Some reasons why the US divorce rates are sooo high

cyclops · (#1 (**permalink**))

As Judge Mablean Ephriam of Divorce Court says, "Look deep before you leap".

I've come across many married couples, friends, associates who complain, separate and end up in divorce. I've heard many problems. Don't get me wrong, there is always risk when deciding to get married to a partner. However, much risk can be minimized or eliminated altogether if one really wants to protect himself or herself from drama, lots of headache, broken families, etc... By becoming aware of some if not all the following: -(Oh by the way, I'm formerly wolverine) I had to change to a new username).

Many get heart broken because of a partners hidden past that comes to light. Make sure you know your partner, not just in the bedroom and for a good time. Read between the lines before you say "I do". By doing so, you would prevent unwelcome circumstances and sticky situations that may arise 1,2, or maybe 5 years down into the marriage.

Finances - This is one of the biggest downfalls that can ruin a marriage in a heartbeat. First of all, marriage should not be a competition/ego thing about I make more than you etc... Do not down each other about who makes what. That is immature. Recognize each other's talents and financial capabilities and work together a good budget, savings plan, and investment strategy by which the two of you understand. Also, many marriages fail because a spouse loses a job and the other spouse nags because of this. Don't nag, support, support, and help. Now if the spouse is not seeking a job and just laying around the house, that is a different story. You can really judge the character of a spouse or friend not in times of delightful events, but in times of adversity and tragedy. That's when you know the real character of your spouse.

Sex problems- Yes, sex problems kill marriages also. Let me explain, this is not the time to bash your spouse or make fun. When you do this, it makes it worse. Help, support, talk it out, let the spouse know that you can overcome this and you will be amazed at the instant results. To many times when a spouse has a certain sexual problem the other criticizes and even stops having sex. What does that solve? I can tell you NOTHING. IT ONLY MAKES MATTERS WORSE.

Lies - Need I say more. There are some couples or one of the spouses that lie so often that the lies become truths. If you have decided to marry, your spouse should be the ONE person you should be able to trust. And make no mistake about this, IF YOU love your spouse, YOU WILL NOT LIE - EVEN IF IT HURTS!!! Just tell the truth, plain and simple.

Role reversal - Yes I said role reversal. I'm not being biased here, just speaking facts. This is not the early 1900s or the 50s-70s. There are more women working (not too many housewives anymore) and some women are making more money than there husbands. This becomes a problem when women get cocky with an independent attitude with her husband just because she makes more than he does. Women, men are not afraid of the fact that you are working and or if you make more than he does. What men do not like is when you throw it up in there face and try to make him seem inferior to you. Remember he is still a man, and the man of the house. Give him that respect no matter if you are making six figures. He is supposed to feel like he can come home to a compassionate woman who is tender- NOT A BEEHIVE as soon as he steps into the door.

Health - Health issues can ruin a marriage also. Remember when you and your girlfriend first dated. Both of you are in relatively good shape, she's petite to average, he has a nice build etc... However, you noticed after 5 years of marriage that one of you picks up 30-50 lbs and is looking fat, or one of you develops and illness that the other can't quite grasp and or more... Remember for better or worse, in sickness and in health? Many do not live up to vows, especially this one. I ask, that if you are not married, ask yourself that vow question with the person you are dating and really be honest with yourself? Can you really see yourself with this person no matter what health problem arises. And if you are married, just remember "I do" on your wedding day.

Raising the children - Many couples make them, but don't talk about raising them before theyproduce them. Many couples have different views of raising kids that may conflict with each others' values and beliefs. This could cause a strain on the marriage and put a mental strain on the children.

Family - If you are not married yet, do the research. This could save you lots of trouble in the future. Do he/she gets along with their parents if they are living? How well do they get along with their siblings and other family members. Does the family get along period? Is there drama all the time? Is the family stable and produce a loving environment? These are just a few. Lots of times a spouse will always do chores for a family member or members and neglect his/her own family. Be watchful of these clues. There are also family members that like to stay in your business and create drama. Don't let this bring you and your spouse down.

Female friends - Yes I said it. No one knows your situation objectively and honestly than you and your husband. Why seek ill-advised advise from a so called friend when she may be the one eying your husband? Of course she's going to say it's his fault. Do you know how many of these so-called female friendswives are asking advice from have slept with the husbands? The statistics will alarm you. Remember, there are two sides to every story. When a wife and husband have a problem, you should talk about it with him, maybe your mother that depends, but that's it. There are many women who change a wive's mentality towards her husband and it backfires. Then what? So much for her advice right? It happens all the time. So called female friend's advice has brought a lot of couples to divorce.

Abuse - Any abuse from any spouse is wrong, period. When it starts, sorry, sorry, sorry, doesn't cut the mustard. If one is sorry, they will not let it happen again, no matter what type of abuse it is. Enough said.

Cheating - Need I say more? If one cheats, he/she will have to live with the guilt. And many times than not, the truth will come to the light. Then what? If the advice listed above are being met, it would erase the slightest thought of a spouse cheating.

Unconditional love - Do you REALLY love your spouse unconditionally? If you are not married, can you ask yourself that question to your mate in regards to marriage and be honest with it? If you can't say to yourself, you love the person unconditionally in regards to marriage, do yourself a favor, DON'T GET MARRIED.

Marrying for the wrong reasons - Women marry guys because they have a big dick or some guys marry a woman because she has great skills in the bed, or for tangible assets. Don't get me wrong, those are good qualities, but those qualities don't pay the bills, raise a good family, provide a happy family environment, good credit, put a roof over your head and food on the table. How many good looking entertainers are lonely and miserable? How many big time athletes end up divorced? How many couples who make a lot of money are miserable together? You see, just because you have great stuff, doesn't equate to a happy marriage. You must look deep into a person's heart and demeanor. Again, look deep before you leap.

Last but not least - Can a spouse handle the truth? There is a difference between a healthy argument than a stupid one. Arguments or disagreements will happen from time to time. If you cannot talk things out respectfully and admit fault if you are wrong instead of worrying about your ego, YOU WILL NOT SOLVE A THING. WHAT YOU WILL HAVE INSTEAD IS AN UNHEALTHY AND POSSIBLY VERBAL ABUSE ARGUMENT.

That's all for now.... blkscholar