im 16 and ive bin going out wit dis boy for about 2months...but the thing is i hardly ever see him and he seems to prefer to go out wit his bredrins more than me(and i know thats acceptable-but only to a certain extent!!!!). i know dat da basis of a relationship is trust,but ive got a gut feelin hes cheating on me-hes a very good looking boy,infact practically perfect...and we havnt slept with eachotha yet-however he doesnt seem as frustrated as most boys would be-which is the reason why i reckon he MIGHT be cheating on me.

But the question i wanted to ask is-"How do u keep a man interested in you?", what do men actually want from a relationship,what is their ideal woman????

without sounding too bigheaded-i kno im an attractive girl and ive got quite an alrite personality as well-i know this because i have alot of friends....but is that what men want? i dont have trouble meeting men,i jus have trouble with holding onto the ones i want. so any replies from males or females would be nice.....i jus want to kno how to treat my man right!!

hi mixed race girl, i think at your age you shouldn't worry to much about relationships you have your whole life in front of you.

I remember when i was your age and i had my girl and i thought that was it, i am going to marry this girl but that wasn't case i had many, many relationships after her.

I feel at your age you should be concentrating on your future what you want to do with your life and so forth, this could be college or six form. Don't worry too much about boys they will always be there.



On the other hand if you want to know what boys want it is not that difficult at that age they just want to have a good time and that includes sex, you say that he is not bothering you for it, so maybe he could be getting it somewhere else if that is the case then you don't want him anyway.blktype

@ mixedracegirl (what a name) - my advise to you is to face your studies and recognise that statistics show that you are most likely NOT going to end up with your little boyfriend.

So put effort into things that are meaningful and that will serve u well in your future.

I came to the U.S. as a young teen (13).One huge difference that I noticed b/w the American teens and Nigerian teens was the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. American kids were less concerned about what mom or dad would say or of getting pregnant. There were many "couples". Don't get me wrong not everyone was doing it butit was like the thing to do. By age 16 it wasn't shocking to see girls bringing their baby to school (to display).

My dear ur only 16 and already the pressing issue in your life is trying to figure out "what men want" and "how to keep a man"!!!

Your mates are at home tearing up their Trigonometry and pre-Calculus text books so that they can present a superb transcipt to the best universities next year.

When I saw the title to ur thread I thot an older person wrote it. But then again I've seen threads titled "blowjobs...nasty or nice" and "white gurls wid our men" started by girls under 18.:?confused3

Lol @ Happiness,

I hear what u say regarding the name. But I'll tell you something a little more interesting.You'll notice that it's ususally the girls/women of mixed parentage that use such screen names. The boys/men rarely ever use such monikers eg "mixedman", "halfblack man", "halfwhite man" etc. Just my recent observation.

I have to agree with what other folks have said so far, at 16 I think you are too young for you to be thinking about what to do to satisfy a man. Even though, the legal age of consent here may be 16, I still don't think once you reach 16, then you are ready to start having a relationship because the law says it is ok. Another thing may be peer pressure,ifsome of your friends have boyfriends at 16 or are in a relationship, you may be thinking it is the right thing to do or it is the next step to take, but trust me..........I can tell you that you are not ready. You still have more than enough challenges aheadto face, my advise will be concentrate on your studies and get to at least university before you start thinking about such things.Your education is helped if you get your priorities in the right order. Good luck

Please note that if someone is not interested in having an intimaterelationship with you at 16, it doesn't mean he/her is Cheating.

@ MRG

The first thing you can learn about men is never TRY to please. Be yourself because different men like different things and you wil find yourself trying to be too many different things to please others.

You have to be yourself and who dont like it, don't like it!!! See how it goes or talk to him about it, but do not feel like you need to have sex to get the attention you want from him.

@ The other posters

C'mon you lot!!! Weren't none of you ever 16?? It doesnt mean because she likes a guy she is not interested in her future. She is 16 years old and it is natural to LIKE a guy or have a boyfriend at that age. They are not having sex or anything, and i can understand that having a boyfriend MIGHT get in some peoples way but it doesn't HAVE to. There are big women that still feel the way Mixed Race Girl does now.

But saying that your schoolwork is important so i do hope you are paying attention to it as well.

Peace~

when i wrote this message,i was thinkin 2 put it in the under 18s forum, but then i thought-no maybe the under 25s would be better because i will get better, more mature responses as opposed to "give him head-that'll satisfy him" or to "buy him a new pair of air forces-thats what men want". But since writin in the under 25s forum-all my replies have been patronising-telling me to focus on my school work!?!?!?!

