‘Dedication to 2004’

My mind keeps floating
Away from want seems to be the norm
Taking with it every decent memory in my keep safe
Finding it hard to focus
Slowly finding myself disappearing
And replacing me is
Fear
Pain
Insecurities
Low self esteem

Paranoia
Takes control
Looking back on who I used to be
Is now only somewhat of a dream

How did I ever get so deep into this state
When did I let myself go into this pool of insanity

I never realized then that it was a crime to love
To cherish
To want so much of you

Blood on my hands
I keep rinsing it off but the more I rinse the more the blood sinks in
It seems the only person this ordeal is affecting is me
BUT why me
When you were the one who embraced
The idea of death
And with force shoved it into my reality
Causing it to become tormented and choked

Could the same person who was giving me so much pleasure
Be you, who has brought me this endless trail of pain that has left me
DEPRESSED!!

Written by Yaya
21/02/07