Bad behaviour in classrooms is blamed on indulgent parents - Telegraph

I can say hand on heart that I've never been one to be wrong and strong with my children, when it comes to misbehaving at school.. And form of disrespect towards adults is strictly punished in my house.. and further I definately do not go to the school to defending BAD behaviour..

However sadly the same cannot be said for many BLACK parents whom i have observed, who at time take things to extreme and want to be confronting teachers even it is obvious that it is their children who are at fault...

So truthfully do you defend your children even when you know they are wrong... Should always defend BLAck CHILDREN in a WHITE system regardless?

K - I found this article quite interesting. What people commonly define as being spoilt I would probably be guilty of when it came to my own children in that everything I own is theirs and I make them know this...just a trip to Sainsbury's to buy groceries I have to bring something back especially for them....everyday is their birthday and everyday is Christmas where they get even more on their birthday and Christmas.

Everything I didn't have as a child growing up I made sure if my children went without it wasn't because I couldn't afford it where the natural thing to do there is to preach to them about not being greedy and scapegoating the starving in Africa as a means of disguising my own failures.

But it has always been my philosophy that freedom is only as free as the discipline that goes with managing that freedom. This philosophy went hand in hand with 'spoiling' my children, they aint spoiled, they're my boys, they can have anything as long as they accept the discipline that goes with it.

An example of the discipline was where I was just teaching my eldest son that every year he must give away his excess toys and clothes to children less privileged than him. I wanted this to be ingrained in all my children and specifically donating to those starving in Africa but alas the mother had her own ideas

Also tried very hard to ensure my children didn't tell me lies or as I put it there is nothing they can break or no wrong they can do that is bigger than telling me lies. This was especially important because when the system and racist teachers are ready to sell them out I'm the only one who has their back, if they lie to me then I won't be able to defend them.

We should not defend our childrens' bad behaviour because it is the white system which is likely causing the bad behaviour. We need to teach them that two wrong's don't make a right.

Black children are perceived to be 'bad' as soon as they enter the school and have to prove themselves to be the opposite whilst getting an education. Jimmy and Julie would get a slap on the wrist for the same things that Shae and Shereen would get suspended for. Our kids see this, and their bad behaviour is often a protest of this inequality.

I have had people tell me "I went down the school and cuss of the teacher because you know they are racist". Like the cussing is somehow going to scare these people into being liberal!?

Then you get the ones who go down the school and cuss of the child infront of the teachers so they look like they are 'good parents' not advocating the bad behaviour. Both play into the hands of the teachers.

White kids don't have any discipline because their parents are scared of them, our kids are copying them because their parents are still allowing them to believe that white is right, and unfortunately, some black parents see keeping up with the whiteys as more importnat than the negative messages they are sending to their kids.

As far as spoiling the kids, i do that all day every day. I also over indulge with love, education and discipline. As long as they are behaving as i expect and have taught them, and their schoolwork is at the standard i have set, they can have anything they want.

Some of my so called friends love to tell me that i am bringing up my kids wrong by spending money on them, why do they only see the Wii and Playstation 3 i buy them and not the high grades, polite manner and good behaviour???

I have seen this sort of situation played out so many times, even in primary schools.

Remember back in the day when we would have got a beating just because the school contacted home, regarless of who was right or wrong.

During my sons first parents evening, we told the Headmaster, deputy, house head and all individual subject teachers that if there was any issues, no matter how slight with our sons behaviour towards them they were to phone us on the day and inform our son what we had said. We even gave each of them contact numbers. But since then there have been a couple of incidents that have made me wish we hadn't been so insistent.

Just a couple of weeks ago I recieved a call from a very very young (and I picked up nervous teacher) Apparently my son had been "s******ing at him". As I wasn't at work that day and the school is literally across the road I told him I would be over during their break period.

Turned out that an incident had occured between the teacher and another pupil that the whole class had found amusing and had openly laughed at. My son knowing better had attempted to surpress his amusment resulting in him 's******ing'

To be honest I had to bite my tongue not to laugh myself and tell the man not to phone me again on any account, but my son was present. I did however have a word with the head about the teachers behaviour. Clearly he had lost control of a situation and his only source of power was getting my son into trouble. Who had nothing to do with the incident. What I found interesting was that although he had both mine and his fathers contact numbers he only phoned me. Even though we'd made it clear that we were not a couple and we were both to be contacted seperately.

