Money - Why is Everyone so Secretive..

Incognito · (#1 (**permalink**))

...................?

Maat · (#2 (**permalink**))

Explain.....

Incognito · (#3 (**permalink**))

Maat - why is how much you have, or how much you earn such a taboo subject, even between couples. Especially at work though, money and your salary is like this big mystery. what for?

Afriki · (#4 (**permalink**))

Everytime I go out with an old friend I have to pretend I'm tapped. If she knew what I had in the bank account she would find a way to get me to pay for her drinks, to get into the club, etc.

There are always people under you with their hands out waiting to catch what you have and people like to judge based on what you make or how much you have.

I'm the opposite of most people. Some people buy nice things on credit or dress up in couture but have ni in the bank, all just to appear one way.
Me, I feign brokeness so people leave me the hell alone and know not to ask me for NOTHIN.

Maat · (#5 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognito

Maat - why is how much you have, or how much you earn such a taboo subject, even between couples. Especially at work though, money and your salary is like this big mystery. what for?

I would imagine that they/we have either too much or too little which limits the amount we can actually do. The rich/poor divide is getting bigger and I suppose what you earn determines which side of the divide you're on - not that you would have much after being taxed left right and centre!! Then there's the judgements that come with all that.....

I recall you added a link to another thread from Psychologies or something which I thought was really good. It was with regard to couples and attitudes to money. There were some interesting points on there about why couples have probs when addressing this area.

Maat · (#6 (**permalink**))

LOL @ Afriki

Incognito · (#7 (**permalink**))

Maat - yeah I think it's a status thing where the intention is you keep everyone guessing what your status is. I can understand it to a certain degree in the workplace but amongst friends and family who know and see everyday how you are living, even more so a spouse, I can't see what it is in aid of.

Why secret salaries are a baaaaaad idea

Afriki - experience and hindsight are precious commodoties

Maat · (#8 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognito

Maat - yeah I think it's a status thing where the intention is you keep everyone guessing what your status is. I can understand it to a certain degree in the workplace but amongst friends and family who know and see everyday how you are living, even more so a spouse, I can't see what it is in aid of.

Why secret salaries are a baaaaaad idea

Afriki - experience and hindsight are precious commodoties

Status really makes me feel uneasy. When it comes to work, friends or family. I suppose like Afriki says, to avoid those who want to take advantage of your money playing like you have none cuts all that out!

With couples I suppose it depends on past relationship. I've often heard people complain about who is spending who's money because they don't want to provide for the other half when they had to provide for the past other half and ended up with empty purse/wallet! The problem with that is that is the expectations of each person on how that money will be managed. If the expectations and value placed on the money are different then clashes are likely to happen.

Will have a read later on that link you added.

Incognito · (#9 (**permalink**))

Maat - I experienced debt and relative high rolling at quite an early age and it put money into perspective for me...I couldn't believe this thing taht was coming relatively easily was what everybody was going mad and killing themself over....I couldn't relate to how people were starving and suffering while others have all this money sitting in bank accounts...to me that money was serving no purpose.

As such I became quite liberal with mine, I just saw it as a tool to get through life, nothing to treasure more than that. I had a friend who said his girlfriend owed him over 1k and I couldn't understand it. My attitude was if I give money to the girl who is meant to be my woman, she doesn't owe that to me if she is my woman that money is ours. Big big mistake believing everybody else thought like that or even learned to think like that based on my own attitude. I soon realised i'm there spending off all my dough on and with people who have got there's under lock and key.

Even the last few years living at mums I was working saving the minimum of 1k a month and you'd be surprised to hear stories from people who reckon how much money they gave me to do this and do that. Even tramps I lent/gave money to fix their min cabs end up turning round telling people where I got money to buy my childrens/family house...and even worse tramps watching how you spend the money you worked for and earned like it's their money you're spending.

But yeah, I've come to realise this money thing is quite serious. At one stage I used to say maybe it's because these people didn't have the same debt/high rolling experience I did as a youth but then I know more who had the same and more and nothing was in their conscience to make them stop or take a breath for fresh air. It's like money really is peoples god.

Afriki - there's a saying that goes always borrow money from a pessimist, because they won't be expecting it back. I feel your pain, some big time ginals are out there. I had one friend tell me that I love my hifi so I should respect money because it's the money that bought it for me where I told him no, it's my skill in my trade that earned the money that made me buy the hifi so it's that what I respect and what I respect in others who have a bit of dough behind them i.e. the skills it took to earn it.

Kunjufu · (#10 (**permalink**))

Now as a BLACK man I have learnt not to discuss salaries with anyone least of all, Europeans.... I know the moment I'm stupid enough to tell them how much i earn and they find out that i earn more than them shit dun hit the fan.....

And the same goes for discussing cars, houses or anything that might give the impression that you are doing 'better' than your counterparts...trouble trouble trouble...

Now i wish i could say that this was reserved just for white, however these days even Blacks get stupid if they feel your leaving them behind and they too look to f.uck you up!!!

Incognito · (#11 (**permalink**))

K - yeah man, the work ting is serious, too right you can't even make them know you drive, hell and powder house, the first thing they want to know is how much they are paying you and it really goes to show how you are looked upon as a black man.

the friend thing I found it doesn't even take money, some of them just need to know you have a career....they're even more surprised and baffled than the Europeans. and yep, have to bring you down or even better see you with a non European as a spouse, anything to justify why they aint there with you as opposed to the fact they aint there because they haven't got what it takes to have the choice to be there.

Maat · (#12 (**permalink**))

Quote:

Originally Posted by Incognito

K - yeah man, the work ting is serious, too right you can't even make them know you drive, hell and powder house, the first thing they want to know is how much they are paying you and it really goes to show how you are looked upon as a black man.

the friend thing I found it doesn't even take money, some of them just need to know you have a career....they're even more surprised and baffled than the Europeans. and yep, have to bring you down or even better see you with a non European as a spouse, anything to justify why they aint there with you as opposed to the fact they aint there because they haven't got what it takes to have the choice to be there.

It's the bringing down thing I experienced. The judgement and assumption is annoying. What makes it worse is that THEY are the ones who put YOU above them, when they know you are moving up and so is your income. They say people change when they have more money but I never expected people who are supposed to know you change also because of it. It doesn't make sense!! The more I earn the more I think I might just dress like a bum and beg a pound or two outside the nearest bank just to style it out!!

Reading the article made me realize that I wasn't actually aware of salaries being secret. One thing that may be an indicator is that apparently men are still earning more than women. In most cases I've seen though, salaries are made public when a job is advertised or internally (Intanet) on the payscale breakdown.

facetygal · (#13 (**permalink**))

I'm not secretive about money, I'll shout it from the rooftops that I'm broke "SAY IT LOUD I'M BLACK, BROKE AND PROUD"! I'm so broke I had to get me a job that gives staff a 2 course gourmet meal for free everyday, so thats my lunch and dinner covered whoo hoo! No man don't wanna marry me cos if it ends in divorce they'll get half of nothing, but I'll leave with half of something!