Greetings Everyone,

I have often heard adults new to a relationship with children involved from a previous relationship distinguish between and sometimes take preference over the children. I am trying to overstand what it is that would make them feel the need to be this way. Could it be hard emotionally for the adult to accept that their previous relationship did not work out? Does each parent feel over protective for bringing their child into the new situation? How does this effect the children and the home environment? Not saying that it would necessarily be all bad but how do you create a realistic balance?

Anyone care to share their views? Edited: just incase it's too personal.

I would appreciate ifthis could be as nonjudgemental a thread as possible...please *crossess fingers*

just cis they are not your kids easier to hate they get away with so much

@LadyDay: I don't think the adult really dislikes the child but when I hear comments they make or when they express what they do in favour of one over the other, to me it doesn't add up. Ihaveseen examples of the children playing up whichcan't help the situationbut as adult's we come across many things we didn't expect and so I suppose the real focus perhaps is more about how we deal with such things when we see them happening and howwe can make it right.

Whenever I feel resentment towards anyone I ask myself why?More often than not it's nothing to do with the person I think I resent, it's something they have done or said that triggerred one of my "issues". I would like to think that if I were in the situation I would deal with it as maturelyas possible but it's easy to say.

Takes a village to raise a child so regardless of whether the child is being raised in your household or not, I think in our community we are all doing 'step - parenting' in some way shape or form.Â* I believe the issue of concern is the degree to which you resent the fact that your partner has 'baggage' which if the truth be told is more about the relationship he/she has with his child's mother/father.Â* There is usually the complexity around visitation and the management of that on the relationship and on the household. Then you've got the issue of several baby fathers/mothers for men and women who have children for several people they have slept with.Â* Tyring to create a 'family' out of part-time children can be difficult.Â* Some children will view you as a step parent, some as daddy/mommy's girlfriend/man - so it can depend on the relationship you are in - married/shacking up etc. Â* There could also be the view that the children can be the product of a disfunctional act/relationship.Â* The degree to which you judge your partner for that can influence your relationship with the child.Â* This is a complex topic.Â* I hope more people join in the discussion.Â*

In my mind, I don't have any STEP children. Even though there are four. I think using the word STEP is kinda demeaning to the children. I LOVE ALL CHILDREN. No matter who they are, what race, nationality or anything else. Children can't CHOOSE where, when or to whom they are born. I love my "steps" as much as my own. I would NEVER treat a child with any bias.