Forgiveness

liberiangirl · (#1 (**permalink**))

I was reading an article the other day on forgiveness and it got me thinking.

The usual reasons as to why someone would forgive are:

1) It helps you let go of the anger and resentment holding you down

2) not forgiving someone gives them power over you

3) It frees you

Some of the reasonsome peopledont forgive are:

1) If the person you forgave keeps on commiting the same wrong again and again.

2)that someone has commited you or do you believe that there are some things that are simply unforgivable.

So do you guys believe in that forgivness should be for everything, or do you think that some things are not to be forgiven?

Incognito · (#2 (**permalink**))

Find it impossible to hold malice. In the past I've found i may no speak to somene but can't remember why. I don't believe I consciously forgive. I also believe there is an inferiority complex where we are quick to forgive white people but not ourselves and we show no humility towards each other but are quick to bow to babylon.

liberiangirl · (#3 (**permalink**))

cognito..... I thought you were leaving, what happened?

Gmahogany · (#4 (**permalink**))

I don't think forgiveness is always in order. Some things are not forgiveable. It depends on a lot of things. Are we talking about forgiving someone for talking about you behind your back/steals from you/cheats on you, or someone who kills your loved one/tries to kill u? Are we talking about forgiving them in the sense of not actively seeking revenge, or inviting them to your house for dinner? I think people throw the term around a lot, without really thinking about what it means. Like back in the 60's for example. Forgive/love your enemy, blah blah blah. I don't think lack of forgiveness is always about holding malice or having some burning hatred against someone, I think it can be about feeling that balance needs to be restored and it needs to be made clear that the offending behavior won't be tolerated, it's not necessarily emotional for me. In my mind, certain actions necessitate certain consequences, NOT having that occur, causes me distress. Once it occurs, I'm straight, lol.

Peacemaker · (#5 (**permalink**))

liberiangirl wrote:

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So do you guys believe in that forgivness should be for everything, or do you think that some things are not to be forgiven?

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I have no intention of forgiving anybody. Everybody deserves what they get.

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Forgiveness is not the catalyst for change in a person.

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Forgiveness doesn't even offer the understanding to a person on how to change for the better.

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Forgiveness is not anall powerful toolthat would make a person change in the first place.

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Forgiveness is just a sympathic reaction.

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Understanding far outweights any forgivenessanyone might offer.

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If all the people had understanding then forgiveness wouldn't even exist.

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However if someone has undesirable characteristics and knows itthus demonstrates that they are making an effort to enact a change within themselves and their lifesthen I wouldn't shun them, in fact I'd probably offer some assistance. Ifcontray to thatI would have little to do with them since I don't want undesirables in my atmosphere, since they would prove distruptive to my life.

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Forgiving people is simply another way of saying that I want more of this in my life. Kind of like the battered wife constantly forgiving the abuser, hoping for a change that seldom manifests.

HatHaruhotep · (#6 (**permalink**))

Im Hotep Nubian People,

I'm tired of hearing all of this forgiveness talk. I'm sick of the worn out cliche that says if you do not forgive a person, you are giving thempower over you. I've found in my life that that is just not the way it works.

The Wolof have a saying that goes, "God will not destroy a people whom one hates." This is the reality of the situation. As long as we hold hatred in our hearts towards any person, God leaves them to be a temptation for us. Anger is an inroad for much of thecorrosive energy that causes pain in our lives. If you want to see the people who have done you wrong suffer, then purge your heart of the hate. Know that what they did to you was and always will be wrong, but know also that you have a choice. You can feed the evil that was done to you with your own precious energy, walking around spitting and cursing every time you think of what they did. Or you can turn your face towards the future. Concentrate on making your life better and reaching the goals that you have which have nothing to do with that individual. One day, maybe a year later or even ten years later, you will be in conversation with a mutual friend or relative and they will tell you that the person was walking down the street one day and a bus ran them over. Then when the paramedics tried to come and jumpstart their heart, a bolt of lightning hit the machine and it fried their skin off. Now you have gone on with your life, but the person who wronged you will look like Freddy Kruger and wear diapers for the rest of their life. And you will have your revenge without having dirtied your hands or your heart.

