We live in the times. There's also a lot of talk about bad parenting, absent parenting and single mothers when the reality is nuff of the parents in these situations are pikney themselves. So the question is, how old were you when you had yours?

Interesting.

Not to point a judgemental finger or anything but I know a few people who went to college for a diploma and came out with offspring instead.

Incognito wrote:
We live in the times. There's also a lot of talk about bad parenting, absent parenting and single mothers when the reality is nuff of the parents in these situations are pikney themselves. So the question is, how old were you when you had yours?

Why do people constantly attack single parent mothers? I just do not get it. I know there are SPM who are maybe not considered as good mothers, however there can be also two parent families who can raise their children in the most horrific way. My mother was a single parent mother at the age of 21, which is not young but she probably still had a lot of life to live. However I was raised with so much love, class, respect and knowledge that many adults that I know who came from two parent families do not have the relationship I have with my mother.

I think you should separate the two because bad parenting does not directly mean single parent mothers or even absent parenting, please define absent parenting. The age a woman has a child has nothing to do with SPM, common now. I get so offended when people use bad and SPM in the same sentence as I know how hard my mother has worked and all the other SPM's who raised decent people into the people 'we' are today. Please can we all just leave SPM's alone.THEY ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BREAK DOWN IN SOCIETY…

Melissa wrote: So true!

Interesting.

Really wanted to see who would come out all gunz blazing on the defensive where the question really was to dispell the myth of children having children being a cause for concern.

Again I suppose it boils down to whether someone is defending their current predicament as opposed to any social moral or cultural virtue so that being said, does anyone see children having children as amoral or is this 'as long as you're a good parent' the panacea of all things maternal/paternal?

Incognito wrote: We have been here before Incognito.

I was 17 when I gave birth to my first born, my mid 20's my second and nearly 40 when I had my last two.

And I am extremely PROUD of my first two manchilds, extremely.

I raised two perfect manchilds, grounded, honest, hardworking, respectful, kind, loving, proud, well mannered, considerate, generous.

They never got into trouble at school, or with the police. No one ever had to knock my door about them.

My oldest got married first and then had a child and it is clear that he is going to be a brilliant father. But then that was obvious by the way he behaved towards his younger siblings...everyone always said he would oneday make a great dad.

My second is settled with the same girl for 4yrs now. Infact I am particularly proud of their choice in women.

Both of them were children of the 80's But however I did it(and I'll be honest I'm not really sure) I raised two good men(out of Moss Side/Handsworth)single parent/teenage mum. Damn I am patting myself on the back.

My second oldest left home last year to go and live down south with his girlfriends family. My oldest went bolistic with him, for..."leaving mum on her own". And while out of work for 6months it was both of them that sent money regularly for me even when I refused. The second oldest as even come back home (with girlfriend intow) to help me with childcare.



I just hope and pray my last boy turns out half as good.

Single Parent or Teenage Mum It is how you raise your children that matters not what label you carry.

The biggest delinquents kids I have known have come from the so called 'normal' family background...usually religious.

PS

Children having children is not new. Been going on from time.

Tahliba - been here before...not quite, this isn't about single parenting, bad parenting, absent parenting per se but more the reality of children having children as prophecised and the next question was going to be is it only an issue when there is no cultural or social fabric in place to accomodate it.

I haven't done any research yet neither but I find it difficult to believe worldwide most people have their children when they are old(er) to the degreewhen it was prohecised that children would be having children I wonder who the target audience was.

btw hope you're cool...it must be one of the nicest feelings to see your offspring get married.

Teenagers been raising kids since Adam and Eve. Nothing new under the sun. It's only recently society been trying to force this wait till married and 35 to have your 1st child lifestyle

Tahliba - think what you mentioned about religion is very true..indeed I also believe why many people jump on the Christianity is for white people and Islam for Asians wagon - it's almost too much of a convenient excuse.

I've always been wary of our ability to shift cultural goalposts as and when it suits us but the reality is there was never any culture to begin with. We just seem to believe we are culturally blessed and aware by some magic of birthright.

I've had similar debates regarding many aspects of culture but when it comes to having sex and the repercussions of irresponsible sex al hell breaks loose. Some would say all the self defence speaks for itself.

Really didn't want to dwell on the sex or the religious side of things but equally if anyone is saying an atheist cannot relate to issues of social morality then that speaks for itself just as much.

DSP - as I said, if it has been going on since creation I'm beginning to wonder who the prophecy was aimed at. Be interesting to find out average birth age across countries, continents, religions and cultures and whether that age is a reflection of cerebral maturity, cutural stability or simply an old enough to bleed old enough to breed ethic.

Saying that, if it's just a question of sex then there's argument and probably evidence to suggest people are having sex even before puberty. But yeah, I'm feeling this vibe that this is not seen as a moral or cultural issue but then is that just amongst people who have crossed that bridge.

I hear people talking about being cultural gatekeepers and at times I wonder what it is that is being kept within these gates and why the posts holding these gates keep shifting.

One more thing before I go to bed...Where culture and religion are deeply ingrained then children are usually a product of marriage. I would also suggest where religion has had a negative effect then surely that too goes down to how that religion was taught so in other words just another example of bad parenting as opposed to a different source of root cause.

I mentioned people graduating as parents from college only because at the time most said that they definitely did not plan to have offspring, it was an accident yet in later life when they pull things round will say nothing was wrong with it....which could be interpreted as a shift in morality which makes you wonder what they teach their children other than if you find you do become a parent unexpectedly then take responsibility.

Was speaking to some Nigerian elders who said for the most part as soon as children reach puberty they are ready and only in the middle east (arabian territory) do you find you have to be married before you can even have sex.

So yeah, really a question of culture or morality or just like the kind of sex you have is it simply horses for courses in an ammoral cultureless society or indeed horses for courses within a moral and cultured social framework.

Incognito wrote: I dont think its a good idea and far from ideal to have children as a teenager. Not saying its impossible but far from ideal. Definately in theUK. My main reason is as a teenager you are not mentally mature enough. What a person is interested in and what they value at 17 is diffrent from 25/ and different again from 30 years old. You have far less patience (which is a virtue when dealing with children)/ and have less experince in life full stop. From the economic point of view you are far less likely to have a few pound in your back pocket to be able to have some choice in the environment your children grow up into. Unless you have a very supportive extended family/ which these days is less likely.

So while you have to take off your hat to those that have done it / and can look back and say they did a good job/ its not something I would wish on any child of mine neither would I be happy about it. For all the above reasons.

BTW I reproduced in my own image after25. I look at friends who had children very young (16/17)and their children are in the main good children. But it definately set the parents back.. especially as they had no skill/ neither had the option of stepping back from the working world to concentrate on studies/vocation.