hi all,

i am a mother of a 6 year and am sister to a severely moody and folla fashion pre-teen brother (13 yrs):P. As we all kno the issue of knives, guns, and gangs is getting out of control. My Q is, is our parenting going to be enough to counteract or balanceout what the streets is teaching them? i do alli can to instill discipline, guidance and support and shower him with affection, his dad is a v material person and his boy has to be in the latest wear blktrainersi kno this doesnt help but who doesnt spoil there only child to some degree! im the positive role model tho, got my degreeblkscholarand a good £ J.O.B, iv always worked and done adventurous things with him.

my 4'7 inch 8st bro now is a diff story, he thinks hes a lil G,the hoodies, caps, baggie pants, jewlery, gloves the lot. bearin in mind he is not my child and my mom is parenting him in her own way, one which i think is contributing to the message the streets are

sending. confused3



wot r yur thorts?

Moderators: can you put this one in the parenting thread in order to get the responses it deserves?

Graduate, I hear ya. I am an auntie to a fourteen year old. Just last week he had his feet up in such a weird position and when I asked about it, do you know he told me that he was trying not to let his sneakers crease. (!!!???)

I'm the "fun auntie"--but I never let my fun with my nieces and nephews be dependent on money. We can go out and "splurge" sometimes, but more times than not, we will go to free concerts or cram ourselves up with the crowds in the cold at the (free!) parade or pack a lunch and sitin the park and listen to (free!) musicon the radio, etc.For Christmas, the oldest kids know that they are going to in some way serve someone who is less fortunate than they are. And gifts are never toys or games, but savings bonds and/or books. I am not certain how we always manage to have fun, but we do.

I don't know the answers--and I'm not a mom yet, so I really don't know the answers. But I agree with you, it is important to try to offset some of the materialistic messages that children get when they are away from you. Sounds like you are a really good role model.Just through all the positive things that you do, your brother isprobably taking note of it more than you think.He will probablysurprise you real soon.

Peace

@ graduate,

it good that you have acknowledged the difficulty in parenting.

I am currently training to become psychologist and have worked with children and adults, even a prison.

I would say you have to conreate firm boundaries so that your child knows where they stand, try to get them involved with the type of children that u think are suitable who appear to have been raised well, also try to limit the amount of television and inappropriate media that they are exposed to. Talk to them , spend time with them, lead by example you have to practice watch u preach, teach them about their histtory and culture even the basics, have debates with them try to get them involved in critical thinking, if they are watching something that u think is inappropriate tell them why, hear their opinions.

You also have to be consistent, the materialistic worship is not gd if u have a problem with this talk to ur partner because ur child will adopt thoes values. Also be in close contact with the school be aware of what she is being taught , and how she is in school, take an interest in her life.

Let her know in your worlds and actions that u love her and have high expectations for her, that you believe in her abilities to achieve whats she wants and that she should aim for the best, always encourage with some slight pressure. Have high but realistic standards for behaviour and achievement, let her learn about responsibility e.g. get a pet, teach to set short and long term goals, teach how to problem solve and overcome challenges.

I will mention the history thing again she need to 'know her self' be proud of who she is , positive knowledge about her people, this will help counter the bs she will come across.

If u can honestly say you have done ur best then thats all u can do, hopefully she will have enough of a strong foundation to make the right decisions.

All the things i have stated apply to your brother, if u have a problem with his attitude try and talk to him to see whats going on, check the friends he is hanging out with, and if worse comes to worse throw him on a plane to the home land of your parents with a one-way ticket.

Research Findings 154. http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs/r154.pdf]]The prison population in 2000: a statistical review [/url]
website address http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/prisons1.html will clarify some of the information he gets from rap music (about crime) particularly the dispropotate amount of black people in prison compare to the general population. secondly take him on visit to www.abolishthenword.comto help him understand whatthe N word reallymeans.

Boys are different to girls and go weird at puberty in a way women dont fully understand. They usually grow out of it. And with your continual encouragement he will do well. Continue to show an interest in him. Stressful though it may be. You are doing good, believe me.

mostly dont give up on him. Give him positive praise when he does well, postive encouragement and give him manly tasks, when they arise, as an opportunity to earn. Continue to show an interest in him.

Even if he appear to be ignoring what you say he will have heard. they sometimes surpise you.

the main thing is continue.

graduate - that almost sounded like an excuse to say you have a degree:?..

Well I know a six year old whose mother put a tv and a dvd player in the childs room whenjust 4 years old. She's there now talking about the child being behind...and there's not a single educational dvd in site....yet fails to see any conflict of interest while thisbright kid is turning obese while being dumbed down by the box.

Babyfathe objects from day one, (along with many other things) but keeps getting met with babymother resistance as a means of her showing him who is in control....some independant woman girl power bull. In this case the answer is get rid of the mother...before the streets take over!

Some dare I say many women are too superficial to raise boys....and they're too superficial to know it!!

I agree some people are ill equipt to be parents. Some people have been misinformed about the roles of parenthood. some people had ignorant parents as role models. poor examples have been set and total reliance on the educational systems misplaced.

Howevergraudate is not the parent of the child in question butappears toabout the future of the child, seems to be showing genuine concern andis not alone on this matter. (The future of black boys)

As for mentioning that she has a degree. this is good. more black people should speak about their educational achievements. And the opportunities that follow becasue of it.

blackguru - agreed..seems to be a thin line these days in the perception ofbragging and modesty.....

graduate wrote: What I highlighted is the problem. If his own father (and mother)are not willing to set an example for their son, then I'm not sure what you do will have the effect you desire.

There is nothing wrong with spoiling your child, but when that child only focuses on the material things and has no concept of value, then there is a problem with spoiling that child.

on second look I can see what you saying. But the point is that there is concerned about the boy andseems to be asking for input in order to support him in the right way or view points on the current situation with black youth. She doesnt appear to be in any trouble herself butthe brother appears to be heading that way.

Focus should be put on helping the boy and others like him. You being a male (I ASSUME,COULD BE WRONG), what positive action can be takenby single parent mothers to prevent further problems with their sons?

BB - think my eldest is becoming aware...talking about adidas and Nike et all. Kind of believe cheap costs twice in the long run but in general like to mix and match it in that can buy him a jumper for 12pounds one day and buy him one for 45 on another...or even better, buy his clothes in bulk when on holiday in the USA.

If there is one thing that really riles me is seeing ourtoddlers draped in jewellery..

Incognito wrote:
Who said anything about cheap?confused3Being sensible with money and being aware of value does not equate sticking to cheapness all the time:P

I agree with your logic. I myself don't buy 'cheap' trainers, mainly because the style I like is made by a 'name brand' and I don't change my trainers every few months. I make them last.

My point was if the parents aren't bothering to teach their child, then I do not see the sibling making a great impact.

Incognito wrote: youre a joker!