All forms of gossip are acts of disrespect to those that you are talking about, no matter how funny you think the conversation is.

If women spent as much time talking to their men/partners as they did talking to their girl friends, the whole art of communication would take on a new meaning.

When are women going to drop this bo11ocks about men don't talk and start talking to them, because when there is a problem in your relationship and the problem is your man, he should be the first person you talk to about it, not the last.

Chillax!!
.... Sometimes a person just needs a sound board , eg a friend to talk with especially when a hard issue.

Not saying its right
Not saying its wrong

But sometimes it has to be done

if this based on a situation YOU are facing in real life, maybe you should take your own advice and stop talking about it on forums and talk to the woman this is inspired by instead?
lead by example and all...

My babymamma didn't initiate a single conversation in 7 seven years but then she didn't keep no whole heap a woman friend either. Her social circle was really work which naturally meant greys and gays. In fact it's only having the insurance of her babylons marriage license did she get a bit brave and showd another side other to the plank of wood I had to endure for so long. Think people call it being intimidated which is just a reflection of a lack of comparative depth.

You need a woman who grew up with a bag of brothers or has passed through a bag of man to feel comfortable talking about what makes their relationship special, or not as the case maybe as opposed to them gossiping with the other women who for the most part probably wished they all had it as good as her

But yeah, if it's an insecurity thing or a social conditioning issue then this affects women and men. When I went to NYC to hang out with my bredrin and his crew, one of them went as far to say I was making him feel uncomfortable by not drinking and joining in with all the woman, sex and pu$$y talk - man I would have to be drunk to join in with half of that sh!t. But then in many ways I was just too serious about life and simply didn't know when to let go of all the seriousness and 'enjoy' myself. Even when it comes to women, more than one have told me I need to stop looking for a wife and enjoy a girlfriend or two.

But better believe it, you might think you know your woman until you hear her amongst a group of girls. I went on holiday with my babymother once and boy could she chinwag. I remember on one coach trip I had to look up wondering who is this yapping grey costing me sleep, and yep, it was the wife, going into it with some bluefoot lol.

When somebody can't be themself around you why the hell do they hang about. Probably expecting you to drop to their Eastenders level of thinking. I've heard many people call this escapism, escaping from what I ask.

Gossip is dangerous whoever is doing it but what makes it worse is when you are doing it amongst people who thrive on it. That's how people get caught up in it.

You know that men and women communicate differently and often say the same things but have different meanings e.g if a women says "men don't talk" the word should be "discuss". If men say we don't listen it's probably because we're still discussing lol rather than listening to a statement or solution that you may have said or put forward. The flows are mismatched sometimes that's all.

So when things don't work out in the interraction or usually in a relationship, and you go outside to the wrong people to disuss it they are likely to encourage you to think badly about not just your partner but about the whole sex. Word of mouth best form of advertising!

Where as I understand that women talk and I fully appreciate that it is good to have outside interests and another opinion, my experience as a relationship psychologist suggests that there is more to it than meets the eye.

Women's talk is fine, but it is rare that I see it ever leading to anything productive relationship wise, except where the man is violent or similar and in which case the advice to run a mile is often greatly appreciated.

The point I was trying to make, is I meet so many couples, where a woman will run to her girlfriends first. Now that might be all well and good if the girlfriend has some valid experiences, but if she is on a "all men are bast@rds" wave, the information coming back can be less than helpful.

I was also trying to point out that men can and do talk and so many relationship breakdowns that I see are down to very poor communication skills on both sides..

As I am constantly doing research into this area, I am always looking for new input and also other opinions and this just happens to be one of those areas that I feel would help both parties, if only they would talk to each other first about what they feel and not what their mates feel.

Given that so many women will admit to the fact, that they do not understand men, why should talking to someone else who doesn’t understand them either, help your situation; surely that is like me asking the bank manager what is wrong with my car.

C'mon ladies.. share your conversation with the person that matters, because if you did and did it honestly (without the bull$hit behind being loyal to your mates) then the advice you gave your girlfriends would be not only more productive, but would put me out of a job..

It’s well known that Woman/girls chat shit 24/7 so what's new?

