Why is the church full of single black women?

BY Marcia Dixon

New movie tries to find the answer
SOULMATE IS an award-winning documentary examining why the church is full of single black Christian women. The film is causing a storm in black Christian circles. Soul Stirrings talks to writer, producer and director Andrea Wiley, who has worked on classic US comedies like The Prince of Bel Air and The Parkers.


(SS): What made you decide to make Soulmate and how long did it take you?


Andrea Wiley (AW): After I read The Purpose Driven Life, God sent me down a path of becoming more intimately acquainted with Him and His purpose for my life. While working on a sitcom, I could clearly hear Him ask, ‘How will you use the gifts I have given you for My glory?’ I left my position as a Hollywood sitcom writer that day.


A few weeks later, a single girlfriend told me she was going to freeze her eggs and pick a man with whom to have a baby. My heart went out to her and all my single girlfriends and I began making Soulmate a few weeks later. Soulmate took just under two years to make from start to finish.



(SS): What key message were you trying to convey through Soulmate?


(AW): I wanted to reveal who our true soul mate is. Our goal in life should be to get to know Him intimately. He is our one true soul mate. Any love we receive on top of His unconditional love is just icing on the cake!



(SS): What in your view were the most touching parts of your DVD?


(AW): The most touching parts of the film for me were discovering that a black child had a better chance of growing up in a house with a married mother and father during slavery than today, that 70 per cent of black children are born to single mothers, and realizing how many people live their entire lives without ever knowing their purpose. These tragic truths speak to the break down of the family, which is the foundation of society.



SS): How have people been responding to the DVD when it has been screened?


(AW): The response has been simply overwhelming. There have been tears, laughter, revelations and lots of hugs. I give God all the glory for touching hearts, changing minds and transforming lives through Soulmate.


(SS): Do you feel the church’s role is to help people find partners?


(AW): No, I do not. I believe that the role of the church is to guide people to have an intimate relationship with God through Jesus Christ. The church should teach people how to read the Bible, which is God’s instruction manual for life. The church should help train people to live lives that bring glory and honour to God.


(SS): What role should the church play in helping women deal with their singleness, longing for marriage and children?


(AW): In 1 Corinthians 7:34, scripture says that the unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. I don’t think that single women are taught that singleness is a gift. What an honour to dedicate your season of singleness to caring for the things of God. Instead, many women are desperate, bitter and angry at God because He hasn’t brought them their husband.


The church needs to teach all people that God is not here to serve us, we are here to serve Him and it should be our goal to please Him. The other role the church should play is helping to prepare women for marriage and motherhood, because single women are not prepared or equipped. They are not taught properly about the foundational virtues of humility, servant-hood and submission, and as a result many marriages end disastrously.


(SS): Are you working on any other Christian documentary/programmes?


(AW): Our next film, God willing, will be a documentary about black men in America.


(SS): How long have you been a Christian, and how does your faith impact the kind of work you do?

(AW): I have been a Christian for 24 years. My faith drives my life. This relationship informs the work I do and the choices I make in every area of life, not just work. It is my desire to be a living, breathing extension of Christ in this world.



(SS): What message do you have for single Christian women still looking for their soul mate?


(AW): Trust God. The sovereign God of the universe knows exactly what is best for you. Don’t try to make things happen because of fear, loneliness or a ticking biological clock. You could end up making a decision that you will regret for the rest of your life.


Get to know God during this time and understand that singleness is a gift. You can serve God unhindered by the demands of a spouse and children, and believe me once you are married with children, your time is no longer your own.


Learn about what it takes to be a good wife in Proverbs 31, 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:22. Being a godly wife entails serving, sacrificing and submitting to your husband. If this is not appealing to you, you are not ready to be a wife.



(SS): We can’t forget about the brothers. What message do you have for those wanting a soul mate?


(AW): It is the same message I have for women. Remain rightly related to God and He will direct your steps. When we have an intimate relationship with our Creator, we are not desperate or fretful. God fills all the empty places and allows us to move through life with grace, ease and love. That is quite appealing to the opposite sex.


Spend quiet time with God and meditate in His Word, daily. Allow His still small voice to reveal His purpose for your life and who He wants you to spend the rest of your life with.


Visit ::Soulmate | A Clean Heart Production Film:: for more information


Voice Online :: Why is the church full of single black women?

It will be interesting to find out about some of these womens past relationshships, i.e how the ended ? etc.

I may need to view the trailer again to clarify this, but I di not like they way the male said that once you eliminate the black men o the down low, those in prison, etc there is no one else left.

A lot of women/people can't think out of the box and Church becomes a safe haven. Many find god only when their backs are against the wall, that realisation that their looks and sex are not a meal ticket through life.

What box?

Church becomes a safe haven from what?

Looks and sex are not a meal ticket through life for women I agree but, for men I differ.

Maybe the question should be, Where are the ? or Why are the not there?

Better yet, Why don't they need God? Why don't they need to fellowship?

Alot of black men nowaydays are not into the white mans religion. It is very presumptous to assume that because one does not attend church / ojne has no interest in God or respect the divine.

The other morning I come out my yard to go work and an elder black man wanted to push a Christian leaflet in my hand asking me if I found God. I told him I dont deal with the white mans religion/ more interested in African concepts. Hear him "well God wont love you beacuse you are not humble"..

So he condemn by proxy with his God.. fool.. just left him and drove off laughing.

People(men and women) need to understand that there is nothing wrong with being single.

There is also nothing wrong with a spritual life and attending the right church to learn from. There are plenty women with level heads, and for those without it's not all the womens fault. Who taught them?

I'm not Christian but seriously why is this a cause for concern? Of all the problems people could be focusing on this is what they choose to concern themselves with? When did being single and going to church become a disease?

I think on some level, the way the church is set up...it's hard for most men to bow to the authority of another man in situation where it isn't necessary(like at work).

In church, unless you're part of the hierarchy, you're a follower and I think dudes resent following other men .

Goes against the way you're socialized .