Mer en Sekhmet

Gmahogany · (#7 (**permalink**))

I think that not seeing one who has wronged you, get their comeuppance is what does the damage to you, not the desire to see them get their comeuppance, which is why I believe in proactively helping them GET their comeuppance,lol. That way you're not just passively waiting around for the universe to do it for you. At any rate, I think James Brown's take on the issue said it best:

James Brown - The Payback Lyrics

hey! Gotta gotta pay back!! (The big payback)
Revenge!! I`m mad (the big payback)
Got to get back! Need some get back!! Pay Back! (the big payback)
That`s it!! Payback!!! Revenge!!!
I`m mad!!

Get down with my girlfriend, That ain`t right!!
Hollarin` cussin`, you wanna fight
Payback is a thing you gotta see
Brother do any damn thing to me

Sold me out, for chicken change (yes you did!!)
Told me that they, they had it all arranged
You handed me down, and thats a fact
Now you`re pumped, You gotta get ready For the big payback!! (the big
payback!!)
That`s where I am, the big payback (the big payback!!)

I can do wheelin`, I can do dealin` (yes you can!!) But I don`t do no damn
squealin`
I can dig rappin`, I`m ready!! I can dig scrappin`
But I can`t dig that backstabbin` (Oh No!!)

The brother get ready!! Thats a fact!!
Get ready you Mother, for the big payback (The big Payback!!)
Let me hit `em hit`em!! Hey Hey!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Took my money, you got my honey
Don`t want me to see what you doing to me
I got to get back I gotta deal with you!! (4xs) Hey let me tell ya!!
Get down with my woman, that ain`t right! You hollarin` and cussin`, you wanna
fight!!
Don`t do me no darn favor,
I don`t know karate, but I know KA-RAZOR!!!! (yes we do!!)

Get ready thats a fact, Get ready you Mother for the big payback (the big
payback!)
Hey!! I`m a man! I`m a man! I`m a son of a man, but don`t they tell ya that
poppa can
Get ready for the big payback (the big payback!!) Hit `em again!!
Get ready I need it, I need a hit again!! Say it once (3xs) Hit `em
again!!
(the big payback!!) Sold me out for chicken change
Said my woman had it all arranged
Tryin` to make a deal, she wants to squeal But I had my boys on a hill
Saw me comin`, told a lie Went down like she wanted to cry
I don`t care what she does, you'll be doin` just like she was
Take those kids and raise them up, show em how to drink out a righetous cup
Take her, take that woman, it`s one place she found
Just run that mother out of town!!
Make her get up, make her get up and get out!! (2xs)
I`m mad!! I want revenge, I want revenge (the big payback!!) I want revenge
(3xs)
(the big payback!!) Give me those hits!! I want some hits!! I need those
hits, hit me!![code]smoking-devil

zaghawa · (#8 (**permalink**))

liberiangirl wrote:

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I was reading an article the other day on forgiveness and it got me thinking.

The usual reasons as to why someone would forgive are:

1) It helps you let go of the anger and resentment holding you down

2) not forgiving someone gives them power over you

3) It frees you

Some of the reasonsome peopledont forgive are:

1) If the person you forgave keeps on commiting the same wrong again and again.

2)that someone has commited you or do you believe that there are some things that are simply unforgivable.

So do you guys believe in that forgivness should be for everything, or do you think that some things are not to be forgiven?

Quote:

Forgiveness, in its truest form, is psychologically being able to move past a situation that has caused one injury.

Not only does it comprise the aspect of no longer holding resentment against the individual or individuals who wronged us but it is predicated on being able to attain a compensation and a restoration ofour pride which allows us to move forward with our lives.

Revenge and forgiveness are both attempts to do the same thing. To alleviate ourselves of the resentment that we feel and to act as a compensation and restore our pride from the injury that we have sustained.

A person who is not able to do this, one way or another, usually goes through life embittered by some event that he canâ€™t â€œshake offâ€?. That is the purpose of forgiveness â€¦ and interestingly enough, it is also the purpose of revenge. The purpose is to shake off the event and gain a psychological compensation.

There are many people who say they have forgiven â€¦ but they havenâ€™t. As far as revenge is concerned, that doesnâ€™t always work either.

How many 30 year olds do you know who still blame their parents for their rotten lives. These people have not been able to â€œshake offâ€? the past. They are haunted by these deamons until they find a way to get past it and achieve some kind of compensation. Whether they revenge themselves, or they are able to forgive, they will probably be stuck in bitterness and in the past. They will blame some event in the present on â€œI had a bad childhoodâ€?.

