Greetings Parents,

When your child/ren get older and start to ask questions about your past, do you think they have a right to know or is it better to withold certain information?

Apologies I think it would be better not to assume the reason.

Maat - I don't think the finer details are necessary but at the same time I would have no problems divulging such things if they asked....even encounters with women.
I've tried to lead by example...my career, my certifications, my house and my values are all things I wanted my children to have hard physical evidence of.

Know this African militant drilling education and ambition into his kids telling them to be a doctor or a lawyer and one of them asked how comes he didn't do it then....especially when his parents used to tell him the same thing. Makes me wonder what he's take would be if they squandered their careers on weed wine and women like he did. But if truth be told, the parents of the last generation were brainwashed ready to send us as lambs to the babylon slaughterhouse...but even then I've always been proof that the excuses he uses are bullsh!t...as I've proved the majority of them wrong...he's been looking to get even for years...that's where the ex wife came in

So yes, I wouldn't sell it to my children but if asked I'd tell them...my children are my friends more than anything else...I must be able to tell them about my triumphs as well as my failures - the story of them being born in wedlock, the divorce from their superficial mother, the enemies, them being raised as greys and me being deprived of my African family will be a classic tale to tell themniceone.gif

They have a right to know anything pertaining to them - at an age appropriate point.

They do not have a RIGHT to know all my personal bussiness, however, I've not done anything which I would be ashamed to tell my children if (when) asked.

Depends on a number of factors. But the main one would be is it relivant. Is it something that the child needs to know, is it something that could be used as a lesson on how not to make a mistake'

If the child wants to know how many women you have slept with then it's none of his damb bussiness, slap him around the head and send his @ss up to his room to do his homework.

Quote:

Is it something that the child needs to know

I think that is the most relevant pontto the question.

Hell no, as it'll show them the hypocrite I amsmoking-devil

Seriously though, I took No 1 Son to be assessed by a doctor for ADHD a few weeks ago. She was the one and only person who asked who else in the family behaved like he does. Upon quick reflection I had to whisper "me", to which she said "aaaah".

I'm now wondering if I suffer(ed) from ADHDconfused3?

People too often forget that children will grow up to be adults one day themselves. Got a brotha who has a safe with x-rated pictures of his babymother which he says must be kept away from the children at all costs. Another friend has just had to fess up that at the time she did not know who the father was...this is the result of the childcoming of age and now wanting to meet her family (cousins, uncles, grandparents etc) on her dads side. Another girl asked her dad was he aware that her mother was pregnant with her at the time.

Is it something the child needs to know is irrelevant when they actually come to you and ask you about it...they'll simply see it as you lied then and you lied now. It's no wonder that in times of comfort and reassurance many children don't see their parents as their first port of call.

Know one brotha who feels no way to say upfront that in her days his mum was a sl@g

Another father told his sons there are things he has done which he is not proud of but as boys they will grow, see and learn certain things for themselves.

Another man said it is better that he is seen as the deadbeat dad rather than have to tell the children about their wotless mother...the deadbeat ting he can take on the chin

Anyone here actually expects me to believe that they would tell their child anything the child asks about in regard to their (the parents) past, must think I was born yesterday. Yeah! Yeah!

These principles of flawless, never-give-it-a-second-thought honesty come easy typing at a computer screen, but in the cold light of day, when the kid does come asking about something which could have 'deep running consequences' it is another matter entirely.

Get outtaof here!

Respect

Backatya - hmm...guess there are things that make each and everyone of us individuals.....even within the children themselves....how many parents do not know their own children?

I'm kind of known for talking about everything and anything...things that most people class as secrets don't mean a thing to me....I tell it as it is. I would look forward to anticipating the questions asked by my childre...I would see this as a refelection of their own consciousness and an insight into what's going on in their minds and their lives.

In many cases, far from leading by example, it's better when you can advice which way not to go if you can say you have the experience of going that way yourself and seen it for what it is.

A rastafarian DJ raised a similar point about him advising youngsters to stay away from drugs yet as a rastafarian he openly admits to smoking weed. I'd tell my children anything they asked about, my life has been relatively unadulterated in the sense I haven't done nothing much I couldn't explain away...at worse all I'd be doing is admitting I'm human so I can't see the big deal.

MB - as I venture out into the open world I'm beginning to appreciate more this whole world of secret and lies where nothing is worth the paper it's written on. I'll be the first to admit I'm quite green when it comes to common social things.

If this forum is anything to go by then it's little wonder there is no trust among us....we gloss over the real stuff and when it comes to answering questions of morality we run down the path of least resistance by asking what's normal and who defines it. We want to live like liberal amoral greys without having earned the right to.

Incognito wrote:
@ Incognito

Why must a belief that "you do not need to tell your child everything about your past" equate with a world of 'secrets and lies'. That does not necessarily follow!

I can be totally honest with my children, which includes letting them know in no uncertain terms that a 'particular thing is none of their business' or 'not appropriate for them at this stage'.

As a parent it is my responsibility to assess, judge, determine, etc. what is best suited for my child and at what time. A responsibility carried out without the need for 'lies and secrecy' as you put it, but with a mature and sensible understanding of how things stay between a parent (adult) and a child (developing adult).

I am quite confident in my ability to balance the 'nurturing' of my children into responsible and morally aware adults, withthe 'appropriate' exposure to things theyneed to,or should, know.......and without turning them into sly, lying, deceitful beasts. confused3

Respect