Has your taste in men changed as you've got older? - Page 3

Incognito · (#51 (**permalink**))

salsaqueen - yeah there's bull-jook (power strokes) and puss-jook (those rapid half in and out ones), these are when you're in that glory zone where every jook you make she screams and moans - you have to be careful how you dish them out

salsaqueen · (#52 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognito

salsaqueen - yeah there's bull-jook (power strokes) and puss-jook (those rapid half in and out ones), these are when you're in that glory zone where every jook you make she screams and moans - you have to be careful how you dish them out

*taking notes* LOL

Incognito · (#53 (**permalink**))

salsaqueen - got lessons going if you interested

chi · (#54 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognito

Chi - my question to you would be have you ever had to change your taste in men because the ones you like don't like you?

Incognito, its NOT about men who DONT like me, its about those who DO and OTHERS TAKING ISSUE WITH IT.

I dont expect to seem attractive to all men, obviously some men who I may find attractive would not feel the same, its life.

My taste in men would not change based on someone else, my taste is about what I like. I am not defending someone who is only with me for skin tone, I wouldn't defend any man being with me simply because of any part of my physical makeup actually. I dont think any adult would.

However, and this may be a difficult thing for you to grasp, I will not demonise anyone for finding my skin tone appealing, just like a wouldn't with any one of my other features.

If I am dating someone, why wouldn't I want them to find me attractive?

Its actually quite unreasonable for you to expect that in order for me to somehow prove that I disagree with discrimination of darker women, I have to require that my mate/date/boyfriend is not attracted to my skin tone at all.

Does that sound reasonable to you?

You dont have the right to make that demand on anyone in fact.

You are wrong to say I am the same as a White woman or I am the closest thing to a White woman, rubbish...........why you are trying to equate dating within your race to dating outside your race is so weird to me.

It would be like saying to a White man, "its wrong to be with a brown eyed ginger haired woman, because she is not blond haired and blue eyed. In fact, its the same as dating a non white woman........ " That would be absolute rubbish.

Are they both not White? Is a man who prefers a brunnette with darker complexion being disloyal to his race and displaying hatred for himself/race?

In this day and age, especially in the west, if a Black man wants a White woman he will go for one.
There are other boxes to tick for that "light skinned girl" look that some go for, it includes facial features, hair type, racial background of parents etc.

If a Black man is with me HE IS WITH ONE OF HIS OWN......CASE CLOSED.

The day you equate being with a African woman with being with a White woman, you have seriously gone wrong somewhere.
How warped it has become be so called "pro Black" that you demonstrate it through making it wrong to be an African woman?

Its a particular breed of nonsense which is promoted in the diaspora, although I understand where it comes from, I believe its terribly misguided and actually serves as a diversion to the real issue. If it was really healing attitudes towards skin tone, it would not result in yet more division within our race. Instead we would be seeing harmony.

I think it was you who said your son is light, but does that make him less Black than you? If a girl wanted to date him, would that be because she wants a White man? Would that be the same as dating outside her race? Did you produce a child which is less Black than yourself and his mother, just because he is lighter than you? Would it make any sense if he was considered less Black?

Its actually a fulfillment of the light v dark, dark v light aim of slavery, but for some reason people feel they are being more "African" or "Black" by engaging it......that mentality is not of us Incognito.

Its not of the people you came from, its of the European. Thats the truth.

Thats my last reply to you on this issue, as I have made my point very clear.
You can take it or leave it where it is ok.

Incognito · (#55 (**permalink**))

Chi - I'll read that all in a mo but you seem to be going in circles, I'm asking you the same question you asked me yet when it is directed at you, you change your answer. Also you're still very much in the dating game so for all you know the men you are with just want sex in the same way you may just as well be with them for sex where certain criterias such as common culture are not as strcit as when looking a wife/husband and so willing to practise things like changing race and having abortions when accidents happen.

chi · (#56 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melissa

Chi - This is a very touchy subject for you obviously, i'm not seeing any signs of you 'shrugging it off' as you said to me earlier in the thread.....

Well, this is the internet, and as I said earlier, I dont actually really encounter this in my real life. Maybe its because my circle is mainly African, so there aren't the same hangups about dating a Black person who is light skinned to the same extent, not to mention that the way I look is very common to my tribe.

To tell you the truth, you only really get that "them and us" attitude with diasporan Blacks when it comes to skin tone. My culture binds me to those in my circle, its much deeper than skin tone.

As to your two points above:

If you think it is perfectly fine for a man to want to be with you merely because of your light skin then that is on you, but to many many many others he will have issues which will not be beneficial to you in the long run.

Melissa, I suggest, you actually read what was written by me instead of putting words into my mouth deliberately. I dealt with that assertion in my last reply, you obviously failed to read it thoroughly. I have already said that in no uncertain terms I would not want a man to be with me JUST for my skin complexion, but I am not going to say that I would not like my partner to find my skintone attractive.
You shouldn't be telling me that I should either IMO.
These men would not be the type of man anyone should want any of their light skinned family or friends to end up with. IMO, Men like these are beneath them, as they are more than just 'a skin tone' they have more depth to their character for them to end up as just some wastemans trophy high yella bimbo.

Trust me, thats has never been me. I dont get myself involved with "wastemans" as you put it and have never and will never be anyones "bimbo". Thankyou.