People who attempt forgivenessorrevengeare both attempting to do the same thing in different ways.

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And just because you have forgiven somebody doesn't mean you have to be around them. That is beside the point.

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ChubbiChix · (#9 (**permalink**))

Peacemaker wrote:

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liberiangirl wrote:

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So do you guys believe in that forgivness should be for everything, or do you think that some things are not to be forgiven?

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I have no intention of forgiving anybody. Everybody deserves what they get. Lol

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Forgiveness is not the catalyst for change in a person.

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Forgiveness doesn't even offer the understanding to a person on how to change for the better.

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Forgiveness is not anall powerful toolthat would make a person change in the first place.

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Forgiveness is just a sympathic reaction.

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Understanding far outweights any forgivenessanyone might offer.

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If all the people had understanding then forgiveness wouldn't even exist.

Very well said, forgiveness more often then not puts you in a position for it to happen again since your repeating the same insane action and thats trusting them.

Lucas... · (#10 (**permalink**))

Mmmmmm
forgiveness is the easy part
...forgetting is the hard part

Backatya · (#11 (**permalink**))

zaghawa wrote:

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Forgiveness, in its truest form, is psychologically being able to move past a situation that has caused one injury.

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I don't agree. I am more than able to move on from a situation without ever forgiving the wrong doer. The fact that I don't forgive them doesn't mean that I thoughts of them burning in hell constantly occupy my mind. It just means I don't think they have atoned (within their heart) enough to be forgiven.

Not only does it comprise the aspect of no longer holding resentment against the individual or individuals who wronged us but it is predicated on being able to attain a compensation and a restoration ofour pride which allows us to move forward with our lives.

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Sorry, but I think that is psycho-babble mish mash. One can choose not to forgive whilst at the same time choosing not to hold resentment. Really it is not that hard. It is about being assured within yourself and understanding the true nature of forgiveness.

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You see to forgive is not simply an act of 'letting go'. It is the acknowledgement that you are prepared to reinstate the wrongdoer to the position they held in your thoughts/life/affection or whatever,before they did you wrong. Try looking at forgiveness that way and then ask yourself 'who in your life you have truly forgiven?'

Revenge and forgiveness are both attempts to do the same thing. To alleviate ourselves of the resentment that we feel and to act as a compensation and restore our pride from the injury that we have sustained.

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Sorry, more psycho-babble in my view. Revenge is basically an attempt to 'get even' i.e. to give pain back. Completely different to forgiveness. Some people may believe that they need to forgive in order to let go of resentment, but that is because they don't really understand the true nature of forgiveness or because they in someway feel guilty about their feelings toward the one who did them wrong.

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A person who is not able to do this, one way or another, usually goes through life embittered by some event that he canâ€™t â€œshake offâ€?.

Embitteredness is not caused by the inability to forgive. It is caused by the inability to put into perspective the various harsh things that happen in our lives as well as not having the knowledge and understanding that we are much more than the feelings we allow to dominate our psyche.

That is the purpose of forgiveness â€¦ and interestingly enough, it is also the purpose of revenge. The purpose is to shake off the event and gain a psychological compensation.

No, No, No. That is not the purpose of forgiveness. In fact forgiveness has no purpose. Itis somethingthathappens when all the factors neccessary for its occurance are present. The mere saying of "Iforgive" in response to a wrong that has been done against you, is about as useless as saying "I amfull" when you are starving for not having eaten for 3 days. Saying it does not make it so. When all the conditions are right, it will be. But as I said before, it comes down to understanding the true nature of forgiveness. Very fewpeople do.

There are many people who say they have forgiven â€¦ but they havenâ€™t.

Precisely. And why do you think that is?

As far as revenge is concerned, that doesnâ€™t always work either.

There you go again, mixing oranges and pears.

How many 30 year olds do you know who still blame their parents for their rotten lives. These people have not been able to â€œshake offâ€? the past. They are haunted by these deamons until they find a way to get past it and achieve some kind of compensation. Whether they revenge themselves, or they are able to forgive, they will probably be stuck in bitterness and in the past. They will blame some event in the present on â€œI had a bad childhoodâ€?.

People who attempt forgivenessorrevengeare both attempting to do the same thing in different ways.

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And just because you have forgiven somebody doesn't mean you have to be around them. That is beside the point.

Now your argument is becoming confuluted as well as psycho-babbling.

Respect

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