I have not noticed many people talking about having kids but I have heard alot of you who are in college. What is the norm where you live? College, then work, then marriage, then kids? Does anyone else have kids or will have kids in the near future?

I'm kind of wondering if there is a different or stricter societal structure where you are. For instance, would your parents disown you if you had a child out of wedlock? Are opportunities limited for young or single parents? Is it absurdly out of the norm in your society to have children before getting an education?

It's not out of the norm at all whereI live, it's actually commonplace but I wonder how it would be if it wasn't? Interesting. I'm sure many of you don't have children yet because you are going to school and getting established and waiting for the right person and all that good stuff. I'm just wondering.

I don't know about what is the norm really.....so i'll just answer according to my norm..confused3

Well the majority here on this site are of African nad Caribean origin.....some might have been born here or in my case i just grew up here.....so i still have more or less African cultural and traditional traits about me....

I don't think my parents would disown me per say if i got pregnant.....but they sure as hell are having none of it.....African parents have a heavy value on education first then your fun later......either you work with prospects or you study......there is no baby talk.....

Respect and image of the family is very important......Particularly in the small Various Africanimmigrants families here in the UK......So you are always reminded to behave...lol

My order has been...Study, work....then do what i want.....then maybe marriage.....then maybe kids.......in that particular order!

If i am not studying, i have to work......it doens't matter how old i am......the wayi have been raised i could never imagine telling my family that i want to have a baby before acomplishing mystudies and have a secure career.......i'll look like a fool i guess...confused2

Hope that makes sense....confused2

I second that Dimoke

yes I will get disowned having a baby out of the wedlock.................but then I don't want a baby out of wedlock.

Yes my education is important to me and I am hoping it will lead me to a fantastic career..........................yes I will get married to have ONE baby.............for the simple reason...............the world CAN'T end with just one sooofresh..............oh no I am leaving my DNA print behind...............to continue with the Hostile Takeover......LOL

@ Dimoke & Soofresh- I think you have the right idea. If more people focused on what they could achieve before havingchildren, instead of having children just because they can, then things would be better for all concerned. I had my son when I was 20after he was born I went to uni and am now working up the career ladder. To me it make sense to do the education and career thing before you have kids rather than after. My son is precious and I have no regretsas he adds to my life, but motherhood although rewarding can be hard work.

I hear you Hayle....only if i could convince most of my peers.....

The moment they got a Leroy, all they wanted was just bunk off school and having unsafe sex.....Pathetic!

Thats why i think the age of consent at 16 is a joke.....at 16 all i could think about was my exams and work.....but the moment most of my peers started it was too late i guess.

And its also the way more and more parents have become their children's *best friends* instead of being their parents and implementing discipline! Even at my age, i think i will wet my pants before i can stomach the courage to tell my parents that i am expecting.....married or not!

I must finish my studies first or working on career thats going somewhere and in a married before i go home with a beer belly!...lol

Its about principles......i guess! and the difference in upbringing also....

Oh and well done hayle.......it must be very tought out there making it with a child......the cost of care alonenow adays are just absurd!

@D

It used to be the same way here in America. Not is almost excepted that a young women will be single and with a child. The problem is so many young parents had kids and those KIDS had kis, before they were women and were able to learn the lessons their Grandmother's knew.

Also, not enough can be said about the role a positive man plays in the life of a girl growing up to be a woman. You will find that the most family with single mothers are women who did not grow up with a POSITIVE FATHER (not just a man)...IN-THE-HOME. Studies have shown that not even a father who, STAYS IN THE CHILDS LIFE, changed the statics that mush.

FATHER-IN-THE-HOME. So many Black sisters are growing up beleive "I DON"T NEED A MAN"....sad..

PaRrIs

Parris I agree about the fathers. My father had nothing to do with me and that really affected how I think of men and my relationships with them. I tend to think that all or most men will be like my father. It's true what they say about a girl's father shaping her thoughts and feelings about men. About herself too. I strongly believe it's as important for a girl to have a strong father figure as it is for a boy, if not moreso. I do believe that I don't need a man though. Back in the days whenI was extremely career oriented I decided that if I didn't find the right guy I'd go on with my life and adopt children and live happily ever after. I don't know what kind of father my son's father will be but either way we'll make it. I mean I know I'll find another man but I do want his father to be a part of his life. Yeah but there is a vicious cycle of young single mothers and dead beat dads.

@LadyMusicSoul3

For awhile I was a single father myself, and I thought "Psssth, I don't need a woman"...but as my son begin to grow, even at a young age I begin to see that there are a lot of things I can not teach him as his father, that a woman can. So I don't want you to think that I am saying Women only need men.....men need women as well, but someplace, somehow, we got our roles twisted.

It maybe be a bit of hypocrasy on my part, but even though I was a single father, and my wife loved me and loves my son inspite of it, I don't think it would have ever been possible for me to seriously date a single mother.

One final note.....Do you know what is odd? What is odd is people will believe its ok to have a child at a young age, single and alone......but if you ask them about marrigage they say.

"Oh I'm too young for marriage'

HUH?

*faints*

PaRrIs

@ realistic101 I already have a child. Jacob William and I am raising him without his father who is in prison right now. My son is only 6 weeks old though so I don't know how things will turn out. His father was put in jail a week before he was born and now claims that he wants to be a good father BUT when I was pregnant he didn't want my baby or anything to do with me really so he might be saying that out of boredom. If he's going to be a good father I want him to be in my son's life butif not, rest assured, I will fiind a good man or a good male role model for my son. My brother is the male in his life right now and my son is already crazy about his uncle.



@Parris, I don't think I'm too young to get married. I'd actually love to be married right this moment but I haven't found the right guy. I seriously doubt me and my bf will ever get past dating lol. But I know some young people who say they are too young to be married but have or want children.

Also @ Parris about you not dating a single mother... weirdly and honestly I can understand. Before I had my son I dated quite a few guys with children and it bothered me a little but heck, in New Orleans most black guys have children and are not with their mothers. Now it bothers me, even the fact that my son's father has other children because their mothers are drama. Also, I'm a tad bit selfish with my man and I wasn't the jealous type before I had my son but I am now. I've never dated a single father though and I don't think I could. But I never say never. I do understand where you're coming from though.

LadyMusicSoul..how could a seemingly sensible and level headed girl like you fall for an evidently immature jailbait? was itbad parenting? promiscuity? rape? split condom? sexual roulette (without condoms?) or just illinformed choices?

The mind boggles.