nigerian and welcomed me with opened arms. (However her son is not Muslim but of christian faith)Not to mention, I have friends from Nigeria, Cameroon and Somalia and South Africa, most attend my same congregation or by work.I have also posed the question to them as well, to understand why the division.Like I said I feel we are all one. And as far as taking a sister under my wing.... please.... you would have to know me; to know thats an understatement when it comes to me. My family is very diverse, and it's my love of people what brings me to this dialogue. The USA is a melting pot made up of everyone.But I'm one of the few, that believe we are brothers and sisters, and we have enough battles to conquer without making us divided by nationality.

@Deja

Then answer Hapiness' question if you have met many Africans that are kind and nice...why do u concentrate on the negative ones...? Why not makethose +vepeoplethe expression of your experience...?Seems a bit strange...