I can't tell you how many times I've heard sistas saying their ideal man has to come close to looking like Denzel Washington. Far enough we want a hunk or a least a guy who is cute, but are we being too fussy? There are a lot of us who are single, including myself, but maybe if we weren't looking for someone that resembled Denzel, Tyson Beckford, John Legend or Tyrese, we'd have someone keeping us warm each night. I myself have decided to start giving guys more of a chance even if they are not my type in the looks department. Do you think you could fall in love with someone you may have orginally written off as butt ugly?

And another point - would you ever go out with a guy who was less successful than you, say a street cleaner even if he looked like Will Smith? Do you find that you date guys who are earning more than you or close to your salary?


Bless,

Monique x

Monique: first welcome to BNV...if you're a newbie, if you're a returneee under a different welcome back anyway...

This is such a good question..i hope yoyu don't mind if i chip in as a man, to respond to the 'good looks' bit... I have to say that whilst i was never one for looking for the perfect type man... I know from experience looks do matter.. I once experiemented and decided to look past that bit... But i found that it did matter more than i expected about the looks.. I was alway concious of what people thought and their responses.. I even found myself making the excuses before they even saw her...

Funnily enough it matter more what my friends thought, because in the back of my mind I kept thinking they would think i was desparate or something.. or that i'd settled for second best....yea i know it sounds harsh.. but its how i felt..

I also think that I remember seeing a Black man in Brixton, with a white woman..who looked terrible, i mean terrible... it was one of those couples where you ask why? and then HOW? I know he felt shame and concious being with her and I thought less of him period..

so I would say looks does matter to a point...some people can transend look with force of personality..but thats rare...

i think we've ALL seen that black man in brixton/ tottenham/ harlsden/ kfc/ the 'club'/ afro hair and beauty show/ black comedy house/ family wedding shall i go on....with the bustdown white woman and you think .....why? and secretly you done know he be thinking "to be honest, i don't even know why either" LOL i have given up wondering lol
yes Kunjufu looks matter LOL

Looks matter to me to a certain degree. I want a man that will take care of himself as I do myself. I'm not talking about if you lost the genetic jackpot when it comes to features, but more-so how you care for yourself, your body, teeth etc, you know, things that can be helped. You could be FAH but let me catch some of that BO and I will never look at you again.

As for the job, the man just needs to be working. I don't really care what he does as long as he is either fulfilling a dream or doing what needs to be done to pay the rent/mortgage, and sustain at least himself. I want a guy that ALWAYS has a job, and does everything it takes to find a new one if something should happen with the one he has. That's very important to me. There is no excuse for a grown ass man to not have a job unless he is physically disabled or retired.

There are a lot of us who are single, including myself, but maybe if we weren't looking for someone that resembled Denzel, Tyson Beckford, John Legend or Tyrese, we'd have someone keeping us warm each night.

I'm going to be very honest and frank here this is the death knell of the relationship between a average black woman and man born in the diaspora...the women expect too much too soon without the input...it espouses itself in ours more than any other culture i have observed..come to think of it if the chap is good looking and makes just a bit of money and has no car thats it no chance....
Personally speaking back then when man finished Uni and was struggling for that lucrative job or maybe change career paths completely sistas wouldn't check your azz of course i had no car and wasn't a big earner just a young dude getting by...now how this has affected some black men when they came into money is another thing...it really messes with the brothas mind as to we are of the same culture you should be my soul mate why can't you believe in my dream???
Sistas really got to cut this out and start supporting the brotha am talking about the grafters the hardworking ones who believes in preserving the black family and culture....if not black women who date black men exclusively would be left with the scraps whilst the others help themselves to a healthy steak....
Wasn't trying to steer the debate into a different direction but some reality had to be injected....now back to the thread

well the guy I am dating is very good looking, a bit dim, but then who cares ! as long as he looks good and makes me laugh ...........now with money , well come on this is Sooofresh..........I have got my future career to rely on for that.

Would I have a problem if a guy earns less than me?......not really, I have got money, its no biggies, I like good looks and sense of humour.........see simple analysis.

this is a good point and women should take heed. but in my experience i wish men would also take heed, cos to many start laying physical demands down on the table as to wat a women should look like when they themselves are usually severely lacking in the good looks department. I have a couple of male friends who are seriously DELUDED about how could looking they think they are, infact they think they are fine and wouldn't even class them as average!
so everybody should be realistic and have a good look at themselves before they start making demands
and BTW the majority of posters who have replied so far are basically saying they aren't too fussed about looks and earnings so men don't get it twisted and lets postpone the macho anti woman tirade for another thread ay!

As long as the man is ministering to my heart then I will engage with him. But I tink every one wants to be attracted to their partner...dont they. Beauty is only skin deep and it's also in the eyes of the beholder... At this stage in my life... my friends can take a running jump if the dont find my partner attractive... good.

As for his job, so long as he has some spark of passion, ambition and drive, and most importantly believes in himself. I make my own money.