Black people attracted to black people of all hues should be regular, standard, natural, a given! My criteria for men i meet is simple: I am a black woman, my skin is dark, my hair is afro, if they mention any of these two traits in initial conversations i dump them, because as far as I am concerned, for a black man, (a decent intelligent black men), neither should be an issue, it should not be an alien concept for them, not enough to start a conversation anyway. This is the approach I get and expect from other races, i do not expect the same shit from a black man.

Thats fine and I have never had a man mention skin tone in initial conversation either, but would you see it as a negative thing if one of things your date/boyfriend was physically attracted to was that your dark skin or afro? Why is it a negative if a man finds your natural hair attractive, or the tone of your skin? Physically speaking, do you not also find things attractive about the way the man you are with looks? Honestly?

Do you require that he is not attracted to your skin tone?

As you say there should be no reason for a black man not to find you attractive because you are a black women, so why would it be ok or normal for them to pontifcate about your light skin as if they have never seen light skinned women before???

This is where you are jumping to conclusions, I have never been with a man who "pontificates about my light skin, as if they have never seen light skin before". That may be an experience of your friends, but thats not one I have experienced. As I have stated I primarily date African men, many of them have light skinned mothers, sisters and cousins. trust me, I'm not the first light skinned woman in their lives, that may even be a contributing factor....lol.

I dont think you should be jumping to conclusions about men that you dont even know.

For a man to like you just because you are light skinned is different ball game from suggesting that the man you are with mustn't find your skin to be attractive, the latter is actually a crazy thing to suggest IMO.

@ Incognito, I have no evidence to suggest that any of my exes just wanted sex alone and I really dont know why you would even make that assertion especially if you are trying to link it to the fact that I am light skinned. I would like to think you were not making that claim.

I have answered your question, you maybe just dont like the answer, but thats not really my problem I'm afraid.

chi · (#57 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melissa

Chi I think you are the one who needs to READ what is written, I didn't say a black man must not be attracted to my skin or my hair (how stupid!?) I said it is expected between two black people and therefore I would be wary if they approched me on these two subjects as if they were a novelty to them....

This is exhuasting, We will agree to disagree!

Maybe I misunderstood what you were trying to convey.
We will agree to disagree then.
Although I dont think we are in disagreement......not really.

Incognito · (#58 (**permalink**))

Chi - an old acquaintance took his light skinned girlfriend back home to Africa and everyone said she was white, your responses make me feel it's something like that you are really defending. Or there is some kind of deep rooted insecurity that makes you feel ugly or something if you are not seen as fanciable by evryone.

I'm going to try and track back to break this down as it seems we are crossing wires or something somewhere is getting lost in translation.

chi · (#59 (**permalink**))

@ Incognito, did you ever read anything here about wanting everyone to fancy me? You are actually making things up now. You will see what you want to see and your stereotyping of women of a lighter complexion is all you can see right now. Not what I am actually saying.

I'll leave you to that.

Whether your friend took a light girl to Africa and they called her White does not mean anything to me . You will find that even dark skinned people who are seen as very westernised will also be called white or "oyinbo", where I am from.

I have a friend who is in fact Nigerian and dark skinned, about kelly Rowlands complexion, she hadn't even made it through customs and they were already calling her White/Oyibo.They will may see you as Oyibo if you went there.

There is really nothing for me to defend, especially being an African. I kept on because you were not hearing me at all, and you still arent.

There is no breaking down to be done, I just dont fit into your politically correct view of people like me. Thats fine,I'm not interested in fitting into it either. I dont understand you right now to be honest.

This discussion is now redundant IMO.

Incognito · (#60 (**permalink**))

Chi - me read anything? I'm going to try and track back to break this down as it seems we are crossing wires or something somewhere is getting lost in translation.

Now I know you're trippin

Maat · (#61 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monique

When I was a teenager I used to lust after the sexy rude boys. My pin-ups at the time were Devante and Mr Dalvin from Jodeci. Fifteen years later, I find myself attracted to men who are frankly wimps and not necessarily good looking either. And unlike many women who would say they'd love a man to defend them, I prefer dating a guy who would walk away from a fight.

The tough masculine alpha male types no longer do it for me. They even scare me to some extent. In fact if Mr Dalvin chatted me up now, looking the way he did back then, I'd probably tell him to move on. To me, men who are too pretty or act too tough, spell P.L.A.Y.E.R or certainly not marriage material.

I read some research recently that suggested women although would date men with masculine looks, would prefer to settle down with a man with more softer physical features and who exhibit feminine qualities. According to researchers at St Andrews University, men who tend to be more sensitive are more likely to make trustworthy and faithful husbands. So it's bye Wesley Snipes and hello Sharif Atkins (Dr Gallant from ER). See some links to articles below explaining this theory.

Have you noticed your taste in men changing? Which do you prefer - the bad boy or the sweet geek?

Move over Vin, women prefer feminine men | Science | The Guardian
Male beauty : feminine face is key to a woman’s heart
BBC NEWS | UK | Feminine males 'more attractive'

Monique x

I don't think I ever had a taste in certain men as you describe. I just love men and I must say have only ever had eyes for my Nubian brothers. Should I ever be out on the market again, that won't change I'm 100% certain of that.

DSP · (#62 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by chi

@ Incognito, did you ever read anything here about wanting everyone to fancy me? You are actually making things up now. You will see what you want to see and your stereotyping of women of a lighter complexion is all you can see right now. Not what I am actually saying.

I'll leave you to that.

Whether your friend took a light girl to Africa and they called her White does not mean anything to me . You will find that even dark skinned people who are seen as very westernised will also be called white or "oyinbo", where I am from.

I have a friend who is in fact Nigerian and dark skinned, about kelly Rowlands co