There use to be this thing where people say you should not give your child too much attention or you'll 'spoil' him or her.

Have you ever been told that?

Sometimes we hear he/she is crying or doing something, (usually something naughty), for attention.

Is it really possible to give your child too much attention?Do you think it can 'spoil' a child?

My son was prematureborn at 34 weeks. I had never seen a baby that small but when I was in the special care unit after giving birth, I saw babies even more smaller than my own. I adopted a feeling that my son needed alot of protection and also my guidance (which I am sure many other parents have also). However, during his months as a baby, my son was in and out of hospital with regular respirtory problems. Fortunately,he outgrew those problems. However, he didnt walk to his cake on his 1st brithday as he didnt walk until 3 months after he turned 1. Nobody saw that my son had put on alot of weight and found it difficult to balance on his own. I was told that I carried him too much, hence the reason in his "late" development in walking.Thankfully, he wasnt a baby that cried for attention (probably coz i was always carrying him anyways, LOL)

However, as a big 5 year old, hecan be scared of heights, at a park I noticed he was struggling to climb and lost hope in his capability to climb a frame. I watched him helplessly stand there looking lost as his cousins climbed like the little monkeys they are. My sister told me to leave him alone and let him play on something else. My sister said leave him todo it alone. I decided against that (Being the stubborn lil Mama I am) and told her I'm gonna help him. I walked over to my son and he gave me his familiar look of "here comesmy girl". I asked him if he wanted to play on the climbing frame and he said yes. I asked him if he wanted me to give him a hand to climb on, he replied yes. All I done was stand behind him without even touching him. He climbed all the way up to the top and was even brave enough to jump downfrom a high height.

(Enuff of my long story) The moral of my story is, there is a fine line between spoiling the child and even disempowering them to do things themselves. However, sometimes children need encouragement in believing they are capable of doing things by themselves. I helped my son by letting him know that I believed in him that he could climb the climbing frame by himself, but I would be there if he fell.

I think that it is the type of attention that you give. There is bad quality attention and good quality. If a child is misbehaving and crying it couls be because they do not enough good quality attention. Maybe they would like to sit and read a book with there parents or do something interactive a creative with there parents.

I think that there are some parents put there that just leave there children to do whatever then wonder why they misbehave, and its because there minds are not being chanllenged and they get bored and they get attention from being naughty.

Thn you get the parents that don't leave there children alone to be creative by them selfand crowd the child which can have negative effects too.

I know a child that the parents dont spend too much time with so the parents buy a lot oftoys the child has everything but is horrible and miserable.

So it all depends, why do you ask anyway?

Hi Kamkam

I ask because my cousins daughter isfive years old. Ever since she was born, people including the parents, always said that 'she 'cries for attention'.

We were at this family gathering a little while back and I saw her wondering around crying. I went up to comfort her and told the mum; but she dissmissed it saying the same thing.

Idid not know what to think because allI saw was this crying girl and I really wanted to tell the mother off. But on the other handI know what its like for other people to virtually tell you how to raise your child because they think you're not doing it right!

Anyway it got me thinking, because sometimesI think there is no such thing as giving too muchattention - we all want to feel wanted right? But what does it really mean?

How do you draw the line? Is there a way to tell if a child has been given too much? Is a 'spoilt' child really an unhappy one?

That 'miserable' child you described; that is how I saw that little girl. I genuinely feel the parents are not giving her enough attention. They both work full-time and they have always left her with other 'people'virtually all her life. I don't know how to judge this one, butI tell you one thing, (and this is a slight aside), this 'spoiltness' or 'attention seekers', I only happen to see it among the children of working parents - no lie.

@nadisco1 I think its about being there for your child. You were. That is whereI think some people get confused. They sometimes think that if you 'pick up' your child too much, if you pay them mind when they are 'naughty', crying, you are 'spoiling' them. I'm glad yourboy is healthier now and hope thatallstays well.

What do others think?

Athaba that sounds so strange, i agree with you. If a child is attention seeking then there is a problem it needs to be sorted. It means the child is not getting something that it needs.

My son is 2 and a half when he starts to lie all over the floor rolling about, irratating his sister, putting things on my head,standing in front of the t.vetc just doing gerneral stuff to irratate the people around him its usually because he is bored. Most people get angry and should at the child and tell them there naughty.

Instead I will explain to him that it is unacceptable behaviour and find him something to do like colouring or lego. See hes attention seeking but its for a reason.

How could someone possible let there child walk around distressed. You comfort the child if so what was the childs reaction?

Children need the security of there parents. I dont think that you can give too much attention. What I have seen is parents doing the wrong things that leads to spoilt children. Like having children sleeping in a bed with them when the child id like three years old blkthumbsdownthats where problems start. It's the wrong sort of attention. Babying children that are no longer babies. Stupid behaviour that is not about the children but about the parents.

I agree with Kunjufu about boundaries so so so important

[suP]My mother was accused many times of spoilin me when I was a baby for the types of food she used to feed me... for the fact that I was very shy and would cling to her a lot and rather than push me away, she would allow it. The way she saw it, I was her only child and she would do anything in her power to make me happy. [/suP]

[suP]Like kunjufu says, the world is a harsh place and as I got older, it got harsher. Up until my teen( whcih wernt that far away) the relationship I've had with my mother has been criticised and a lot of it stems from the belief that she's always given me too much attention but the biggest joke is, the kids of those peole that were quick to judge have turned out to be a bunch of delinquents.[/suP]