@ethos

Hi Sista. Please dont despair. This is a very common reaction that you;re experiencing, even though lots of women wont admit to it.

First of all you do need to reach out and ask for help. As its still early days your Health visitor should be the one to talk to. If not her your doctor cos you could be suffering from some degree of post-natal depression. Although you are tired you are probably also not feeling good about yourself due to the weight you have put on.

The hormonal changes that occur during and after a pregnancy are Huge. Hormones changes can often seem like you;re going insane. Women have to endure massive hormone changes at puberty, pregnancy and menopause and these changes are not to be taken lightly.

Dont be too proud to ask for help. Is there an older female member of the family who could give you a break just so you can sleep? When I had my daughter I actually experienced hallucinations due to lack of sleep. No-one can function without enough sleep, thats why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

Also try swapping some of the high carbohydrate food you;re eating for fruit, nuts, and lots of protein.\Are you able to get out and let the baby have lots of fresh air? That usually helps them sleep. A drive in the car is even better, although I dont recommend you drive at this stage.

Dont fret about housework and stuff thats not getting done. You and your baby are top priority right now. Sleep when she sleeps, or at least lay down and try to rest.

I know this may seem a very difficult time, but it really wont last forever. The calmer you get the calmer your baby will be. She;s probably picking up your anxiety, so do try some relaxation techniques. Try burning some lavender oil indoors and when you bath her put a few drops in her bath water. Also try giving her a gentle massage after her bath. Babies respond very well to being gently stroked on a regular basis.

I know you probably feel very isolated and out of control. Try not to judge yourself too harshly cos lots of new mothers feel this way. You;re doing the best you can, and in a few months time you;ll feel like an old hand at all this.

Dont neglect yourself. Make sure you have a check up from your doctor, and find time to pamper yourself.

And if you ever do feel like totally exploding with your baby...place her in a safe place and leave the room till you;ve composed yourself. For the record I dont know any woman who hasn;t felt like throwing the baby out the window at times!!!

Good luck to you Sista. Stay strong cos its all worth it in the end niceone.gif

I think locsgirl has said it all really. Perhaps you could also try alternative herbs and medicines which could help ease you. I don't know precisely which ones to reccomend, but go to a herbalist who may be able to give you some advice.

It definately sounds as though you ned a lot more support than what you are getting right now. So seek the help.Whoever ask to help - let them do it - regardless if you feel you should cope, you would feel better for it.

I remember just putting on the hoover, made my baby stop crying! I think the idea is to try to do different things that could distract your baby as the tears are flowing, as this would give them something to focus on.

I think she is about coming to the stage where she is teething, so ask your health visitor if there is anything to help ease the pain.

All I can say is that I really feel deeply for you and I so hope that this is a phase you and your child is going through and that God willing you will get through it. Good luck!!!niceone.gif

@athaba

Yes Sis the hoover is a good one, it worked well for my son when he was a baby.

One day when my baby daughter was howlin like a banshee, I put some music on and danced my frustration off in front of her. She was sat in one of those little chairs that rock to and fro. All of a sudden she stopped yellin and started giggling at me...then laughing! I made the dancing a daily part of our routine and we still do it now she;s five years old.

Often we discover the right remedy almost by accident. But if it works....keep doing it!!!

niceone.gif

> ''ethos''

[color=darkred][i]What ''locsgirl'' said.

Also, since it seems that you are giving indication that you are a first time mother and may have had limited contact with infants, another resource that you should consider is to connect with some of the women in your family who have raised children and ask them for practical advice and caretaking tips to help you better adjust to your baby and more effectively address her needs.

Babies are a lot of work, but you've got to be strong for her, because she's relying on you. AND DO WHATEVER YOU CAN TO GET YOUR HUSBAND INVOLVED WITH HER UPBRINGING as well! He's missing a golden opportunity to bond strongly with his little girl ... not to mention he'll be effectively showing his level of genuine love & concern for you by taking her off your hands for a while and giving you a much needed 'down time' break to get yourself whole again.

Operative word, however, is patience. blktype


[align=center]= Aloha nui loa =

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''Before We Can See Things As We Would Like For Them To Be,
We Must First See Things As They Are!"[/font][/align]

@ ethos

Sorry to hear about what you are going through. The other posters have really given some good advice.

Maybe as you are stressed and the baby is picking up the vibe, because it is normally more effective if you are dealing with them calmly, but i am sure that might feel hard to do at the moment.

A lot of my friends have been through this and it is normally in the first few months. Things get easier. Have you tried to get her into a routine? Are you sure she is always full after feeding? You said she is 3 months old, she may be ready or some baby food now.(They say the baby should be 16 weeks, but many mothers start a bit earlier if the babies are ready)

I am not questioning your husbands actions, but if he does not believe in helping out with the baby then maybe he can help out with the house or do something to relieve you. A marriage should be people working together. Have you told him how you are feeling? Maybe he assumes everything is not that serious. Try to talk to him.

Peace~

@ Ethos

There really isn't too much else to add because you been given some fantastic advice from our fellow posters.
You deserve a big hug Ethosblk2hug because you are reaching out for help and not enough people do that.

Just remember with PPD (Post Partum Depression) as with other forms of depression there are varying degrees, some can be treated with or without medication.

PPD partly stems from women who are stressed and frustrated because often times the support system (family, spouse, church, friends, etc) is not there and the idealistic expectations of motherhood are clashing with the realities of motherhood.

