I''ve been dating this woman and I really love her. When ever I'm down shes picks me up, she's like my lifevest in the river of life, she's my best friend. The only problem is she has two kids(by different men) and I dont like to be around kids. Thier constant whining and crying gets on my last nerve, when I'm around her kids I feels like all im doing is entertaining the kids. Part of me wants out part of me will always love her. what do I do?

Has anybody else been in this position?

BB..... get out, get out now she doesn't need you and you're clearly not ready for such responsiblity...

Your last nerve? heh.....you better make sure she never, ever sees this post friend!

Most women want kids. So if you don't like being around kids you don't want to be around any woman period. If you're expecting to be with a woman for the rest of your life she's going to want kids. So you really have no future with any woman.

To be honest she didn't hide the kids, I was just never really around them for more than a few minutes during the building stage. The children were always(when we had plans or were together) sleep or at the babysitter for the first 7 months. To answer your question when I gave that info I was hoping that maybe someone who had been in this situation would see it and be able to read between the lines(dealing with the drama from the 2 fathers). I'm not really interested in advice from "experts" I was just trying to hear from people who have been in this situation. Someone who has been in this position would understand all the things that you struggle with like how the vacations become family events vs. rest and relaxation and how romantic dinners become family supper.

No disrespect to anyone but little "she doesnt need me" posts are of no interest to me, I just thought that maybe someone else had been in this position.

Feels to me that what you have here is a friend and that is it. You can have a soul mate that don't mean they are your life partner. Clearly the love you have for her isn't unconditional, and that's fine because you recognise that you can't live with what comes with her in the familial sense. What you don't state is what you feel your intentions are e.g. whether you perceive her as a potential life partner and therefore want to live with her, or whether you just want her (and just her) without everything else that comes with it. Is your issue to do with how to deal with baby-father drama and would it matter whether the children were yours or not.

In terms of women and the comment made about wanting babies, that is a blanket statement and it is not true to say that all women will expect to have a baby with you. Not all people need their relationship to be endorsed by having a child together and certainly some people actually don't want to have children at all. What do you want in this regard?

You have find someone who you feel understands you, however, she doesn't appear to understand your needs with regard to children and in this case hers! Have you discussed this with her and is there a routine that enable you to have quality time together.

Pce

Fem

BruceBanner: you aint listening too good... there is no point in postering a question if all you want to read is advice that confirms your already set position....

You ave been given adviced by EXPERIENCED people, in my case I've been on BOTH sides of the arguement and my HONEST advice is to get out now..you aint ready and SHE does not need your insecurities this will be a car crash waiting to happen... If you want a childless female for a partner then get one..but don't try and make this relationship fit into your worldview it can't work..so once again I advise you to LEAVE her forthwith....

Ps.,.I'm damn sure you've been told this already away from this board, so my point to you is the TRUTH is TRUTH listen to it and yourself!!!

I've been in the situation.....bottom line is that most women with kids will expect you to love the kids as much as you love her. And if you don't, it will be evident to all, particularly the kids - and once they get that impression, you are sunk.

From what you've said, you are the one with the problem - so If you can't look at things differently, walk and walk soon. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be and the more resentment you'll generate. You make it sound as though you have yet to become a father......because if you were you would not need to ask the question......

Are you really expecting your lady friends' kids to come second to you in her life - particularly when you are not the father? Think you need to look hard at what you're doing here.....sugar-coating it will not help you.

Leave that chick...get one with no kids..or maybe one

you dont want to get mixed up in that shit...you only gonna be baby father No3


think of women like used cars...gotta check out this service history

think of women like used cars...gotta check out this service history[/quote]


That is cold. We all have a past and having children and past relationships is only one aspect of what makes us who we are today. Although a flippant remark, proposing that to check out a person's past is as simple as a car service history is offensive and disregards the complexities that surround us as human beings. Having two children for two different people isn't the sole domain of a women's past history and the context of the baby-fathers' behaviour hasn't been fully explained. At the end of the day, the woman in this scenario doesn't seem to the one under scrutiny here neither is She able to present her side of this 'love-affair' or even if she herself is as 'in-love' as brucebanner is. BB is in that early honeymoon faze where whether he likes it or not, nature's hormones are playing riot with his heads.

That is cold. We all have a past and having children and past relationships is only one aspect of what makes us who we are today. Although a flippant remark, proposing that to check out a person's past is as simple as a car service history is offensive and disregards the complexities that surround us as human beings. Having two children for two different people isn't the sole domain of a women's past history and the context of the baby-fathers' behaviour hasn't been fully explained. At the end of the day, the woman in this scenario doesn't seem to the one under scrutiny here neither is She able to present her side of this 'love-affair' or even if she herself is as 'in-love' as brucebanner is. BB is in that early honeymoon faze where whether he likes it or not, nature's hormones are playing riot with his heads.[/quote]

Thanks for giving that response..because if i had state the obvious above, no doubt i'd then be accused of egotistical behaviour...