Hey Bnv
A question really for those with sons nephews or those who interreact with young boys on a formal level daily

I have debates all the time about boys and whether certain behaviour should be encouraged or discouraged.

My 1st is almost 3 he generally is not a child that plays rough. however he has no fear and enjoys company of older kids and will climb any heights and generally doesnt know his own danger so to speak. Like any toddler he will cry when he doesnt get his own way or what he wants etc. his dad says oh stop going on like a girl you cry too much. (jamaicans for you)

when i see him interract with other kids, one thing i do pick up on is his cousin of the same age is what men like to see their sons behave. he will pull girls hair hit slap bite headlock other kids etc. on one occasion he and my son got on until he started to tickle him and my son got upset telling him no but he carried on and his parents said nothing. so i intervened. of course his cousins mum rolled her eyes but the way i see it my son was not having fun and after a few minutes of being told no i had to say something.

i always get accused of smothering my son and being too attentive or too fussy. but i generally like to see where he is what he is doing and that he is happy. if another child is bothering him for fun and their parents say nothing i will say something especially if the child is older.

i have seen that because of interactions with friends and family and nursery kids he lashes out and he will slap and scream at other kids when really pushed

i dont encourage badness
but i keep being told by both men and women that boys are meant to play rough. that boys will be boys and boys playing rough and tough is good for them

oh yeah sometimes if he cant get to watch what he wants or he is not enjoying other kids company he will just go and play by himself or do something else

his reports from nursery regarding social skills are always good and all the kids know his name.

what do you think? after all he is only 2yrs almost 3yrs old
he has friends that he never argues with or anything bad and they just share everything and get along nicely.

how do you ensure your boy will grow into a man of honor and not just a boys will boys attitude

Do what you think is right don't listen to anyone eles.

I mean come on do you really believe your nephews behaviour is acceptable? That child is going to have problems when he gets to school.

yeah thats true

It is possible you are smothering him too much because you interject when he has problems with his cousins he may not know or realise the correct way to handle this situation, so when met with this outside of the house he lashes out as you said.

I don't believe in the 'boys will be boys' mantra but i do think that kids should be allowed to naturally build their own defences and not have us to fight their battles all the time. At 2 he is a bit young still so I see why you act the way you do, I'm sure I did the same, I'd just allow him some more space to deal with the situations himself and talk him into it.

With the regards to what happened with your nephew, i'd have left my son knowing he would eventually lash out, that older kid has to learn what happens when you mess with people, admitedly not the best course of action!

Nothing comes befor my boys, it's the mums you have to worry about...oops, sorry, another relapse...pilss, pills, where's my medication...

Got a white friend who says when his daughter is naughty she will be deliberate with this and go over to the naughty step by herself without any parental intervention.

Ladyday - the reality is you will never be able to instill in your kids evrything they need to prepare them for evry eventuality in life and in many ways trying to shield them from the rest of the world is a bigger detriment especially if they are growing in an environment/area where ruggedness is part of the territory. I was in Broadwater Farm the other day and even the little white boys had a ruggedness to them, you can see it in just the way the play, my boys would be out of their depth, they'd be too simple and in cases too well mannered....but these are the people they will be growing up with and sharing school time with.

I know two brothers who grew up together and one was pet and powdered to the hilt, was never short of anything yet he ended up going down with this lot...

Seven jailed for armed robberies - Metropolitan Police Service

The scary thing now is many single mums are raising these boys. One friend swallowed his pride to stay with his babymother because he said on her own she's raising their boy to be a pu$$yhole.

I used to have play fights with my boys all the time, this is just one subliminal input dads play in indirectly preparing their sons for the real world. Teaching them how to lose and accepting failure and knowing how to bounce back is also key as opposed to a lot of superficial 'your the best in all aspects' I see many mothers (especially) but fathers as well teaching their kids.

I was under the impression that Ladyday lived with her partner

..so why would you change that impression.

I do live with my hubs

yes i do undertsand but I do not interject all the time. If my son asks for my help and comes to me in distress I am not going to ignore him

he does hit back i have seen him hitting other kids at parties and he seemed really p'd off and they were older than him.

its all about balance. i guess

but it doesnt help when his dad just brushes his cries off like that and not just talk with him re-assure him. his tears could be his distress signal

melissa - I'd go further and say grandparents are priceless in many cases. Also seen enough situations where children of your friends could do with simply coming round yours to chill for a bit on some child swap flex maybe. There is enough experience to catch the lose canons we just need to learn the bigger picture instead of popping style on each other