[b]just wondered if any of you bnv ladiess been the other woman knowingly.. Was watching Oprah the other day and there were women black and white who openly admitted to being happy being matee. happy to sneak around and spend time as and when he says.

kim porter is/was puffy's number 1 yet many women still settle for 2nd for him. sarah chapman i believe is his jump off

what do you get out of it and what does it say your worth is ?

do you have any friends who are jump offs/matees?

this thread is not about bashing women. its to do with choices people make. please keep it clean and to topic.

cant imagine being a side dish, its a lot to put up with being second best and i wonder how certain women are able to do this. Not to mention the issue of sexual health, i cant be sharing no man
But u have to wonder why they would settle for this it comes down to self respect if you dont respect yourself you wouldnt see it as a compromise, but if you do it simply wouldnt be goo enough, it would be outrageous and every day of it would cut like a knife and the thought would be so unbearabel that you'd have to call it off. But then im a very all or nothing type of person. And equally to the Kim porters of this world there comes a point when a woman needs to put her foot down and say enough, make a choice be faithful or get gone. I still believe relationships should be between two people if one cant manage that then they shouldnt be in that relationship.
But on the other hand for a woman who is just looking for sex the idea could be attractive, leave the wifey to put up with all the emotional BS and the jumpoff get the sex with her own jumpoff win win, apart from the wife and kids who are often dragged through the mud...eastenders stacey-max-tanya and bradley saga not a good look

@wifeable
many a intelligent and thoughtful woman like you have said that in restrospect only to be become part of the same cycle...you can never tell what would happen if you find yourself in the same situation unless your morality and spiritally is rock solid but in this days where sex and money rule you can see why enough women end up as a jump off.....

Nah mate, not me. I would never knowingly be someones jump off/matee. It smacks of low self esteem/worth if you would willingly get into a situation like that. Why the hell would you want to be second best unless you believe you are second best and dont deserve any better.

By getting into these types of situations you only end up with worse self esteem as the fact the man doesnt want you full-time will only make you think even more that there is something wrong with you. The low self esteem cycle continues....Imagine if you could never see someone when you wanted, a man who makes promises to you then lets you down because his family/wife will always come first. You might get the bomb sex but his wife gets his love, respect mind and body. I have friends of friends who have slept with guys knowing they have wifeys

I have suspected that guys in the past I have linked have had girlfriends but they would never admit to it. I am staying celibate for the time being working on myself and waiting for the right man. I want the whole dish not the crumbs......

Astmartins
no disrespect but no i would not get in that situation, and no my morality isnt rock solid nor does it have to be its just a simple human action called CHOICE, just like saying would i ever take heroine- nope and i dont need to be offered it to know that i wouldn't! not all woman are slaves to their emotions or to "money"- WTF?!, so id simply say no thanks and move on, i have done it before every single time the situation moved in my direction, and i'd do it again In my opinion its just called loving yourself enough to let go of something. in response to your comment about i can say all this now but will end up doing it in the future...i thinks not, Im just not the type of woman to loose my head over some dude.... call it being conditioned into being clinical and gaurded or watever, but if i ever do, it will be a dude who is not married and a dude that God Intended me to marry or it just will not happen because i would not let it. All others are just space fillers so why would i compromise my standards for a filler? way I see it is there are plenty more mediocre guys out there, so why waste your time on a non starter, now when you find a diamond its a different story and a true diamond does not have affairs, . And as for being given money from married men- thats cool for whoever wants to o it but personally its not for me would rather make and spend my own.

@mellissa and et al. not all the men are rich. wealth has nout to do with it, if looking at the wider picture some people are just scandelous

Gettin yours by being a glorified prostitute??

Men these days dont even need to pay women on the side to be the jump off/matee, there are plenty of women who will step into the role for free!

My uncles foolish behaviour meant we never lived in a properley decorated house, looked at houses with the intention of moving but never actually doing it. He just did it to appease my aunt whilst he was pretending to the outside world and his whole bag of women that he was big daddy money bags when really his real family lived like squatters....Men like this make me sick.

It dont make no sense why a woman would choose to put herself in a situation like this??? If you have been cheated on or sick of men with their BS. Dealing with a married man is a stupid thing because if he can lie to his wife with ease why the hell do you think he wont to you!??

In most instances you are probably right. However, I have seen some women who could probably make some men leave their wives for them, so they use that to get what they want. They are perhaps so appealing (sexy), that men would spend mass amounts of money just for her company. I have seen women play on this characteristic in some men, playing on their emotions, while collecting from 3 or 4 men at the same time. I saw one time where the man actually left his wife thinking he could be with her given all he had "invested" with the jump off. He showed up at her door one day and said, "I left my wife", and she said, "I don't know why you did that...I don't want to be with you." LOL.

Now, you might say, that is just stupidity on the part of men when they see a fine woman. I don't know. From what I've seen it just isn't always a win/win situation for both people.

*shakes head*

I don't know why people can't just take relationships seriously without all this nonsense. I look down on ANYBODY male or female who knowingly sleeps with someone they know is married or in a committed relationship, do that and your TRIFLING ASS HOE I don't care what the circumstances are.

hey if you asked me i'd say these women were smart.