When I was very young and my mother and father was together, he was abusive to my mom. He would beat me or my little sis and bro sometimes not a lot, for a stupid reason. But years later I still felt much love for him. I do love him. He calls my house like everyday leaving messages cause we never answer. I plan to speak to him, but should I?

Yes, you need to reconcile with him. He probably feels sorry for what he's done to you and your family.

How much does your mother have to say about this? I got a friend in a similar situation, eventually she went behind her mothers back to make contact with the dad...to this day she has not told her mum that her and the dad are acquainted again. Hell and powder house.

If you miss him and are willing to establish a relationship with him then go for it. But you need to be realistic and take your time in getting to know this stranger who is your father.
Sometimes your expectations differ from what is the reality of the situation. Talk to him and see how he feels about the past. Establish a relationship because it might be in your interest in terms of your identity and establishing bonds with other members of his/your family. But bear in mind that your other siblings and especially your mother might feel betrayed so you need to be sensitive to their feelings as well.
There is no point having regrets after he is gone if what you want to do is to have a relationship with him now, so don't procrastinate. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
I hope that it works out well for you.

Absolutely you should speak to him!

Parents are people too - sometimes we are flawed and come with all that that means. There is no perfection in parenthood...we struggle in adulthood as much as we struggled in childhood. One just hopes that along the way, there are enough tools learnt to allow navigation through life. Perhaps your father has grown and has learnt the tools necessary to have an adult relationship with you....perhaps he hasn't and it will be more of the same.

Either way, you should make peace with your father. The key being that now that you are an adult you should have clear boundaries as to what you will or will not accept (as hopefully you have with anybody that you interact with)

This leg of the journey is now about you and the tools you are learning. So go ahead and speak to your father.

Good luck!

Co-sign 100% speak to the man...

Yep, go see the man, in many cases it's the children who teach the adults how to be parents.

I say don't do it.

Why shouldn't she?

oh here we go...i knew there had to be one..and what a surprise that its you!!!

Go for it, at least he's making the effort to communicate with you, some people don't even get that.

Kunjufuu,

Last time I checked...we have freedom of speech and of opinion.

Unless I'm being personally offensive to somebody, some way....I'll say what I please. deal with it.


Loyalty means something to me....and if person was abusive to my mother....and me....they'd have to regret it forever.

DtotheJ: Just for you i have reprinted what i said, hmm I'm struggling to see where i challenged your right to voice an opinion....so please stop being soo bloody melodramtic and OTT...

btw... as an aside there is no such thing as 'free speech' or 'freedom of speech' that does not operate anywhere..and it certainly doesn't operate here on BNV..so lets just get that bit out of the way shall we....!

Now back to the thread, if you think loyalty is the main thing fine, thats YOUR view.. however as this child cannot and is not privy to all the issues within her PARENTS relationship... It is i would have thought as an ADULT incumbent upon her to meet the father and make up her OWN mind on the issues....

You just stating that she ought NOT to meet the man is childish and short sighted...