Any men got visiting rights to their children, how much do you actually get involved with raising them or is it just day trips to the park. If all you are doing is visiting, how much difference does it make how often you visit? Have we reached the stage where we are just happy to know who our dads are?

Bacoo - and by choice as well. The only time the father gets a mention is if the children come out wotliss. If single parents are the norm I think it's full time the women became the visiting parent or the parent on the side cos if stats are anything to go by for the most parttoo manyare doing a lousy job.

But really for the babyfathers/divorced who haven't got custody, what role do you play..especially if you have other profesional/soial commitments.

honestly, how many men do u think are gonna admit that they only see their kids when they can find the time? a lot of them are just happy to be out of the relationship with the mother, so not being around the kids every day is a small price to pay for the freedom they have gainedfrom the ex. its not an ideal situation but neither is living in a warzone (ie: the family home) for 'the sake of the kids'.

many absent parents lives do not revolve around the children they dont live with so they visit when they can - the rest of the time they are getting on with their life, making money, having fun with the lads or whatever. its not always practical to parent properly when u dont live with your children. if u work regular hours u may not have time on week days to go and see how your kids are doing, so a phonecall may have to suffice in many cases.

even when u do live with them it can be difficult to spend quality time with them, alongside other comittments u may have, like work or elderly parents, education or training. i know women whose children are in bed by the time they get home from work - and their partner is the person putting the children to bed, going thru the homework with them, etc etc. these women may well look forward to taking the kids to the park because on a day-to-day level they dont even see that much of their child.

in some two parent households the role is reversed and the father is the one who rarely sees the children awake on weekdays and only gets weekends to really spend time with the children. thats modern family life, so it isnt even the case that its only absent parents whoarent that involved in the day-to-day raising of their kids.

I really can't comment personally. I have no children. But I know many brothas who's masculinity is tied up in producing children.

Not in caring for them.

But this is a good thread to talk about that.

bubz - appreciated but this is a specific question for a specific scenario as opposed to a general discussion about raising children. I've always believed statistics are somehow contrived to fit the agenda of the statistician so really wanted an idea of some of the realitiesexperienced in here. But as you hinted, it appears there are no half dads in da house. Noticed the thread about questioning the amount of shoes women have before it's called materialistic has gone quiet too. Girl I think I'm beginning to see how this all works

i believe that i am a half dad to my son im not particularly happy with it that way but in all fairness of MY situation its the best i can do. Im not with my sons mother and she now has another child with someone else and to cut a long story short she isnt the easiest person to get along with infact being around her i find is EXTREMELY negative for my son as she likes to argue and shout allot she even shouts at my son not in anger she is just naturally aggressive.

He stays with me every weekend that im not working 3 weekends out of 4 if not all weekends cos sometimes i do work saturdays and basically from friday to saturday night its only about me and him. I do as much with him as i can be it reading going to the park playing football computer whatever as long as its ME AND HIM and he knows me and him can relate thats all that matters to me cos when he gets older like in secondary school thats when young BOYS only go to who they are SAFE WITH i know this for a fact. I know some may not agree fully with my method but like i said its the best i can do to what i know is right and im a full time student at uni and live alone (none of that matters i just dont want you to think im out galavanting as i am actually doing something of importance when im not with him)

i dunno

i try and whilst his mum really annoys me i dont hold her responsible for any of the things that go wrong in regards to my son cos we are both trying our best when all is said and done there is no way i can say she aint trying and there is no way she can say i aint trying so we are both doing something right.

i would also like to add that at NO STAGE EVER would i NOT drop everything im doing to have him full time infact i have actually tried to do this when his mother was raising him in a way that i dont agree with so i put my money where my mouth is and made the plays to do it but his mum went against it.

at first i thought it was cos she was scared of loosing him but i actually now know there is more to it

WOMEN LOVE ROUTINE they love THEIR routine

i once said to her let me take him to school and pick him up EVERDAY for a week as i will take the week of work just so she could stop rabbiting on about how i dont know what its like to have him all the time

you would of thought she would have jumped at the chance she said yes but then shegged me (longed me off and basically wasnt there when i came to pick him up to take him to school)

so there you have it some women can be a good mans krytonyte

true stories

forgive me for ranting but this subject is a bit touchy for me

DARKSIDER wrote: Besides, the law is changing now in regards parental rights for men.....i just wish more men fought for their children instead of giving up just because the silly cow says NO.....we all know that women and men, use children to get back at their partners....and most women, even when they are not coping, would rather fight you tooth and nail rather than admit that they are BAD parents. Thats why i think fathers need to grow a bit more balls and fight these women because at the end your child wouldn't care about the excuses.

I'm a big fan of Fathers For Justice.....niceone.gif

Mezmorised

You must think people got money to waste fighting what is in 95% of cases a shut case already.

Unless the mother is on crack/ has serious issues or recently lost all 4 limbs you on a prayer.

Alsomost men have no wish to have social workers and got knows what else poking around in your family life or to have white men and strangersdictate when and how and under what circumstances they can see their children. Until there is a fundemenatal shift in the law I know I wouldnt do it.

Better to rely on your own resources...

@Brother Tekuma/Mez. Do you know how many times I hear black women say that. And my response is because most black women do not have a general experience of the legal system and process period in any area of law.

Most lawyers who are honest with you will tell you straight up avoid law at all costs, whtether it is at a Employment Tribunal never mind in a family court. My ex is a family law barriser and she does not take male cases why because she is not in the business of losing that is why.

Nevermind the money it costs which most brothers cannot afford or are wiser not to spend knowing that any so call gain is usually transparent. One of my bredrins had his ex just met a new man and take the child half around the country. What is a court going to do about that?. His fatherhood was basically reduced on that day without his knowledge or consent...

By the way i even know mothers who were on coke or taking acid and all types of shit and their children's fathers were straight and boring by comparison. Guess who has control of the children.

I know a few men who have won but it is very rare and in cases where they have abandoned their children and it is clear they don't giver a rass. But unless it is crystal clear and most cases never are the judge and not unreasonably so given their assumptions which are not abnromal even though they are so out of touch with what is going on today...

FBconfused3