I mean come on, were you not 16 once, jus because ur young doesnt mean you dont have feelings and relationships. A relationship, whether serious or not doesnt neccessarily interupt my schoolwork-im quite a balanced girl and i can concentrate on more than two things at once!!My schoolwork is fine actually (thankyou for being so concerned) and ive been predicted all above B's-but that isnt the subject of this message!

I never said i was planning to marry the boy-i know that is extremley unrealisitic...i jus want to know how to keep him! i am myself-and im not planning to change myself for anyone, i jus wanted a few opinions on what other people think what men want, and how to keep your man-or at least stop him from straying!

And for your information the reason i have my screen name as mixedracegirl is primarily because i am mixedrace and im proud of what i am, ive seen plenty of people with screen names such as 'jamaican girl', 'yardi man', 'latino girl'--->noone comments about that though!i jus thought it made more sense to write mixedracegirl rather than: 1/2 dominican republic, 1/8 french, 1/8 russian, 1/8 spanish, 1/8 welsh girl!!. Im the only mixedrace girl in my group of friends and so its just a nickname that some of my friends refer to me as.

Mixedracegirl: As an older member of this village I'd like to offer a few thoughts on what you have written..

I think to remake the point about your education, it is not about whether you are coping now at 16, but whether you will be consistent and push on through your teen and onto your early twenties.. Unfortunately there is a significant number of young women, black & white who become what i came 'affected' by the false economy of having a relationships.. that then lose their focus in terms of pushing for higher educational standards..

Whilst I'm sure you are quite centred now, as an older person it is not an understatement to say that if you do push on to Uni, your relationship will be put under trerrific strain... Uni and relationship doNOT make a good mix regardless of the age, soit is important not to become complacent on this issue..

On the issue of 'keeping' a man I have always felt that if you have to work at 'keeping' someone then it does beg the question as to whether that person is worth being with.. Again from my personal experiences is that those relationship I've least enjoyed were the one where I had to make too many compromises to 'keep' that person..However the real worry is that it is in my view that the compromising of oneself is the very thing that feeds into the 'abused woman' syndrome..

If you think about it when you haveconsistently made compromises to 'keep' someone and they leave anyway... That sends a deep sub conciousmessagethat effect how one then views oneself and howyou might percieve that other view you..Don't believe me, then go and observe those relationship around you where men & women behave in just that way and observe how prominent their insecurities are.. Observe how they mask their lack of confidence by trying to buyfriendships and relationships..

On the issue of the screennames, can i ask why it wasn't possible to be proud of yourself by underliningyour mixed heritage with a cultural name.. Do you see that it could be considered a contradiction to name yourself after a concept..For instance my online name is Kunjufu it means 'ever dependable'.. is there any doubt that i'm black or that i'm proud to be of African decsent..

If I were to see the name Rasheed, Keiran, Sun youg ho or polaski..again there would be little doubt about the cultural background of the people behind these names.. Then I hear 'mixedracegirl' and think what culture is this person connected to, what country does this person have connections to and what colour is this person.. The very last thing i would think is, this person is proud..I'd be asking proud of what exactly? the fact that you have parents of differing colours...

so my point here is that EVERYONE is proud of their parentage, its natural and we all bask in the heritage of our parents and not in what they look like.. So when people feel that they have to reinforce what their parents look like or what they look like it comes across as slightly insecure and a bit desparate.. I'm not saying that this is you, but the impression it gives to others..

@ Mixedracegirl...well you did ask so u should expect to get replies that u like and replies that u dont like. yes, and some will be patronising....thats life!

In another life as Chi Chi described with 16 y.o bring their kids to school, I could easily be your mother. The point is I am old enough to be your mother and with that comes LIFE EXPERINCE. So you have all B's huh? just think you could have all A's if you were FOCUSED. I'm sorry Mixedrace but to have this much angst over a boy tells me that you are not focused.

Nonetheless you have asked the question:

But the question i wanted to ask is-"How do u keep a man interested in you?" there is no way to keep a man...er I mean a boy interested in you if he doesn't want to be interested in you. what do men actually want from a relationship,until they want kids and a family, SEX, SEX and more SEX (especially boys your age!) what is their ideal woman???? until they want kids and a family, their ideal woman is one that will give them SEX, SEX and more SEX (especially boys your age!)

without sounding too bigheaded-i kno im an attractive girl and ive got quite an alrite personality as well-i know this because i have alot of friends....but is that what men want? i dont have trouble meeting men,i jus have trouble with holding onto the ones i want. so any replies from males or females would be nice.....i jus want to kno how to treat my man right!! "We are too small in mind and body to posses another person without pride or to be possesed without humiliation" (graeme Greene - Quiet American)

@ Iyallah - yes I have been 16 and I remember it well thats why i say the things that I have said to Mixedrace girl. You should have told her the truth....

