..through the eyes of a woman - go for it girls

Ok then, I'll start...are single mums raising weak men?

Now how typical is this?

I recall a disturbing encounter I had in the summer that left me feeling rather ill.

Out of work I come and as usual I find myself rummaging frantically deep into the depths of my little shoulder bag for my tobacco.

I cross the dusty street of my sea-side town, mingling through children with ice creams, dripping all down their hands and their parents with their pasties………..wot should I cook up for tea tonite? Wot should I wear out later? I think to myself as I wonder up the road, lighting up my rolly in my normal day-dream-state.

Then from out of no where I hear……….”HI”…OH.

Its mid afternoon and “HI” has come to meet me from work: to walk me to my house.

Two words. Piss Off. I’m quite capable of walking home from work ON MY OWN- in the middle of a hot summers day. In fact- (not that “HI” would have even considered this) I like walking home on my own!

“I thought I’d come and meet you,” he said. (& Without making reference to every bloke that meets his girlfriend from work, in fact, he’s actually saying…) “ I’ve been doing nothing all day except mopping around listening to Sepultura and feeling sorry for myself. I can’t do anything as I think I’m in love with you after one day, so please please can we start planning the wedding as…………oh shit dude I’m nearly 30 and unmarried! No kids! MY WIFE HUNT MUST END!

I’m good at two words. PISS OFF.

How did I get tangled up with such a cheesy old bugger (as me best mate would describe him!) I hear you ask.

Well, “HI” (who shall remain anonymous) was ok I spose in the beginning.

It’s my own fault really and I do continually ask how I get my self into such scrapes.

After consuming two bottles of wine me and me grrl in crime, dived into the Surfers Against Sewage Ball, - full Rio-Carniball style. We proceeded to consume several tickets worth of free Tequila as we have discovered that Tequila grrls have even more fun than Lambrini grrls do!

I need say no more. By the early hours of the morning, there being no sign of my grrl, I collapsed in a corner in a bed of plastic pint glasses and wet feathers. With conversation from a half empty bottle of wine and “HI”.

A couple of days later we took a walk along the beach, and talked about Pearl Jam and life and stuff, which was all right.

He asked if he could see me again and I thought ok, he’s a ‘nice guy’ (just what I needed apparently after “that last wanker”)…someone nice and safe…who turned out to be (get ya bucket ready)

Clingy, paranoid, and WEAK and still in need of his mother (or a wife preferably)

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh my skin is crawling, crawling with hundreds and hundreds of cockroaches like that scene in The Craft!

I NEED A BUCKET!!!!

But to conclude this sad tale of sickness…

Everyone has shit, but if u don’t make yourself deal with issues, no one else is gonna pick you up out of your pool of self-pity. I’ve been people’s emotional punch bag before and I’m sorry, but I’m not letting it happen again. I’m not cruel and heartless, but after only 1week I don’t need “HI” sat on the sofa crying and saying how ****ed up his life is.

AND I don’t need my shopping done for me, or my washing, or to be put up on a pedistool of any sort. I HATE WEAK MEN.

Wot I like is a guy who leaves you buzzing and jumping around your now trashed bedroom.

Weakness is my sickness, so I got rid of him and carried on living my own mad, independent life. Shit happens they say and I found myself a

bad boy who was wicked (in the good sense of the word) who bursting with positivity and life, and was compassionate without being suffocating and weak.

So the moral of today’s story is be warned of Mr Nice guy

(Unless you are 19 and just dying to get that ring on ya finger!! and start cooking him nice little dinners!!)

Get yourself a Bad boy. That’s what I did. But that’s another story………….

I think in some cases, yes, single mums are raising weak kids, but so are families. Theres too much of this psycho babble rubbish about respecting your kids and all that guff flying around, and as a consequence, all I hear from youngsters these days and especially young men is about how they feel disrespected and so on. Where I come from, as a young person you had to earn your respect, and thats how it happens in my house at least.

Speaking personally, I'm a single mum and I work hard to provide my sons with all the tools they need to become strong men. I'm quite hard on them in a disciplinary sense because I want them to be prepared for the harsh struggle that they ARE going to have to face when they are grown. Their dad isnt in the picture through his own choice, and for the longest time that made me so sad - I have many positive male role models in my family, and they go out of their way to help and support myself and my son's but its not the same as when it comes from dad is it? Dont get me wrong, Im not bitter - after all, I picked him - but I am angry still, because my sons need him for things that I definately cannot provide.

To me a weak man is one who cannot take care of himself, in what ever sense that may be. Now Im not talking a few shortcomings here. What I mean is in my opinion a strong man can handle his business. That doesnt take away the fact that a good woman can help him to up his game, it just means that he has got certain standards and keeps them up.

