What is/are the most common mistake/s you have made in previous relationships, and what have you done about it/them..?

• You have been too possessive
• Lacked trust
• Lacked confidence
• Was too independent
• Too needy
• Too demanding
• Not assertive enough
• Had a bad attitude
• Bad judgment
• Bad timing
• Your dishonesty

Excuse the double post

I would say that my mistake was dating my ex. in the first place. Now there's two people who just should have stayed far, far away from each other. As friends, we weren't so bad, but he was too possessive and I liked my freedom a little too much.

The solution? We broke up. Sometimes you just can't fix these things. A personality can be a very difficult thing to change so at times your best bet is to just admit to defeat and move on.

As a young woman:

1) not understanding my own worth

2) mistaking a man's lust/infatuation with true feelings for me

3) unrealistic expectations of myself and ex-bfs

Thankfully, time has taught me patience, confidence and given me my voice... it finally paid off.

oops wrong forum...

Thx Ef Max for this one...

As it is there are few responses yet. Why I couldn't say. Maybe the subject is old hat, but then maybe a lot of ladies won't admit that they're just as good at ruining their relationships as men are. I put that one way becausethe general standard is thatits already a given that men are...whatever and ever. But the 'sugar and spice' myth tends to prevaileven in the face of the most obviously terrible b**chery, the disclosure of such truth closely guardedin circles of mutual femmedom.

These are within the top 10 reasons otherwise good relationships go to hell, andall for want of "just trying to get along" are these relationships destroyed, largelyas a result of the introduction of acquired elements or an attempt to meet ormatch thereby, some notion, model, ideal, ad nauseam that isbased more in the transient drama of falsisity than in the reality of one's individuality, culture or genuine means.

Some have and have had the best they would get, and settled for far far worse because failed to meet the fleeting standards of some silly ethereality.

Yes as lovable as you allmay be, a vast percentage ofyou are out of your damned minds...relationshippingcan bean intolerably tortuous experience, where even the best beausbecomebeasts, just trying to get along...

I think that i have learnt now. not so much from my mistakes. but a combination of theirs and how i took them. i'm still young but i was more naive in those relationships in that i didn't undertsand my own worth. i shoulden't be with a guy who is not sure if they want to be with me one second and then he does, or one that doesen't keep in touch properly, to show he is into you.

i lacked confidence and lowered my standards and accepted rubbish.

i totally blame myself for my last relationship. if i had fully embraced myself then i wouldn't have compromised myself and i would have found someone who stimulated me mentally and challenged me mentally instead of someone who wasn't deserving of me.

i guess i learnt alot and next time around i'll listen to my inner voice and retain my standards and ill have a man who completes and ellivates me and shares some of my passions.

But really as women, i think sometimes we compromise a lot and lower our standards in terms of meeting someone that loves u, appreciates and accepts u for who u are. I think its because we sometimes find it hard to let go of whatever it is we think we have. But one thing we have to keep in mind is that we are much better and we deserve better and the best way to have that in mind is for us to love ourselves first before we can ever meet someone that would feel that way about us, if not its just going to be a vicious circle of bad relationships.

i think what also happened to me was that i rushed in and threw away all my criterias because i felt that maybe i would never find my black man, after all i had gone all these years and never entered a relationship, so i compromised ALOT.

i think it is about not compromising your interests and goals because i like to think of myself as concious ok maybe afrocentric but he was totally opposite and had been so programmed by western ideologies that it was hard to hold a conversation that would mentally stimulate me or ellivate me to another level all because i settled for less than is appropriate for me.

i now retain my standards that my father has allowed me to set and basically a man has got to be up to my dads level or beyound and most definately has to be intellectually stimulating and captivating.

Lack of trust is a big one for me. I am a self confessed paranoid hyperchondriac.

not a good look.

One ex im particular milked these dis oreders for all there worth..i have to laugh now but the bother nearly drove me insane..i give him props for creativity though.

The main mistake i made with him was i though i could take my oown sweet time to get to know him.. e.g.. wherehe lives , his mamma name what she do etc

butinstead blabbed my business cos i thought i was soooooooo intresing to know.

did i get a wake up call, when i was ready to ask the RIGHT questions , he was busy making up fantasy's to wind me up, like he was saying.."too late now hun"

now i know to ask back what is asked of me. In every sense of the word *coughcough* I ve learned to love myself first and man come 3rd , 4th and 5th in my list of priotys.blkscholar

This thread has given me something to think about because in my past relationships, I have never felt I had done anything wrong. I'm not a dishonest person, quite trusting IF you earn it. 90% of the time it is me that tends to end the relationship because I feel the brother wasn't ready for what I had to offer.

Will be on my guard for the reasons outlined just incase though....

Double N wrote:
90% of the time you ended it?

how did you know he could nt handle what you had to offer?

what was you holding back prior to the break?

do you only give a certian amount of yourself but keep the rest ? are you saving the "rest" for that special someone? if so i HEAR YA