Hi Mixed Race Girl,

I like the name. It exudes confidence. You are not saying your black. Or your White. Your saying your racial heritage is mixed. It could also mean your cultural heritage is mix. My Screen name is Dada and it has absolutely nothing to do with my race or my heritage. If your happy with the name keep it. If others have problems with it then it's their problem not yours. It like when I say I am English and people say "You cannot be because you are Black" being English is a sub-nationality not a race. Fact. But it's ones political leanings that will derive at the idea that being English one has to be white it an idea muted on both the Extreme Right or Left.



On to your Main question. You have had some very good advice from Iyallah and Kunjufu. In respect to not trying to please too much. And not over compremising. Your last reply was a very intelligent one, and showed you to be mature in thinking. As you may already know maturity do'est not come always through default of Age. It depends on ones experiences and understanding. Also not everyone wants to or can get into university anyhow. But the core area I would say is as Both previous posters said.

Expect and Give:

1. Respect

2. Politeness

3. Open Communication

4. Love

This should be the minimum criteria of your relationship and if those are not being meet, then since they are the benchmark of a good relationship you should leave. Relationships are very intense things and touch at the core of ones being. This being the case you should expect to be touched in a comforting way not an annoying way.

If the above points are being respected. Then move on to How to keep him. Focus on the time that you share together. That is, is it an unique experience for the both of you ? Where you can say later...................remember Paris/Such and Such Concert/ Firework display .........something that only the two of you have experienced together. The more quality time one shares the more it distinguishes you from any other woman. For many Women can look beautiful or alluring but if he is happy with the time he is having with you chances are he won't wont to lose it all for a boring old tart.

Quality time, I know it's an old cliche but cooking for your man is a very good sub-conscienious turn on. How do I know because I reversed the role myself and cook for my Woman. In style, Gormay dishes and nice Drink (Opps you're not allowed to drink yet..........) For many men this is a good sign. Whilst having children should be a long way off on your list of priorities. Like it or lump it we are programmed to reproduce. That is not to say that we will but our make up, looking at attractive Women., or Women looking at alpha males is all part of the game. So from a mans point of view ( and I know this aint P.C ) if a woman cannot cook for herself would then any future children are gonna be on mircowave meals :P. This is a subtle thing rather than an Full Page Colour Advertisement.

Have meaningful, good , and Fun coversations with each other where you allow him to speak his feelings. Women are good at asking questions so I'll not tell you about that. But nuff said to say if a Man feels that he can open up to his woman then you are out there a head of any potential rivial. Ever heard of the phrase :

" My wife doe'snt understand me" :?

I have many friends who are now grown adults who met the love of their life as a sixteen year old. And their relationships have been rock solid. Whilst you don't need to play the field , you must remember that between 15 - 22 it's highly likely that you will have a few boyfriends between these years. So if it doe'snt work out then just remember it's a learning curve. Good luck.


In my experience. Too many Black woman are Focused on whatthey want from a Man. Rather than what theycan actually give a man. Your questions shows your on the right track.

@ dada - what a load of.......

you mean to tell me that at 16 the average boy is thinking in the way you described? puh-leeeeze!!! that's absolute nonsense!

you wrote: "Also not everyone wants to or can get into university anyhow. But the core area I would say is as Both previous posters said"

well thank you for empowering our young women to have goals and ambitions beyond trying to decipher what's in the head of a randy little snotty nosed teenage boy.

you should have spent as much time advising Miss Mixed Race on how to get into university or at the very least on how to turn her Bsinto As. If it were a boy asking the same asinine question would you have truly written a treatise for him on how to be a good little husband? at 16??!!! I think not! you would have told him that there are other fishes in the sea and that he should focus on his future so he can be a good, contributing member ofthe black community.

in my opinion nothing less should gofor Miss Mixed Race. I cant believe you're telling a 16 y.o girl how to cook for her man instead of telling her to open her bloody books and study.

This is probably all cultural - because it's no coincidence that 2 Nigerian women post on the side on of education first, boys second....no correction: boys last (at least at this age).

People always ask what's wrong with the black community.....well there it is right there for you to see: the pillars of society expect very little from their young people. thank God my daughter has a father who would never dream of giving her the advise that has been rendered on this thread.

@ Miss Mixed Race - the easiest path to travel is not always the best; and the most popular view is not always the right one. i have been a 16 y.o girl....Dada has not...nor has Kunjufu for that matter.....and so who better to tell u of its perils?

Good luck to you