Hey folks, I'm finding with regular consistency that many people do not know their dads side of their family (aunts, uncles, cousins etc) as much as they do their mums if at all - even where the dad is resident. Is this the case for you.

I think its up to the family to form a relationship with the child, not to wait for the father.

My uncle on my dad's side died recently and i couldn't get upset because I had never met him, even my children had met him, but for some reason my dad never took his own kids to see him at all.

My children spend the summer abroad with their paternal grandmother now, after years of her waiting for their dad to bring them round she decided to approach me herself. Their aunts babysit, their cousins have them on weekends. Nothing to do with their father, not sure if he is even aware at the regularity that his kids see his family.

Same with my brothers children, I keep in touch with my nieces and nephews, those who are old enough to have a phone and the younger ones get invited down for weekends at least twice a year.

Yes we are very tight indeed though we scattered all over the world we take time out to see each other but its not been easy with folks being more busy and responsible....we practically grew up round each other.....

one more thing our parents have real bitter squabble but us the offsprings have promised not to go that route that might explain why we civil with each other...my moms side is the complete opposite they get on just fine and always get things done...i would say my Dads family is like Africa and Moms side like Europe veery together if you catch my drift

Melissa - admiral.

BP - yeah have to say the cases I encounter it seems to be a shortcoming of the dad to actually do the acquainting. Just seems strange. If I had my way my boys would meet my side of the family every week. I go and see my mum every Sunday and would try and make sure uncles siblings nieces and nephews were all there.

I kind of saw it as something I didn't want to continue with the next generation but alas I aint into playing tug of war with the yoot dem.

The immediate part of my dad's side and my family don't really get on period. My fathers brothers and sisters don't even respect him let alone my family - there's civil and sometimes polite conversation when we are in the same room but thats where it stops.


Growing up when I met my mothers family over the years I have found them good people to talk to - ambitious people who work hard for what they have and always have a good word. Can't say the same for members of the other side - there is very little sense of family cohesion on that side and it has filtered down to the next generation. Probably best highlighted by my younger cousin's wedding when it seemed the family although (politely) invited - were largely ignored on the day.

Because women are the main caregivers, it is easier to get to know her side of the family. When realtionships break up sometimes children become the tools by which adults hurt each other. e.g. you're not seeing the children or the man not only breaks up with the woman but also with his children.
It's the man's responsibility to introduce his children to his family. Lots of kids are walking around and don't know the identity of their paternal relatives. They could even be dating their paternal cousins or worse still their half siblings. Also most people see the terms aunt, uncle, grandmother as just a name when in fact it is a title that requires an action, it is a responsibility and a role.
A lot of kids will say that they don't like their paternal relatives and that is mainly because they don't know them and cannot identify with them. On the other hand, many of those relatives don't even know of the child's existance or didn't care to know. Years ago you could see a child on the streets and know that it was your relative. Now-adays you could be seen that same individual on a daily basis and not have a clue that you have some blood connection.

As well as nature taking it's course, i think fathers have also been too lazy in making sure their children are connected to their paternal sides. My brother makes no effort at all for his children to know us. Yet this is the same man who once said that children BELONGS to the MAN....even though his culture says something different.....lol....the way we are so quick to adapt to any culture is amazing...lol

I have had to make all the necessary steps to keep in touch with his wife and so the children, i don't even bother calling him....i just go straight to the wife.

My aunties on my dad's side were really amazing, but then again it's my dad's culture that helped, we have a weird and brilliant culture where women are like the heads of the families....so we HAD to know them because they were always around telling me dad off all the time....lol

Nope, not close to anyone on my dad's side of the family and don't intend to be either.

Interesting. I might know a relative or two on my dads side but I know they don't know me. If I was to see them on the street I'd be like 'that man over there is my uncle' and that would be it.

There are also cases where the dad is generally an unwelcome presence in the household, especially where he may have been one of those old school disciplinarians and the knock on effect is nobody wants anything to do with him or his side of the family and likewise this feeling will be mutual from his perspective.

Sad as the more people I meet, where before i would have been looking to share stories of growth it's like, 'so what's your story' and people are getting acquainted and finding friendship based on harsh realities more than unity and harmony.

The family structure has taken a severe battering, even someone getting married now is astonishing news - it's like the way we are living now is as good as it is going to get to the degree many probably wouldn't even have recognised anything as being odd.

My dad was round last night and was telling me about his family. I have over 20 brothers and sisters scattered around. The few I've met I keep in touch with. Yesterday though was about history and it was truly fascinating. I spoke to cousins I didn't know existed in Miami and Atlanta, and a brother in Jamaica he forgot to tell me about. A truly emotional evening.