I recently had a date with a long time aquaintance, who, on the surface of things, seemed to be doing his own thing quite well. On the course of six dates, I discovered he'd completely changed career three times in the space of time we had been dating, when invited to his house for a meal (which was not untidy but had a layer of grime almost everywhere, he told me he wasnt much good at cleaning and did I think i could wash up while he heated up rice and peas - which smelled OFF an you all KNOW how that smells - with bisto gravy and burgers). The evening ended with a few drinks and him becoming slightly tearful because he apparently felt guilty over the grief he gave his deceased mother while he was a teenager. Needless to say, I patted him on the shoulder, gave him a murmured dont worry, Im sure she loved you anyway, and rushed out the door like the kkk was chasing my arse down!!! I spent the next month worrying if I had in some way attracted this man through my own fault!

lol - x_lullaby_x - sounds like you should have brought him home to yours instead - maybe you'd be an item now Still, losing your mum can't be nice, enough to make a weak man see things like cleaning and standards in a different light.

Do you know him to be different before the death of his mum?

Lullaby - we have opposite methods of parenting - wish we could keep in touch and compare in a few years, its all a learning curve!

I think respect is very important and it should be taught not earned.

I talk to my boys a lot and show them the same amount of respect i expect them to have for me. I tell them to treat people how they would like to be treated but to write off the ones who do not give them the respect they deserve. I praise them non stop when they have performed to my expectations and give them two raas lick when they gwan with any foolishness - (rarely necessary). To me respect is what these kids are lacking the most, respect for themselves and other people and no one to trust with any problems they encounter outside of the home.

My eldest has just entered his teens and came to me just last night because he has come into contact with drugs after school and needed some advice. The fact I haven't been too harsh, have encouraged them to talk to me no matter what and given him that respect and freedom to say what he feels, has made him he know he can come to me about anything, and this is the exact result i have been looking for. I dread to think what would have happened had he felt he could not talk to me about this and now i know for certian that he knows how to deal with this situation the right way and trust him to do so. Growing up i couldn't talk to my mother about anything mostlly because she was so harsh i felt anything i said would get me into some sort of trouble.

I feel kinda glad that their dad doesn't do any parenting because he only seems set on undermining anything i teach them, rather than talk or understand he preffered to rule with an iron fist and adopt the "do as i say not as i do "approach when he knows damn well that didn't work with him and his parents. I honestly feel that if they had 2 parents, the oldest at least would be heading towards being a statistic, when right now he is now where near that. My cousins, brothers, father, grandfather etc have all had a hand in raising my boys and i feel they are more than lucky to have them as positive role models then there one inadequate father. The elders teach them good old fashioned values whilst the youngers teacher them how to be black men in a YT man country.

BACK ON TOPIC

IMO a weak man is one who woud not be able to fulfill the basic traditional roles - i.e. the head of the family - if need be. If this is his supposed nature, and he can't even do that then what use is he????

Icognito, you right, its a damn good thing I went to his place in hindsight!!!

His mum passed away a good few years before we met so havent a clue.


Melissa, I do agree with a lot of the things you say, Ive tried to keep alot of the old school stuff alive and kicking in my house because it works, we spend alot of time talking, mainly carried out around the dining table, no dinner on your lap in my house - and although they are still small, at the moment, I am getting the results I want to see from them. Its a credit to you that your son can bring these things home to you for advice - lord knows they need to have someone trustworthy that they can run to in this day and age.

Melissa - extremely important being able to talk to the parents about anything which is why my boys are/were my best friends first, sons second (in a twisted social sense). One of the last things I told my 7 year old was if you lie to me then I will not be able to defend you when the system or your enemies come to slew you.

It's one of the biggest issues with many children. I know men with children all over the place and have never ever seen some of them. It doesn't get much weaker than that. There are many single mums who would and should be wives but for these weak men. Yeah and bet your bottom dollar they got the biggest chat outa road.

Is a man "weak" if he can't provide materially as much as a woman?

Is a man "weak" if he puts his hands on a woman?

Is a man "weak" if his woman isn't satisfied with him?

Is a man "weak" for indulging in multiple women?

innit - when they were scared of breaking something I'm trying to tell them there is nothing in the yard that you can break that is worth lying for. And don't understimate the system, it's looking for young experiments everyday.

shemsi

no
no
no
no - as long as they all know about each other. Extremely weak if he cheats.

disagree. A man that puts his hands on a woman to strike her is in my opinion weak in every way, in his mantality, in his morals, in his own manhood and in his soul. There are very few examples i could think of where this wouldn't apply. Men should not hit women, standard

disagree - putting hands on a woman is the least - disrespect culture and values that mofo deserves a public stoning...just like a man would - saying that, where religions dictate, I wonder whether a man has ever been the victim of an honour killing. Indeed depending on what you're defending, not giving the beating is what is weak