However if you ever get to the point you feel you want to harm your infant that's when it's time to call the pros. Please talk to a mental health provider. There is no shame in it, people do it everyday.
I will be praying for you to get back to your old self so you can enjoy that precious gift you've been blessed with.
Bless you sis.niceone.gif

I really do feel for you, having gone through the same thing my little girl, now at 20 months she is a perfect angel!

You have received some really good advice already, but canI ask whether your GP or Health Visitor have eliminated any real medical reasons for the crying, such as colic (severe wind) Gastro Oesophagal Reflux (indigestion in infants) or even a hernia? If not I would strongly suggest you take you little one to your GP/HV to get the all clear.

I know from bitter experience that not all babies sleep when tired and instead fight sleep until they become overtired and grumpy. To avoid getting to this stage, try looking for sleep signals, the most obvious one is yawning, your baby hasprobably displayedothers, try to act on these sleep queues as soon as they are displayed. I found that putting my baby in a darkened room helped (to block out activity around her) If she starts crying, try not to fuss or get worked up (I know it's hard) but try to remain calm - (take deep breaths) whisper soothingly to her. Avoid picking her up if at all possible as thiscould possibly over-stimulate her. I found in my babies case that she just wanted to be left alone. Around the three month marker a pattern starts to emerge in terms of your babies routine, try making a note of her feed and sleep times to see if a pattern is emerging, this will be helpful in getting yourself back on track.

I know a crying baby is a nightmare, but please realise that this is her only way of communicating with you. If you ever get the urge to hit or shake your baby do as Locsgirl suggested and make sure she is somewhere safe and leave the room. try to compose yourself before going back to her. Please remember you are not alone.for some great advice oncoping with a crying/sleepless baby you can contact CRY-SIS, a voluntary organisation set up by mothers for mothers who find themselves in your situation, you can find themat

http://www.cry-sis.comtelephone number 020 8404 5011

Please also ensure you and baby get plenty of fresh air. That will help to boost your spirits and may help baby to sleep. I invested in a sling which I found hugely benificial My daughter always slept in the sling and I would walk for miles. (good form of excercise too!)

for the sake of your sanity I really think that you should seriously consider getting hubby to help out a little, even if he could prepare you meals or do some of the housework. If he feels you should give your undivided attention to the baby then I think that he has a vital role to play in ensuring you are healthy enough to do this. Also, get help from family members, don't be ashamed to say you need help. there is nothing shameful in this. Perhaps consider expressing milk in batches and preserving it in the fridge/freezer. This will give you the opportunity to have 'mummy' times whilst someone else feeds your baby. One word of warning, be careful of teats, if you intend to breast feed for quite a while, chose teats such as 'NUK' silicone, which are specifically designed for breast fed babies, teats which are not designed for breast fed babies could confuse her and she may refuse the breast.

Around the three month marker a pattern starts to emerge in terms of your babies routine, try making a note of her feed and sleep times to see if a pattern is emerging, this will be helpful in getting yourself back on track.


Please know that it will get better. This precious baby that you and your husband have waited so long for will soon prove to you that she was worth the wait.

Best Wishes and lots of love.

@Ijexa

Good Good advice there. I so agree with what you wrote about Father role and its So good to hear how seriously you took your role as a Daddy! Nice One niceone.gif

Cos it really dont come easy for some guys and I kind of understand that in some instances.

Some women (and the other female members of her circle) shut a lot of men out from the initail stage of pregnancy. No suprise then that by the time the baby is born he can feel like a spare part.

Its different for the woman. We connect (usually) with the baby as soon as we have the positive result confirming pregnancy. It grows inside us, it kicks, we speak to our bump in whispers. The man has to wait till the birth to physically connect with his new born.

A lot of men really "act out" when a new baby arrives. Even if its subconscious he can almost regress to child like neediness and the need for attention. The fact that he is also denied a sexual relationship with his woman doesn;t help. For a woman the hormones that normally are responsible for our sexual desire, are now the same hormones that our bodies are using to produce the milk. Plus the woman is exhausted and easily driven to tears.

And the breasts that used to be for his pleasure are now being commandered 24/7.

And if he watched the birth he hates to come to terms with how gory that sacred doorway can become!



So the guys who have a healthy enough Ego to place their woman and baby;s needs above his own, and muck in and be a part of it all is to be Highly Commended for being so Together!

niceone.gif

Ethos,

What you're experiencing is quite normal,it's not that you really hate your baby,it's just that being a new mother can me a majorly tiresome experience.I felt similarly with my first child.It get's easier with time.



Take care!

Silentjoy

--> ''locsgirl'' ...

[color=darkred]Very good follow-up points! I appreciate your wisdom.


[align=center]= Aloha! =

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''Before We Can See Things As We Would Like For Them To Be,
We Must First See Things As They Are!"[/font][/align]

dear ethos,

i did not read the post before this one...so some of these things may have already been said....confused3

i suggest that you get some help, sounds like post partum depression...which could be very serious, if not treated...

talk to your family and tell them that you need their help, i am sure they would be happy to help you...becoming a new mother can be very overwhelming, and sometimes we as women think that we can do it all, and we feel ashamed if we find that we can't...get some help sis

your baby needs you to be at your best, and you also need for yourself to be at your best don't feel guilty, you are not alone, unless you want to be..

http://www.4woman.gov/faq/postpartum.htm



sincerely,

bluehoney