Talking to my son later that evening it was clear that my son had lost respect for the teacher. I had to explain to him how some teachers (particularly young recently qualified middle class) were intimidated by black youths in inner city schools and how this impacted on them. We had a good talk that night and I learnt a lot from him about many of the teachers in his school.

In another incident during his first year at school he'd recived detention from a Black teacher. The school sends out a sheet for detention with box's to tick explaining the reason for the detention for example; lateness, no homework, poor homework, behaviour ect.

Anyway this one teacher had ticked practically every box and my son was adament that it was just over homework. So I phoned the school and asked the teacher call me back. Which she did within an hour but I missed the call and informed the school to get her to phone me back again, practically giving my work rota.

A week later and several calls this teacher had still not called me back. The deputy was all apologetic telling me that it was unusual for this teacher. Anyway end of week I am passing the school at the end of the day so decieded, if the mountain won't come to Mohammed. 25mins later this teacher comes down to reception with another Black male teacher as escort to speak to me, while the head and deputy were loitering in the office(think I didn't see them) Clearly they were expecting trouble.

You could see the relief in them when I came across all friendly and apologetic for just turning up. But explained that if my son was to be punished at home I needed to know what it was he'd done. Turned out that it was just over homework and she'd got pen happy ticking the boxes. But I had to reasure them with my banter that I was not the tyype of parent to fly of the handle before I got that out of her.

In this years parents evening we have decieded to have a talk with all the teachers as to what we consider contactable offences LOL

For real... what is S******

ooh I can't stand parents like these.
They pacify their children so that they can stand them the few hours they have to spend with them, then leave the rest of us to deal with the damages.

There was this situation at work when a black mother came in with her bad kids--they were screaming, running, climbing up ladders, playing with thousands of dollars worth of equipment--etc

well...
one of the children were crying for some chocolate that they'd picked off of the shelf--I work at an upper-scale creative design and arts store and this was no 25cent piece of chocolate--So the mother picks the chocolate that she took away back up and hands it back to the child to make him quiet. The chocolate is near the front counter and the child was screaming his head off so we saw all of this going on.
By the time she got to the front to pay of course the child had unwrapped the chocolate and was half-way done eating it.
My co-worker (white) asked "what about that" after she rang everything else up. The mother then asks "How much is it?" when she's told the price she immediate starts up--"oh no no. He picked that up and started eating it. I aint payin for that"
My co-worker is the type to not back down even though she doesn't look it (she's a tiny little white girl) and said, "Mamn, I saw you hand him the chocolate so I'd assumed you were intending to buy it"
-"Well I wasn't going to buy it. I was going to give it to you when we got here to put back"

long story shorter, the woman never paid, she called the manager and accused my co-worker of being racist. co-worker got written up then quit that same day because she was so angry with the situation. I didn't like the girl so it was blessing the woman went to her station instead.
Irony is the woman paid for about $50 dollars worth of merchandise with a return card of stolen items worth over $200.

I know I won't be that type of parent. The dog doesn't even get fed until she sits patiently and waits for it. I'm a sergeant!

So truthfully do you defend your children even when you know they are wrong...

No I don't defend my children whenever they have misbehaved at school. I ususally question why the misbehaving has taken place but always listen to their side of the story when teacher raises anything - in front of the teacher too so it's dealt with there and then or at the parents evening when there's more time to focus on how the children are doing. I listen to the childrens' version because I've also seen and experienced too many teachers who just don't have childrens' learning and interest at heart it's "just a job" to them and it can often be done very carelessly. On the flip side I've also seen instances when the parent has been really hard on their child believing everything the teacher tells them when the teacher has blown the story of events out of proportion to save themselves form any blame!

Reading and being aware of the additional unrealistic expectations and pressures the government puts on teachers doesn't help the situation either but parents could help their children by paying an active role and more interest in their childs education at home and recognize that it's not all about play play every minute. The system is just to lose to rely on it that alone these days.

Should always defend BLAck CHILDREN in a WHITE system regardless?

It depends on whether the race is an issue at the time for example when we had the petition last year about wanting our history to be recognised and taught on the national curriculum and requesting for When we ruled to be made the set book to accompany that. Having more of us teaching is also an element I'd like to think has been considered and implemented - which reminds to look out for an update on how that went.

I mean we all know of certain obstacles that stand in the way within the system anyway but sometimes it's just the messed up system itself and all children unfortuanetly are at the receiving end. I suppose if and when we come across events that prove our children are being treated unfairly then defend them yes!

A surpressed laugh=s-igger (not using the letter n