Ask them to stop? That’s like asking a heroin addict to put away the needle.

can level with Melissa here, because when mine was 'done' as far as I was concerened there was nothing to talk about because the differences were at the fundamental level. Saying that, I wouldn't have said it was final only that it wasn't going any further while my childrens virtue (marriage license was being used for babylons security...and it's still being used so there's still nothing to talk about.

And even now, I've seen my girl for what she, is, damage has been done, sellout business set in stone, new wife on the scene et all. But if we leave out the extemes there is definitely a cxase to be answered for gossip and the eastenders mentality in general. Only where a mans desire for sex exceeds his desire for females at the cerebral level do I find this subject to be irrelevant.

For the most part women are all about defending their face and how they look in person and reputation. Remember, you're not supposed to ask a woman certain things...yeah why the hell not, just think of theat concept and the root behind it. My only surprise is the reality that this phrase was coined as part of the discovery of what a woman is all about as opposed to some cosmetic gesture of humour or something.

There are women all over the world responsible for men ending up in prison, in mental institutions, financially ruined or even dead yet we're all supposed to look at women as the innocent party in all of this. The gossiping is simply to maintain this falsehood. Yes within context the same argument can be applied to men so other than that, having periods might have something to do with it.

The sda thing with my babymamma, for all her running mouth she wasn't defending frig all. Babylons security and nothing else trying to hustle her way to a degree of security thinking I'm a right idiot. Believe me, nobody don't trust a woman more than me, I gave one the benefit of the doubt and all it done was prove the rule as opposed to the exception.

Engineer - ok, I introduced this gigolo to the 21st century (computers and the internet et all) and he'd come on here parading as an African militant and he was probably the biggest hypocrite around. Now me and him caught up in an argument about the virtue of children born in wedlock, and whether he, as an African militant, recognised this even at the conceptual level if not at the practical. In the end he ran off to Ligali without ever answering the question...and this is as an African militant remember.

After years of spewing his hypocrisy he had to run and seek comfort in the safety in numbers crowd by buying out all those black people who professed to be non-African. Likewise when the babymamma fell short the people she bought out were those she herself claimed were jealous of me, the African militant included. When it comes to saving face men are just as bad. In fact one of the first brothas to hear me out has been through so much drama himself that he had to hear me out and couldn't believe how so many people jumped on the wagon going by the words of the one thing deep down they all hate, an African.

I heard he showed them internet links to back up his story, yeah bet you he couldn't show them the real links. One of my friends said you can just imagine the whole of dem getting together and chatting....but none of them could come and chat to be cos none of them aint defending what I am defending, a bit like these forums, all grey boys, pu$$ysuckers and abortionists can't deal with rastaman's chant

Women are known to be two faced. Even the dating game, most have a courting face then give them some security their real face comes to the fore. I know men been womanising since god knows when, the women know this, would fight each other over this and these men will be the first to say woman gossiping is normal, nothing to be questioned, it is what it is, tell them what they want to hear and they'll accept it even if they know it's a lie, as long as they hear it...most will simply hide behind their makeup.

i agree that if you're having problems in your relationship- the one to talk to about them is your man. sometimes its hard for a friend of yours to be objective when they are on the outside looking in and only hears your version.

Its funny really, cos what spearked this thread has now come full circle.. I was silently bitc#ing about my most recent past and the fact that due to gossip with the girls, I got a seriously bad deal even though I had done nothing (in my eyes) wrong.

Anyway the woman in question got put straight by her own 6yr old daughter, who basically called her mummy a fool.. well mummy stood back and realised that not only was she wrong to treat me the way that she did (basically screwed the relationship up but also pi$$ the friendship up against the wall) but she was also wrong to allow her girlfriends to have been given such a misleading picture of myself..

Well said lady has stood up, not only put her hands up allround, but too my face come clean and said sorry.. and a sincere sorry at that.. to this I appreciate..

Maybe she read this thread, maybe not, but the point is, if she had communicated with me in the first place, then these matters would have never have escalated to this level.

When I first posted, I was seriously miffed at the fact that I could be placed in the wrong, not given any opportunity to defend myself and then basically lied about to all her mates.. and why just because she wanted to save face and not deal with her end of things..

I don't do forgive and forget cos my attitude is don't do it in the first place; but I can forgive I just won't forget and to this end (and she knows who she is), I thoughly appreciated that you eventually understood my needs for honest communication and the fact that sometimes when you talk to your friends first - 2+2 = 5..