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06-02-06, 08:57 PM
Seven Ways to Better Parenting
Although there's no employee manual to refer to and you're always on call, most parents would agree that raising a child is the most rewarding job you'll ever have--and the most challenging. The following pointers, adapted from The Black Parenting Book, should help improve your parenting performance:
1. Be a good example. We influence our children's behavior by our actions more than by our words. How you spend your time, express your emotions or creativity and involve yourself in your spiritual and local community make an impression upon your youngster, so live by your family's values and beliefs.
2. Respect your child as a person. Children reared in families where parents place reasonable demands, set limits and allow the young ones to participate in making household rules grow up to have better relationships with their parents. They're also more assertive and exercise better problem-solving skills than kids from authoritarian homes.
3. Take time for yourself. We all need a break at least once a week to spend time with our friends or by ourselves. But don't leave your partner out; relationships have suffered because parents spend too much of their free time on chores and other family obligations. By spending quality time away from your kids, you'll be refreshed and more happily engaged when you're with them.
4. Have reasonable expectations for your child. We often compare our youngsters to others, wondering, Is my child normal? Instead of comparing, observe your child and keep track of her behavior patterns. Knowing your little one's unique qualities and quirks will improve the relationship between you now and forever.
5. Help your child think for herself. Being independent requires good judgment and problem-solving skills--tools we provide for our kids from the start. It's important to set clear limits and explain the consequences of certain behavior to help your child establish her own internal voice of reason that says Don't put the screwdriver in the light socket because it's dangerous, and I'll get hurt. Through consistency and repetition, your guidance will pay off.
6. Talk to your child. Studies show that the more we speak to our young ones in a loving way, the more we boost their IQs. Talking teaches children new words, concepts and complex ideas, and it stimulates brain activity that affects intelligence. Through singing, children can learn about language, rhythm, our culture and numbers. And reading to youngsters is one of the best ways to boost school performance in later years.
7. Forgive your parenting mistakes. Most of the time we try to do our best for our children, but sometimes we fail them. Acknowledging you're wrong is the first step in doing what's right and learning from your mistakes. It's also a way to show your youngster that when you hurt someone you love, you can make amends and rebuild trust. Even if you feel you've failed your child profoundly, it's never too late to be a better parent.
Reprinted with permission from The Black Parenting Book: Caring for Our Children in the First Five Years by Anne C. Beal, M.D., Linda Villarosa, Allison Abner. Published by Broadway Books. Copyright [C] 1999.
“If people around you aren't going anywhere, if their dreams are no bigger than hanging out on the corner, or if they're dragging you down, get rid of them. Negative people can sap your energy so fast, and they can take your dreams from you, too.”
Earvin “Magic” Johnson
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